The Glory and the Spout October 6, 2010

The Glory and the Spout

By Guest Contributor
October 6, 2010

Umm… hey, Oral Roberts Ministries, I know you’re proud of your magazine Miracles and all, but you should really get someone outside your staff to approve your covers…

Wow…

(Thanks to Meredith for the link!)

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  • OH COME ON.

  • Or they need to stop using photos out of context; he’s clearly about to snap her neck. 😉

  • Atom Jack

    “Under the spout”? How sexual is that?

    FOUND PORN!

  • Is that a pearl necklace she’s wearing?

  • JimG

    They didn’t call him Oral for nothin’.

  • Min

    It’s even better that they put spout in quotes. It’s a “spout”… wink wink, nudge nudge.

    Just wait until you get a load of the “glory”!

  • Camus Dude

    Self-parody of the highest degree. I think all of our Poe-meters just exploded.

  • Siamang

    No WAY!

  • bill

    this woman is well prepared for the second coming…

  • Matt

    She looks ready for a mouthful of God’s love.

  • fritzy

    If this is real (has anyone checked the veracity?) I have a feeling that someone responsible for designing this cover was entirely aware of what they were doing. There is no way anyone is that sheltered or naiive. There is no way that could make it though the number of hands it has to go through without someone noticing how overtly “Oral” it is.

    Interestingly, I don’t think Hustler has ever had a cover this suggestive.

  • Allison

    And…bill wins teh interwebz for the day. Nice one.

  • Heh. Heh heh. Okay, either they really are just that naive, or this was entirely intentional.

    Wonder if she’s ready for the Second Coming?

  • “I wanna get down on my knees and start praising Jesus, wanna feel his salvation all over my face . . .” TM Eric Cartman

  • sam

    You’d have to dip this in ranch dressing to make it any better.

  • Fritzy I live in Tulsa and believe me it’s possible!!

    Also please do a Google image search for pictures of Oral Roberts University of you’ve never seen it!

    gold plated Jetson building
    giant gold bottlecap looking building
    giant praying hands
    gold plated skyscraper that is so reflective you can see all of the cars from the parking lot
    giant fountain that looks like it should have girls in 60’s style bikinis frolicking in it at all times

    I always take visitors on a tour. It’s quite unbelievable and kind of fantastic in a horrid, kitschy sort of way. Then I remember how much I dislike Oral and all of his creepy family.

  • no! no way!

  • Ewan

    This goes on FAIL blog. Now.

  • LMAO! Classic…
    And the whole “oral” thing…his parents didn’t see that coming???

  • Hahahaha! All Poes shall bow to their stranger-than-fiction masters! Oh priceless.

  • get on your knees and repare to receive the holy sacrament of the golden halo shower.

  • Epistaxis

    Only a dirty atheist would arrive at such a wrong interpretation.

    But seriously. Poe.

  • Claudia

    I hold out hope that this cover had students of the Oral University (just the name is hilarious) giggling in the halls.

    “Lord cometh unto me!”

  • Daniel

    This is nothing. I did a lot of driving over the summer and would occasionally listen to the Christian Rock/Pop for the laughs.

    For instance, the actual opening lyrics to “Your Love is Extravagant” by Casting Crowns:

    Your love is extravagant
    Your friendship, it is intimate
    I feel I’m moving to the rhythm of Your grace
    Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
    Cause Your love is extravagant

    There’s just zero awareness how else their message might be interpreted.

  • littlejohn

    Thank gawd his brother, Anal, didn’t found the university.
    I don’t think this is a Poe. They’re too witless and this is just a bit subtle. But you never know – if it’s a Poe, it’s a truly great Poe.

  • Pen

    So…God has a penis?

  • muggle

    I don’t think it’s either a Poe or witless though they’d feign surprise if called on it. Sex sells.

  • l.vellenga

    sigh. oral roberts is a whack job.

  • Daniel Dorfman

    Wink wink nudge nudge grin grin
    Saaaaay no more!

  • ursulamajor

    Oh for crap’s sake, I’m going back to bed. I’ve screwed this pooch in countless ways. Ignore me.

  • Even with the sexual innuendos aside, it is a disturbing example of how people succumb to authority figures as if that guy could really channel some kind of “God energy” into that woman by grasping her in that way. Its sad.

    Maybe they also sell snake oil on the side.

  • sc0tt

    I’m getting excited imagining her without the dentures.

  • Drew M.

    I’m getting excited imagining her without the dentures.

    Gumballing FTW!

  • «bønez_brigade»

    Oral Roberts Ministries, […], you should really get someone outside your staff to approve your covers…

    I approve!

  • Dan W

    Wow, really? How could they not notice the innuendo in this magazine cover? Are some Christians that unaware of such things?

  • Roger

    April, I’m from Tulsa and it was hilarious going past ORU. What was even crazier was the time I was on campus and checked out their Master of Divinity program (I foolishly thought all M.Div programs were created equal). After two hours on that campus, I decided to get the hell out of Tulsa.

  • Jay

    PORN!

  • David McAuliffe

    What ever happen to the 700 foot Jesus crossing?