This Needs a New Caption… October 7, 2010

This Needs a New Caption…

By Guest Contributor
October 7, 2010

The other day, this was the “Dennis the Menace” comic strip published across the country:

I’m pretty sure you all can come up with a more amusing caption for that image…

Prove me right!

(via The Comics Curmudgeon — thanks to Colin for the link!)

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  • L. Foster

    “Thanks, but I won’t be needing this anymore. Mum and Dad told me about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy and I kinda put two and two together.”

  • “Are you going to make me suck your dick again? Hope so, my butt still hurts”

  • Ubi Dubium

    “Why are you wearing a dress? You just preached a sermon about how ‘God hates fags!’ “

  • littlejohn

    “My asshole still hurts.”

  • JayBab

    As far as Fiction goes, Tolkien was easier and more fun to read, and the Fellowship were waaaaay cooler than those gullible disciples.

  • Christopher

    “You’ll be proud..I uploaded those naked pictures of you to 4chan”

  • In true Dennis style, it should be, “You’ll be proud… I showed those pictures you like to the cops. They said they’ll be here any minute!”

  • Margot

    Hey Rev, take this book I’ve just read “How Religion poisons everything” by Christopher Hitchens. It’s a real eye opener!

  • Richard Wade

    “Reverend Smith, how come we don’t hear the really cool Bible stories in Sunday school, like the one about smashing babies heads against the wall in front of the mommies? We just get boring ones.”

  • Same time again tomorrow?

  • Lucette Smoes

    “My mom says: ‘Don’t let any priest touch you. It is inapopiate'”

  • Bobby

    Hey hey hey, you said I’d get 50 bucks not some fantasy book.

  • You read it too? I want to be just like Samuel when I grow up & smite me some Philistines.

  • Mike Gio

    “Thanks Father. I’ll add this one to my pyre of Korans out back.”

  • JohnMcD

    Mom said you were dickless, but I defended you, I told her “NO he is not! His dick is almost as big as mine”

  • Rob

    Oh exploitable…

    “Christie O’Donnell told me that thing you make me do in the confessional is a sin”

  • Luther

    I cannot tell a lie. Mom and dad were coveting our neighbor who has a job. I understand we’ll be going to hell for seven more generations. So,I guess there is no reason for me to go to church.

  • fritzy

    Pastor Rick, I just read Ezekiel 23:20 yesterday and I was wondering if you could introduce me to the girl they’re talking about–she sounds freaky, just the way I like ’em!

  • “I picked this book up from the Fiction Section. Do you mind returning it back for me?”

  • Hermes

    * I’m sorry mister, I don’t take candy from strange men.

    * I’m sorry mister, I don’t take candy from men in dresses.

    —

    * A free Bible? After reading the last one, I don’t need to read it again. I’m already an atheist after all.

  • Anna

    This book contradicts my scientific upbringing.

  • You’ll be proud. I can bend over and tie my shoes just like you showed me the other day in the Sacristy.

  • godless

    You want me to lick the hotdog in your bible? Sure, but my mom wants to watch.

  • Revyloution

    I liked Dennis better when he was a menace. The goody two shoes Dennis is boring and un-funny.

    Best caption idea I can think of is “Here, take this book back. It sucked.”

  • “I’m not supposed to lie in church, but mom also says I’m not supposed to swear, so I can’t tell you what I really thought of this thing.”

  • “Is that the one with the Thetans in it?”

  • “Don’t patronize me, Mister Preacher. I don’t believe in Thundercats, either.”

  • Steve

    “I knew I left that somewhere! Did you find my underwear too?”

  • Joe_No_Halo

    “Gee, Rev, I used to have an imaginary friend, too. But I outgrew that phase. What’s your problem?”
    _

    “Hey, Rev… did I hear you right?… That the Pope’s been a dick?”

  • Shawn

    “If you like me, you’d like my neighbor, Mr. Wilson. Dad say’s he’s a tight ass.”

  • Austin

    “Dennis, my God!…there’s a knot in your hair!”

    “Boy, do I have a gift for you…”

  • Luis

    “Thanks, but I don’t need this book anymore. Sci-Fi is by so far much better.”

  • Pictured: Atomic family

  • Alice

    Priest: This is the closest I’ve gotten to an exorcism all month… I should have gone to med school.

