Two Videos To Wipe That Smile Off Your Face December 16, 2010

Two Videos To Wipe That Smile Off Your Face

By Guest Contributor
December 16, 2010

You know how you’re full of Christmas cheer right now?

Time to put a stop to that.

First, a song talking about terrible, horrible things like homosexuality, diversity, and tolerance.

You’re probably seething with rage right now.

But this will make you feel alllllll better:

Once again, true to form, Jesus saves the day in the form of a parrot.

(via Christian Nightmares)

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  • Michelle

    I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. But you warned me.

  • Leigh

    I like how on the Heidi Harris website they have ‘Christian Persecution Updates’.

    Cause we need a weekly update on that…?

  • Riveting. Compelling. I can’t believe I watched both of those all the way through and didn’t have some sort of revelation or conversion or fresh start!

    Also, is that Baby Jesus flashing a gang sign?

  • MikeW

    Oh. My. Science. Those was horrible.

    At least after watching the Heidi Harris video, YouTube recommended “Achmed the Dead Terrorist.” All is well.

  • There should be a whole new word coined to describe this.

    I’m thinking ‘Derpstorm’. Anyone got anything better?

  • Nakor

    Actually, I just found myself laughing through the whole first vid. Vimeo’s not loading for me atm. It was a mistake to look at the Youtube comments though… why did I do such a fool thing….

  • The stupid. It hurts.

  • Ben

    The first one was just pathetic, at first I thought it was a poe (as in, how can anybody seriously think tolerance and diversity are bad things) but the second was eye-rollingly funny. I was just waiting for one of the kids to say “anything’s better than being an … atheist.”

  • Oz Tilson

    I liked the recommended video by youtube re: the airspeed velocity of a sparrow

  • I don’t really consider diversity a good thing, though I don’t consider it a bad thing either. It’s morally neutral in my opinion.

  • Dekker

    Nothing like bigotry set to music to get the rage juices flowing.

    And just what the hell is the logic behind implying that saving the planet is a bad thing?

    @Aegis – derpstorm it is.

  • JD

    It’s really a series of talking points, if you don’t understand the conservative’s view of the back story behind the words and phrases, it looks bad. The connotations conservatives see with those words are strong, though I think most are unjustified, especially in the degree shown. It really is a string of strawman arguments presented in a choir-preaching manner.

    @OneSTDV: I don’t think of diversity as a matter of morality, but I think gently promoting it is of fundamental long term benefit to humankind, despite the strong growing pains involved. Check out the TV show “Connections” sometimes, where James Burke shows how we as humans benefited from people of far-flung regions and different cultures helped germinate the seeds of innovation, and propelled technology and culture forward.

  • Viggo the Carpathian

    And just what the hell is the logic behind implying that saving the planet is a bad thing?

    This would be because this is “the devil’s world”. Seriously, I grew up with a father that though it was a christian responsibility to destroy the environment to attack satan and hasten the return of christ. He would pour used motor oil on the ground deliberately like some sort of libation… religion poisons everything.

  • Dan W

    Ugh. Haven’t watched the second yet, because vimeo is loading slow right now, but the stupid is strong in the first one. I don’t see anything bad with most of the things mentioned in that song, except that they oversimplified those issues way too much.

    Here’s a version of the 12 Days of Christmas that I actually like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHpMZPYWDm0

  • Dan W

    Okay, the second one sucks too, but in a different way.

  • JT

    Dear someone with more free time than me at the moment,

    We desperately need a re-dub of the second video. It’ll be awesome.

    Love,
    JT

  • Persecution complex much? It always amazes me how Xians actually BELIEVE they are being marginalized. Kidding me?

    …..

    I suppose they’ve believed more unlikely things than that, though…

  • Richard Wade

    Uh, the second video. …Uh, wha? The guy steals all the figures except the baby Jesus because he… “couldn’t stand the pressure” and shouted at his wife? …Huh?? Was something cut out to make room for a commercial break?

    Well, the next time I can’t stand the pressure, and I’m shouting at my wife, I’ll consider trying his stress-relieving solution. Ahhhh. I got Joseph, Mary, the Three Kings, and all the animals. Man, I feel so much better.

    But I won’t do some dumbass thing like leaving my tie behind.

