Turkeys for Jesus November 8, 2010

Turkeys for Jesus

By Guest Contributor
November 8, 2010

If you haven’t accepted Jesus in your life yet, November is the perfect time to do so because Landover Baptist Church is offering a free gift:

If I weren’t a vegetarian, I’d be all over this Salvation Turkey.

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  • michael

    500 dollars for a turkey? just buy a damn turkey. how about instead of spending 500 dollars for one turkey, spend 500 dollars on 50 turkeys and then donate them to people who don’t have anything. seems like a much more Christian thing to do than a 500 dollar turkey.

  • JT

    For $500 the “free” Jesus Turkey better be the best damn turkey ever to sacrifice itself so that my sins can be forgiven…oh, and to be extra delicious. The turkey…not my sins.

    Though those are pretty decadent.

  • Don Rose

    All religious people are “Turkeys for jebus”.

  • If I had the money I’d go for the “Creation Science Research experimental Turkey with an attached pig tail and malformed horse nose!” I bet it tastes like chicken.

  • medussa

    Genital free??!! For $500 I want the genitals still attached.

  • Yeah, I’m not joining any religion unless I get bird genitals.

  • “Hey! This turkey’s got no gobbler!”

    Seriously, though — WHAT?! Five hundred bucks for a turkey?! Eff that! Eff that right in its Ay!

  • JAH

    You do realize that http://www.landoverbaptist.org is a parody site, don’t you?

  • Joost

    You guys do know that Landover is a spoof, right?

  • Anonymous

    LOL Landover. I luvs ya!

  • Joost

    Yes I know, I’m no fun. But seriously, if “steroid-engorged legs” didn’t set you off, “$10000+ 72-84 Pound Creation Science Research experimental Turkey with an attached pig tail and malformed horse nose! (Limited Supply!)” should have registered.

  • Greg

    Damn, I thought this offer, and the Landover Baptist Church, were both real for a minute. : )

  • Greg

    In addition to the increasing ridiculousness of the offers, you can also note their ads which are all for atheist merchandise — some pretty funny stuff, in fact. : )

  • Danielle

    $500 for a Turkey? Wut.

  • see, internet atheists are so dumb. if only someone would do a similar site, but with “reasonable” prices. a “gentile free” (oops, you know what i meant) turn-key offered at $9.95? now *that* would make someone a mint. ain’t hardly no xtians who can say “no” to the HSChannel.

  • Meredith

    Yeah, I’m not joining any religion unless I get bird genitals.

    Funniest damn thing ever.

  • Russell

    Yeah, I’m not joining any religion unless I get bird genitals.

    That’s how I became an atheist. I was lured in by their reason and turkey genitals.

  • Does that make McDonald’s an overtly Christian corporation through their sales of chickens’ nuggets?

  • Jim

    Is Betty Bowers still around? She’s perfectly equipped to make fun of the religious right, circa 1993.

  • Oscar

    The package looks like the pope’s hat!!! If my photoshop skills were anything closer to existant…

  • I read this and then had to double check that it was Landover Baptist Church. The sign of an excellent parody.

  • ManaCostly

    I cant remember what that law is called which says you can distinguish the nutters from the parody.

  • JD

    I’ve never heard of this parody church. But one tip-off should have been the $500 for a “free” turkey. I’ve never heard of anyone worrying about animal genitals, but maybe it’s a Levitical thing I’ve forgotten.

  • You can’t be a vegetarian if you eat babies, Hemant. That still counts as meat.

  • RG

    At work our corporate filter blocks the Landover site as “Tasteless and Offensive”. Too bad I’m suppose to be working anyway or else I’d complain.

  • I love it! Made me think of Don McLean’s “Sister Fatima” (for $5 the flower is free; adjust for inflation, that was from his “American Pie” album in 1971, one of the best music albums of all time) but it’s hardly an original thought and, hell, $500 for a turkey is so over the top that it hints at how Christians love you and care about you — when you’re tithing.

    Betty Bowers is great and I love her but Landover is the King of all Poes.

  • Alex

    Parody? Behind the curtains of all great religions they know they are serving up turkey.

  • Silent Service

    Beautiful Poe. It does kind of look like a Bishop’s hat.

    I’m going to have to start telling people Landover Baptist whenever they ask me what church I go to.

  • Ooh, good idea, Silent Service.