  • HamsterWheel

    “Just remember Dennis, God loves you but he thinks you’re a pathetic, filthy, worthless vermin who deserves to be roasted alive in a burning lake of fire for all eternity, with demon monsters eating your eyeballs out and chewing your arms and legs off for ever and ever. The only way to escape the fate you DESERVE is to admit to yourself that you are a vile, horrible, filthy stinking worthless wretched puddle of scum and beg God Our Father In Heaven to forgive you for your sin. It’s the only way. You’re six years old now, it’s time you understand the truth. It’s all right there in this book. Read it. Know it. Believe it.”

  • Badger3k

    “Dennis – would you grab my bookmark again?”

  • Duo

    “My mom didn’t like that thing in her ass either!”

  • “why do i look like you more than daddy? why is mommy closing her legs tighter than a bank vault when she looks at you? and why are those people in black and white? what is this the fifties?”

  • Jenn

    haha, Moral Orel anyone?

    —
    “Here just take it. I can’t believe my parents sold me out to the whole town for studying my science book.”

  • Anura

    Dennis: “Now that I notice: our hair color matches! Are we related?”

    (Sorry, but that was the only thing I thought funny for the whole picture… that and the red-cheecked expression of Dennis’ mother… Suspicious…)

  • “No thanks, Mister, my soul’s worth more on eBay!”

  • littlejohn

    Why am I still in this stupid, unfunny strip? Why can’t they just merge us with “The Family Circus” and throw us all into a Qu’ran bonfire? Oh yeah, toss in that stupid fuck Garfield, too. Liking lasagna isn’t even remotely funny.

  • Parse

    “Thanks, Pastor, for not giving me the ‘special’ blessing in front of my parents.”

  • Hey, Mr. Preacher, you know all about God, right? So how come Daddy told Mommy the other night that God only knows why I look more like you than him?

  • muggle

    Am I the only one that thought it was funny (and I hate Dennis the Menance — he’s a doddamned brat who should be made to leave the old man next door the fuck alone, if I were Mr. Wilson, I’d have called CPS already just to get him off my goddamned case and I love kids, I could not, however, for the life of me imagine letting my grandson annoy an old man this way /rant) and not too reverant?

    After all, this six year old is bypassing bedtime prayers by uploading a computer program! That you’ll be proud sounds almost mocking.

  • Widgetas

    “I think I saw something in Leviticus about being able to see a woman’s knees. Do we stone my Mom ’round the back or in front of the alter?”

  • Aardvark

    I uploaded my prayers last night and the webpage said they were sent to /dev/null.

  • «bønez_brigade»

    Isn’t a priest hovering over a child caption enough?

    Maybe DTM should be Nietzschefied like TFC:
    http://www.losanjealous.com/nfc/perm.php?c=86&q=52

  • Loving the comments on this. Surprising how quickly it went blue.

  • Grimalkin

    This one is for the atheism=Hitler comments the Pope made:

    “My anus is bleeding!”

  • ManaCostly

    “Hello, I am required by law to tell you I’m a repeat sex offender.”

  • JB Tait

    . . . so now can you give me the URL for His blog?”

  • Vas

    What the fuck Mary, a NAMBLA outreach on VHS!?! Who the hell still has a VCR you bitter old queen.

  • Clyde

    Hey Rev, remember last week when you said you sprinkled some holy water on a woman’s belly and she passed a baby? Well, yesterday I sprinkled some battery acid on a cat’s ass and he passed a motorcycle! (Ba-doom)

  • Michael

    Allow my rod and staff to comfort you…

  • You’re only paying attention to me because my name almost rhymes with penis.

  • Ex Partiot

    I can’t ad anything to it as the captions sent said it all

  • stormtroopervii

    “I’ve been living as a gay fish!”

  • Jeff Sherry

    I want my dollar back from the collection plate, you ripped off that idiotic sermon from answers in genesis. Are you a robot that can’t think for your self?

  • abadidea

    “is it true that blonde hair is a recessive gene?”

  • Russell

    Do we have to go to that closet every time we play “Touch Me Jesus”?

  • Since prayer relies on a connectionless protocol it was more of a broadcast than an upload.