Jesus Ultrasound Billboard December 24, 2010

Jesus Ultrasound Billboard

By Guest Contributor
December 24, 2010

A group called Cincinnati Right to Life is putting up five billboards with the following images:

That’s Fetus Jesus with a Halo. (Which is also a great band name.)

This leads to a number of questions:

  • When the mother gives birth, will the halo produce complications?

  • Christmas does start with Christ. Thank you, Captain Obvious. Did you know Catholic starts with Cat? *Meow*

  • “He came as a baby”? Did anyone think Jesus came out as a fully-formed, bearded man…?

  • “He’s on his way”? He damn well better be. Or he’s going to kill his mother. I have learned no new information from this statement.

  • Was ultrasound technology available when Jesus was born…? Nope. The Christians who made this ad created the image from scratch, just like they did with the stories about Jesus in the first place.

Any other issues come to mind?

(Thanks to Joe for the link!)

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment

  • I want to see a holy blastocyst.

    Maybe a holy sperm.

    I’ll get right on that.

  • MsAbominable

    OHHH! That last bullet is such a burn! Lol

  • JohnMcD

    “He came as a baby”
    A sexually active infant perhaps?
    If so, the RCC needs to revise their stance on masturbation, if Jesus did it, it must be ok.

  • Rev. Grim Pickins

    Let me see Christmas, Catholic, ok, now is it significant that Alcoholic and Catholic end up the same way?

  • Bulletproofheeb

    When I saw the “he came as a baby” line all I could think of was:

    He touched himself as a child.
    He came as a man.

  • Matt

    Wow. The Nuva ring can create a holy mess.

  • Rev. Grim Pickins

    Oh one more thing,,,, Christmas may begin with Christ but it ends with mas. Mas is the acronym for the Muslim American Society…..

  • Dan

    Unthinking people will produce unthinking ads.

  • bob

    funeral starts with fun.

  • jolly

    Is the point they’re trying to make is that abortions are necessary sometimes?

  • Claudia

    Damnit Hemant, I was just going to make a Halo comment and you got ahead of me! Well, at least we know that the Halo is solid, because otherwise it wouldn’t react to sound.

    Personally, I’m wondering how the desert dwellers of old would have reacted if you had pointed a wand at a woman’s pregnant belly and shown them the picture of a baby. Me thinks witchcraft accusations would quickly follow…

  • Beard and cross sold separately. :o)

  • Bruce in AZ

    In the third week, Jesus was created in God’s image, with gills, and with a third of his body mass devoted to his tail.

    At least Heracles, Mithra, and Attis never had to suffer the indignity of people with ultrasound pretending that THEY were real.

  • Danielle

    This looks shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in my time.

  • Luther

    Baby starts with ‘ba’…hum maybe ‘Ba Humbug’ started right there. And ends with ‘y’ and god starts with ‘g’ and Mary like Baby has an ‘a’ near the middle. And there we have it ‘gay’.

    There is also a rumor he was not really born in Nazareth that it was a plot by his mother so that years later he could legally run for president claim status as son of the holy ghost. Get his birth certificate, find just one news story from the time that shows the star was over a manger in Nazareth.

    And that guy “Papa” Joe…what did he really think of that virgin birth story?

  • Bob

    So I’m to gather than the second coming of Christ is a repeat of the first? That somewhere, there’s a young virgin with child?

    If we’re to accept the Bible as true, Christ already came (as a baby) and went (as a man), so to speak.

    Why would He need to do the whole growing-up thing again? Hey, wow, Christ is on the way, but we’re gonna have to wait until He learns to walk and talk. (And, really, what’s Baby Jesus going to say that would be so astounding? Will he affirm religious predjudice? Will he speak out against authority as He did before?)

    Above all, how do you think Christ would feel if He shows up and his believers begin complaining about atheist billboards, people saying ‘happy holidays,’ and whether or not America is a ‘Christian nation’?

    Why do we presume Christ would appear in the U.S.? He’s Jewish. The whole Christian thing was made up long after his death.

  • Tizzle

    Is anyone else repulsed by ultrasound photos? This ad is a turnoff.

  • Badger3k

    Considering Jesus was in the womb for 10-odd years (if memory serves), then it’s about time he came!

    The other thing, the halo was originally a glow around the whole head, sort of like when someone frames their head in front of a light. There might have also been solar rays, but I’m not too up on iconography. The little ring is a more recent mutation of the original halo. So is this Jesus a mutant? Has he evolved?

    Bob – don’t you know, the US is the new holy land. It has the holy highway and everything. Of course White Jesus (non-Jewish, of course) will show up here. Then he’ll fly around the world delivering presents, until it’s time for him to crawl back up into the womb until next Christmas. At least, I think that’s how it goes – I may be wrong.

  • Ally

    Lol… Holy sperm like that which came from “God”. Best excuse for a bastard child ever.

