Want to Help a Hell House? October 23, 2010

Want to Help a Hell House?

If any of you can help out the Landover Baptist Church, they’re looking for help with their Halloween Hell House:

It only gets worse:

Look in dumpsters behind Planned Parenthood or each and every trash container in any government housing project! Put as many fetuses as you can into a strong plastic bag, then put them into a cooler and pack it with ice to keep the fetuses fresh. Remember, your packages must arrive before October 24th! Simply send whatever you can via US Postal Service to:

Landover Baptist University Hell House Ministry
425 Soulwinner’s Blvd.
Freehold, Iowa 85442

Please note that fetuses the Lord Jesus has aborted (AKA “miscarriages”) will not be accepted. We trust your word on this because we really can’t tell the diffference between the babies God aborts and the ones that Satan’s doctors abort.

I can’t believe I have to point this out, but someone will inevitably get all offended. It’s all satire, people.

Still, how much worse is it, really, than actual Hell Houses?

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Michelle

    These hell house people are so silly, gays don’t wear body glitter, vampires do.

  • Michelle

    On a more serious note, I’m glad the Landover folks go so over the top to point out the sickness of this garbage. Unfortunately I can see some disgusting excuses for human beings cheering for this idea and looking for fetuses. If you will terrorize your 11 year old daughter with it, what won’t you do in the name of ‘holiness’?

  • Sarah

    Just when I think my feelings for Landover can’t get any stronger they go and do something like this.

    I’m gonna show my support…

    ::googles address of local baby killing facility::

  • I use all of my fetuses to make satay.

    I told them to use just any mammalian fetus, because God made all fetuses look just like human fetuses in early development, just to test our faith. Either that, or it was the Devil. I get those guys mixed up all the time.

  • Vanessa

    Ahhhhh! Nothing is scarier than Buddhists and homosexuals.

  • bigjohn756

    I am definitely going to attend services tomorrow morning to pray for enough fetuses. Which church, you ask? Why, Landover Baptist, where else?

  • minus

    Look, there is only one way to deal with these people. They must be ignored and allowed to wither away and die. They thrive on publicity. Please, Hernant, don’t waste your time and space posting articles about them. You’re only giving them what the want.

  • Scientists estimate that one-third of all incipient pregnancies spontaneously abort. On this basis, God is the super-mega-king of abortionists and no one else can touch him. (Right-wing “pro-life” Christians should seriously consider picketing and boycotting him.)

  • As a progressive pro-lifer I really wish they would put as much enthusiasm into universal health care and with it free contraception than this nonsense.

  • BathTub

    minus, read all the down.

  • LisaR

    Fortunately, after the documentary Hell House got some publicity, Hell Houses seem to have gone the way of Jesus Camp. At least I hope they did.

  • Rarian, you are a person after my own heart.

  • BlueRidgeLady

    @Rarian Rakista

    Do you believe abortions should be illegal? Do you feel this way in cases of rape and incest? Or do you just personally feel YOU would never have an abortion in any instance?

  • Richard P.

    On this basis, God is the super-mega-king of abortionists and no one else can touch him.

    I guess it’s time to put a bullet in the son of a bitch then.

  • Liz

    @Richard P.

    I’ve got a gun.

  • muggle

    LMAO! Landover is the king of all Poes. Seriously.

    I just wish FB would let Pastor Flint have his page again. I am sorely lacking in spiritual guidance due to his unexplained disappearance. Maybe he got raptured?

  • Craig

    My heart breaks for that poor 11 year old girl in the linked story. Her dad, who thinks he’s doing her a favor by terrifying her into submission, is emotionally abusive.

  • fritzy

    Still, how much worse is it, really, than actual Hell Houses?

    Not much, Hemant, not much.

  • MeKo

    The amazing thing about the Hell House above is that the Reverend behind it is running for Mayor of Chicago.

  • BlueRidgeLady: I can’t speak for Rarian, but I generally find the idea of abortion disturbing (potentially a lingering effect of my indoctrination, I’m not sure) so in that way I’m pro-life. I wouldn’t want to ban it, so I’m also pro-choice; I’d work harder at getting people to use contraceptives properly to make them unnecessary in the first place. Doesn’t do much to prevent abortions due to rape or incest, but it’d help reduce the total number.

  • Josh

    I’ve seen churches with a setup like that trash can. That’s suprisingly commom around here at halloween actually.

  • LeAnne

    .. what the hell?

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