  • Iggy

    There’s a couple minutes of my life I’ll never get back..

  • Abdallah

    I have better movies that really will make you cry..

    http://debatewithachristian.blogspot.com/

  • Claudia

    The first video is one big facepalm. All of it is stupid, but I have to admit my forehead almost suffered irreparable damage when they belted out “Di-ver-si-ty” for the first time.
    Also, am I the only one that thinks it’s friggen hilarious to imagine children singing about the “9th circuit”. I grew up in the ridiculously liberal school district where the 9th circuit is located and I never heard about it until I was an adult.

    As for the second video, I’ll try to give an opinion just as soon as I can get an insulin shot and also scrub my brain with bleach.

  • I thought the first one was quite positive.

    Except that “Islam is peaceful^Hgood” business.

    That’s a top quality teacher right there.

    Wait, have I just been Poe’d?

  • Gah! You can have nativity scenes. Go to your church and get them to put one up. Idiots!

    In the second clip I don’t get why Todd Pennington stole the nativity figures. He had a domestic argument and went to live in a barn or something. Did he want some plastic shepherds to talk to? And why wasn’t he arrested when his crime was discovered? The whole town needs to be slapped with the stick of reason. Why would the first conclusion be that ghosts had stolen the display? Surely there are more reasonable explanations?

    There is also something dodgy about that policeman. He’s clearly trying to get the kids to stop snooping. Give it a week and he’s bound to be revealed as the ghost who haunts the old amusement part in an elaborate sting orchestrated by another gang of kids and their damn dog.

    I feel stupider after watching these and I have a craving for Scooby Snacks.

  • 12 Days of Winter = A Christmassy Horst-Wessel-Lied for the American Taliban.

  • Gloria

    The first one was catchy. I think I may have been converted!

  • Bronco

    Can you add URLs for those of us on mobile devices instead of simply emdedding the YT movies? It would be most apprectiated.
    Thanks.

  • Um, did they miss that the school can’t state an opinion on Islam either? Er, diversity is a bad thing? You’re making the Baby Jesus cry, Xians. Whatever happened to “Jesus love the little children, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight” or am I merely dating my old fart ass? Er, this one would have pissed me off if I were Christian.

    And 9th Circuit? Really? I bet if I asked my grandson, who does listen to and ask about my political shit and watches Judge Judy and Judge Milan with me with a who’s right? (he’s weird, I admit, that’s why I love him), what the 9th circuit is, he’d think it was a lap on a car race or something.

    And the 2nd was even worse. I’m surprised that Atheist daddy didn’t hear angel voices when he fell on his knees.

    Melody, so I wasn’t the only one thinking what’s the Baby Jesus doing with his fingers?

    Dan, I love that song! I have Bob Rivers’ “Twisted Christmas” album. Man, is that ever a great album! I recommend it to everyone. I’ve had it since a Jewish coworker slipped it in the player at the office Christmas party some 16 or 17 years ago. He and I were laughing our asses off while everyone else frowned and debated but thought better of taking it up with the Jew and the Atheist. I asked him what it was and bought it that year. One of the first things I replaced after a fire. “Wreck the Malls” and “Something’s Stuck Up in the Chimney” are great too.

  • WingedBeast

    From the first video, I, as a liberal, found out several things about liberals that I never knew.

    For instance, I don’t believe in right or wrong, liberals are the ones who use the phrase “cradel to grave”, I hate the military, and that acknowledging the existence and legitimacy of other religions is a thoroughly liberal value.

    Well, I’ve believed for a while that America was actually founded on liberal values, so that last part isn’t a new one for me. But, wow, I how long have I been calling the military evil? Can anybody site one example?

    Can anybody site one example of a prominant liberal making that claim in the past 20 years?

  • Why is it that religious bigots can’t tell the difference between a school giving their religion special treatment (e.g. by putting up a nativity scene) and people having equal rights (e.g. a student having two moms). How exactly is it that forcing everyone to follow their religion is seen as fair, but a student having two moms is seen as discrimination against Christians?

    Why do extreme Christians have to ruin Christmas? I used to like Christmas. Really.

    The odd thing is that when I was in elementary school, we were singing the actual 12 Days of Christmas song. No one had any problem with it and we had lots of fun. (We couldn’t remember the words for the higher numbers, so we started making up the words.)

