Jesus is Coming Back… So Buy Some Jewelry! December 17, 2010

Jesus is Coming Back… So Buy Some Jewelry!

We all know Jesus is coming back… right? Right.

Larry Falter is capitalizing on it for his Superior, Wisconsin business, LTD Jewelers:

Did you know the Bible predicts the day of the Lord, followed by the return of Jesus Christ to Jerusalem? As I read the daily news and look around the world, I believe we’re really close to that day.

Nonetheless, here and now, if you want jewelry, I have access to millions. Diamonds and gemstones, gold, silver, watches and clocks, and I’m selling everything at 50% off, giving you unbelievable savings.

I have no idea what the Return of Jesus has to do with anything, but I suppose it does get your attention…

He never mentions what you’re supposed to do with the jewelry after you’ve been raptured, though.

(via Consumerist — Thanks to Chris for the link!)

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Is the idea that you can take it with you? There’s supposed to be no marrying in heaven, and so no need for wedding or engagement rings… Or is it that when his customers get rapted their neighbors will be especially impressed by all the jewelry they’ll be leaving behind?
    When did any of this make sense anyway?
    One prophecy making the rounds lately has Jesus coming back exactly a week before my 60th birthday next year. I assume he’s sticking around for the party, and just wants to take that week to shop for a present.

  • tim

    I have a hard time getting upset over someone taking advantage of someone’s beliefs to make a buck.

  • Eric

    At least they get jewelry for their delusion. Much better then putting it in the offering plate, who knows where that would end up not to mention they get fuck-all for it.

  • Spencer

    Hey, did you know that puppies are awesome? Also, I sell great used cars for low prices — check them out!

  • Kerrie

    @Tim: Agree.

    However, I do have a problem with lowlifes like those charlatans who claim to communicate with peoples’ dead relatives. Preying on those at a time when they’re most vulnerable. Disgusting.

  • Nakor

    The timing of “Nonetheless” made it sound like he was saying “despite the upcoming rapture which will make it useless, you should buy jewelry anyway.”

    @Spencer: I think I’ve seen that ad. >.>

    (Another variant is, “See all these hot guys/girls? They’re using our _____!”)

  • Richard Wade


  • Just wait until the rapture and loot the place. 100% off!

  • AZ Archie

    The streets are supposed to be paved with gold. So maybe the jewelry can be used to repair potholes in front of your mansion.

  • HP

    Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. Except when I heard it, the punchline went, “Jesus is coming — everyone look busy!”

  • This guy was one of Keith Olbermann’s (Not Really) Worst Persons a couple of weeks ago.

    If Jesus really is coming back, I really hope he takes all his crap home with him this time, including all his believers.

  • “Holy ghost is coming to earth
    Saving souls of all of the jerks
    The holy ghost is coming to earth
    Savior man, don’t take me.”

    –NOFX, “Pods and Gods”


  • Leave it for your heathen family members to barter after the rapture, cos they’ll see the light and have to start a black market economy to avoid getting and using the mark of the beast.


  • wright1

    tim pretty much nailed it. Amusing, though.

  • Catinthewall

    If he really believed it, he would be giving it all away.

  • Andy

    His website states:

    “In the future we hope to offer online shopping”

    To me, this implies that he doesn’t really believe that the end of the world is imminent.

  • i am so disappointed. on this atheist blog, and i’m the first to mention “unbelievable” “savings?” come on, my people. we’re atheists; we don’t walk away from gimmes like that.

  • Heh, admit it that commercial was funny.

    Frankly, I think he’s a Poe. At least that play on words (great pun) unbelievable savings would indicate that he thinks the rapture is unbelievable.

    C’mon, lighten up. It’s funny any way you look at it. Poe or not.

  • jonezart

    I say Poe. Look at his face, he looks like he’s about to bust a nut just holding it in.

  • This is just absurd. If a person’s going to be dishonest and use the End Times as a way to sell merchandise, shouldn’t the merchandise actually be somewhat related to religion (e.g. religious books)? Although it still wouldn’t be right, I could at least somewhat understand why they were doing it.

    @Richard Wade: You made me literally laugh out loud.

  • nice_marmot

    The crazy, it burns!

  • It basically says “No need to save for the future because the world will soon end. You might as well spend any spare money you have on this jewelry I have.”

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