    Also, are they trying to convert Atheists to Catholicism so they eat the body of Christ?

  • Jamssx

    No the christian writers didn’t make it up! No they stole the nativity and virgin birth stuff from other older stories and we all know about the date and all the pagan elements. Actually apart from the name, is there anything christian about christmas?

  • LOL, looks like a female to me. I can’t see the divine penis anywhere…

  • Christmas also starts with Chris. Maybe Chris, not Jesus, is the reason for the season.

  • Bob

    @Jamssx:

    I once encountered a young man who insisted that Christ was born on Dec. 25 in the Year 0.

  • Donna

    They seem to be saying you’d better not get an abortion because you may be bearing the next god-child.

    But of course this would only apply to virgin mothers-to-be.

  • Was ultrasound technology available when Jesus was born…? Nope. The Christians who made this ad created the image from scratch, just like they did with the stories about Jesus in the first place.

    I love this point!

    I’ve always wondered: If God is all-powerful, couldn’t he visit earth as a human being without impregnating a young girl through manipulation?

  • Hypatia’s Daughter

    Bob, Tell him that Jesus wasn’t born in Year 0. There is no Year 0 because Dennis, the monk who created the current calendar, started at Year 1. That is why the 21st Century began on January 2001, not January 2000 (and don’t we remember the headache trying to explain that to people.)

  • Bob

    @Hypatia:

    No use. The kid was full of religious and conservative misinformation, loudly witnessing to a forum of unimpressed gamers.

  • Ben L

    Richard,

    I do in fact remember reading one argument that Jesus was born man-like – since he is perfect, how could he change over time? There can be only one kind of perfect.

  • Steve

    There is also a counting error in the calendar. Jesus was actually born 5 or 6 years Before Christ.

  • Tim

    He might very well kill his mother, if he’s born in a Catholic hospital and there are complications…don’t you love religious “healthcare” priorities? 😀

    Slightly unrelated, I saw a bumper sticker today that read “God is Pro-Life.” I wanted to find the owner and ask them what exactly was “pro-life” about the Flood, Sodom/Gomorrah, Elijah and the bears, Jericho, the Egyptians, et cetera ad infinitum…can you imagine the look on his/her face?

  • Jonas

    @Ben L:

    “I do in fact remember reading one argument that Jesus was born man-like – since he is perfect, how could he change over time? There can be only one kind of perfect.”

    Sounds like the argument I made up (not shared publicly) for not getting into Heaven:

    “Heaven is perfect. Currently you are not in Heaven. Introducing you into Heaven will change it, making it not perfect. — Thus you can’t go to Heaven.”

  • *facepalm*

    Ultrasound photos, while fascinating, are really quite horrifying. Let’s face it, fetuses look like little alien parasites, for the most part.

  • Sunil

    If we analyzed this baby Jesus’s sex chromosomes, what would we find? Did he have a Y chromosome?

  • The argument from etymology is one that Christians apply inconsistently. If the logic “Christmas is about Jesus because it has his name in it” is valid, then they need to hand Easter back over to the worshipers of that Germanic pagan goddess.

  • Did you know Catholic starts with Cat? *Meow*

    I’m going to figure out a way to stick that into a conversation somehow!

    What’s weird is that I can see Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory saying this in my head in that Sheldon Cooper way.

  • Michael

    Easter also starts with “east.” I suppose Easter is a holiday celebrating that noble direction!

  • Halo? Or is that just a failed NuvaRing? 😉

  • Jeff

    I was going to make an IUD crack, but the NuvaRing comments beat me to it.

    Meanwhile, if he had been aborted, we wouldn’t have to be putting up with all of this shit from his followers now.

  • Anne

    It’s funny that Christians would use a product of science to promote their unscientific propaganda.

  • maddogdelta

    IT’S A MIRACLE! SHE GOT PREGGERS WITH THAT MASSIVE IUD IN THERE!

  • Lauren

    Fetus Jesus! Hahaha…! We used to call my daughter that when I was pregnant with her. The name stuck so well as a zygote that it took her well into her first year after birth to be rid of it.

    Ah, it cracks me up beyond measure that someone made a billboard like that.

  • This ad actually cries out for repurposing as a PSA.

    “An ill-fitting NuvaRing can be more hazardous than you know. Be sure to follow up with your gynecologist.”

    (Since I’m behind on my birth-control tech, I was going to make this about a failed diaphragm – fortunately, the comments above clued me in to the more visually appealing device…)

  • Shane

    Is that a nuva ring on the baby’s head? Tisk Tisk. What does the Virgin Mary need with contraceptives?

  • They’re trying to evoke the tired old “what if the Virgin Mary had an abortion?” argument. Which is a really interesting question, actually… so much that I’m producing a mini-graphic-novel online that tries to answer it. It’s called Fetus Christ. On the third day, He rose again from the dead…

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