  • “cradle to the grave” is about… what, exactly? that we all die? that’s a new conservative talking point to me, and i have no idea what the point is.

    i like the way diversity is the Big Bad. as in, “and we don’t like spics and n*ggers because Jeebus was a blue eyed white man from central europe, but they won’t let us say so openly any more.” that’s what that really means, i know that much.

  • Scott

    After watching those, I give up. The world is doomed. 🙁

  • pansies4me

    I sometimes watch the Ed Show on MSNBC and he has Heidi Harris on there a lot. I do an impression of her whereby I cross my eyes and make my voice sound like an idiotic dolt -it’s hard to describe. It makes my husband laugh every time.

    Also, AAAGGGHHH!

  • pansies4me

    Ack, I just realized that someone who reads this blog may have the medical condition that causes a person’s eyes to cross. I hope I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. I don’t cross my eyes to imply that makes a person stupid, I do it because Heidi’s eyes are close together, and it’s the only way I can convey that look without moving my eye sockets. Geez, not that someone with eyes close together is stupid or unattractive either – I’ll just start digging my hole and jump in. I’m a mean person. 🙁

  • bigjohn756

    These videos should be rated PG for Pure Garbage.

  • DocShinobi

    Holy Science!
    I thought Hemant was kidding when he said that they disagreed with diversity, environmentalism and tolerance. I mean are they really that stupid? Are you telling me that the world would be better if we were all exactly the same and drove hummers fueled by nucear waste to our neighbors house? People are derp-TASTIC!

  • Vas

    When I went to youtube they thought if I liked this video I might also like “funny redneck hunting accident”

  • Sean Santos

    It may just be my tired and cynical state of mind (I just had someone attempt to win an argument by unabashedly firing racial slurs at my dad), but watching these I just had to laugh all the way through.

    “tolerance for others” is a terrible thing? It’s so anachronistic, it’s like mid-20th propaganda or… oh wait, Glenn Beck is still on the air, so I guess that’s a bad analogy.

  • Sean Santos

    @chicago dyke

    “Cradle to grave” actually refers to analysis of products, how their environmental impact is measured not just by producing and using them, but by all the resources expended on them throughout. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cradle-to-grave_analysis)

    I don’t know why that’s evil; from a purely economic standpoint, isn’t that eminently more reasonable than only assessing some of those costs?

  • @chicago dyke and @Sean Santos:

    I’ve heard of the definition Sean mentioned already.

    I just wanted to add another context in which I’ve heard the phrase “cradle to the grave”. I’ve heard it used in order to criticize government services and/or welfare (as in “cradle to the grave welfare state”).

  • I don’t understand why nativity scenes MUST be on government owned land. They absolutely are allowed to have a nativity scene. Nobody said they are forbidden. They can set it up on their front yard or in the middle of the city or anywhere, as long as it’s privately owned land. Why do they get so butthurt when they are refused from putting it on public land?

    Holy Science!
    I thought Hemant was kidding when he said that they disagreed with diversity, environmentalism and tolerance. I mean are they really that stupid? Are you telling me that the world would be better if we were all exactly the same and drove hummers fueled by nucear waste to our neighbors house? People are derp-TASTIC!

    No, what they are saying is that the world would be better if we are all divided, intolerant of each other, hated each other, and those of us that do want to drive hummers fueled by nuclear waste should do just that, and laugh at all others who oppose it.

  • @Lady Meredith:

    I don’t understand why nativity scenes MUST be on government owned land. They absolutely are allowed to have a nativity scene. Nobody said they are forbidden. They can set it up on their front yard or in the middle of the city or anywhere, as long as it’s privately owned land. Why do they get so butthurt when they are refused from putting it on public land?

    I don’t understand it either. I think they’re just used to the special treatment, so the idea of equal rights seems like discrimination to them.

  • SeekerLancer

    I don’t understand the Right-wing Christians who believe the best way to win converts is open hostility to everyone who isn’t them.

    I suppose asking to understand that is asking way too much.

  • madscutter

    @muggle & @Dan- Love Bob Rivers! The only Xmas music I can normally tolerate. “The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen” & “Walkin’ ‘Round in Women’s Underwear” always bring a smile to my face.