A Comedian’s Religion Rant October 16, 2010

A Comedian’s Religion Rant

Comedian Bo Burnham‘s special “Words, Words, Words” airs tonight on Comedy Central — his new CD will be released on Tuesday — and here’s a sneak preview that Catholics may not like…

Lots of excellent wordplay in here.

Here are the lyrics in case you’d like to follow along:

All the seats at the Sunday masses,
Filled with the mass’s massive asses,
Classes pass as fast as molasses.
Ceremonial reading glasses.
Read a little bit of Leviticus.
All the kids are a little too little for this.
All the parents nod in agreement —
“I think I can vaguely see what he meant.”
It’s too early in the morning glory
To read another allegory story,
The father reads a little bit farther,
Assuring the assured that they need not bother
“when god, in verse 45, said the slaves are okay to buy,
He meant that people, all from the start
Each have slaves within their hearts.
Things, that we have sold or boughten, that are forced to pick our moral cotton
God calls us to set these free, free our hearts from slavery…
And then as god goes on to explain the logistics of buying and selling slaves…”

In the back, I sit and I nod to the beats that are bumpin from my iPod
My god, they’re starting to pray
And over the music I can hear them say,
“Dear god, dear lord, dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword.
Dear good all-seeing being, my way or the highway Yahweh.
The blue-balled anti-masturbator, the great, all-loving faggot hater,
I’d like to thank your Holy Might for making me both rich and white
And though this is your day of rest, I come to you with one request
There’s so much pain beyond this steeple,
Wars and drugs and homeless people.
Sadness, where there should be joy, hate and rape and Soulja Boy.
A world in darkness needs your light, so I’m sure your schedule’s pretty tight
But my dog just had leg surgery if you could fix that first…

Debra Messing’s fingers in a holy place, “Hail Mary full of grace.”

Obama, could you pass some hope to the pope
I know a couple dudes who wanna elope
See the pope said, “nope” so the bros can’t cope.
(The bros can grope but the bros can’t cope.)
They’ve been in love, they’ve been addicted
Who said they shouldn’t? Benedict did.
Cause in the holy land of the lord he’s the holy landlord and dicks are evicted.
Cause you can be a benedict if you’ve been a dick under Benedict but
You can’t have benedicts because there’s only one pope and only one dick
What? a dick on a pope is
Just like a soap on a rope cause it’s
Pointless, unless in prison, throw up your bibles, Christ has risen.
Hallelujah, now it’s raining men,
Because the gender ratio is 1 to 10.
Winos at the eucharist station, trans-gendered-substantiation
Jesus wasn’t the messiah, get back I’m a heretic and I’m on fire
It was Oedipus, and those holy nights
The holy motherfucking Christ.
I’m a blasphemah post-Katrina cruising the marina. on a crusade to cruise AIDS
And blast FEMA
You’re too late, we’re fucked we don’t need ya.

In the name of the father, son and holy ghost
Head, shoulders, knees and toes
Turn up your nose, strike that pose.

(via Atheist Etiquette)

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Joey

    He has a tendency to underestimate his audience which I do not like

  • That was epic. 😀

  • Michelle

    Way awesome fun. Thanks.

  • Chris

    I’ve enjoyed that kid since he was doing YouTube videos. I agree with Joey, though, that he has a tendency towards overdoing things to make sure the joke comes through. Still, I much prefer him to most comics.

  • Robert

    Awesome cannot begin to describe this. And I love how this is set to a song called “Believe Me”.

  • Riksa

    Wow. The end blew me away. =)

    Although I don’t enjoy rap nearly as much as awesome pianism, I’d say he’s approaching the Tim Minchin ballpark. We need more talented atheists and skeptics doing intelligent and, most importantly, GOOD music. Does Burnham do more musical comedy, or was this just a one-off?

  • Riksa

    Replying to myself, so others won’t have to:

    Google is my friend.


  • Fucking awesome.

  • Loves me some Bo. This kid’s wit is razor sharp, and his wordplay is always nerdy, sometimes obscure, and often fantastic. I don’t know if I’d put him quite on a level with Tim Minchin, but he’ll definitely get there and probably beyond, I don’t doubt that.

  • Alinvain

    My fiancée and I watched that last night and looking at our reaction, you would have thought someone scored a touchdown at some big game somewhere.
    This kid is really, really good.

    I say “Burn ’em, Burnham!”

  • Ham Nox


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