Gay People Do What…? June 1, 2010

Gay People Do What…?

According to Martin Ssempa, everything you need to know about homosexuality can be summarized by 2 Girls, 1 Cup.

It’s laughable, until you realize Ssempa is a leading advocate of the Kill the Gays bill in Uganda, which could sentence homosexuals to death.

(Thanks to Joe for the link)

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  • Dan

    OMFG, this needs to go viral.

  • jsg

    Yes until you realize who Ssempa is, you might think – has he seen straight p*rn recently.

    Vanguard did a story on the anti-gay legislation, and the influence of the American Evangelical Christian movement.
    — see link below.

  • littlejohn

    What do the Ugandans plan to do about all those dung beetles in their country? I’m pretty sure they eat poo-poo.
    I like Ding-Dongs. Does that make me bad?

  • bigjohn756

    Eat da poo poo fans include A. Mozart, and, I am sure many others–gay and straight. Why, I myself was told that I was an eat the poo poo fan when I was very, very, young. Apparently, I did some fine murals in the stuff, too. But, that’s probably more than you wanted to know.

  • SpencerDub

    I made it 55 seconds before I had to stop.

    This is absurd.

  • adam

    “And they eat the poo poo”


    There are a few things that baffle me about this video

    First why is this guy obsessed about feces?

    Second, while the particular act is disgusting, the feces bit not homosexuality, why and how could you legislate based on that point?

    And third do those people seriously think that’s what being gay is or involves, crap eating!?

    Although a must admit I did laugh at the end “and he put the hand DEEPERRR!!!!!”

    But I don’t think I will be able to eat ice-cream again

  • oh sweet jesus the ignorance hurts my brain

  • Kelly

    They eat the poo-poo
    Oh man, I couldn’t stop laughing!

  • They are a bunch of sick perverts. I don’t mean gay people, I mean those bigots. The garbage they spew is 100X more vile and depraved than anything you’ll ever encounter actual LGBT people doing. And the way they’re so obsessed with gay sex is utterly creepy.

  • I seriously doubt that the video is even real. I think the brown substance is something else.

  • Ben

    They eat the poo-poo
    Oh man, I couldn’t stop laughing!

    Until you realise that Uganda is set to start executing gays based on lies like this, I hope.

    And Christains think their religion is better than Islam … *shakes head*

  • Notice that him describing ‘anal licking’, fisting and coprophagia was okay for children, but showing the video was where he drew the line…

  • Jack

    I watched this last night with my girlfriend, and we both were tragically saddened to see this happening. We came to the agreement, while religion was the vehicle to enact such hatred and violence upon the Ugandan homosexual community, the economic poverty was the root of the problem. I can’t see how these American preachers could achieve similar results in an industrialized and developed area.

    What do other people think?

  • Krista

    I wonder how he explains the fact that there are also heterosexuals engaging in “eating of the poo poo” and in fisting…even (*gasp!*) without drugs to numb the pain!

    It sickens me to think there are such blind and bigoted people in the world like Ssempa.

  • Matt

    So when people in Uganda start becoming executed, can we claim that evangelical Christians were responsible for kick starting genocide?

  • jose

    Even if that were all true instead of a galactically stupid babbling, I don’t quite follow the idea. How does it work? ‘They eat the poo poo, therefore we need to murder them’? I mean what do you care about them eating whatever they may eat anyway?

  • Alexrkr7

    @ jose: This is a clip from a documentary show called Vanguard (you can see this on hulu). This episode was about American evangelicals influence in Uganda and the ‘kill the gays’ bill. The reason it matters to these ignorant people is because they believe in a vast international conspiracy of the gays. That they indoctrinate and rape children into a chosen lifestyle.

    So that’s why they care; ridiculous, paranoid, ignorant bigotry.

  • Ridiculous to find one fetish behavior that only a few practice and make it a basis for denying homosexuals’ civic rights to have sex and relationships with each other and worse their right to live.

    As a heterosexual, I would hate to have consequences put on me for the fetish behavior of other heterosexual couples.

    One of the things that disgusts me most about religion is the way it has demonized sex. How sad that what can be one of the most pleasurable, wonderful things in life has been so distorted by the ridiculous notions of people who claimed to know the will of god(s).

  • JulietEcho

    Yeah, I saw the whole documentary, and it shows some horrible things that undoubtedly influenced the policy in Uganda. It’s hard to tell whether these evangelical pastors (especially those not from Western countries) really believe that there’s a conspiracy of gay child-rapists out there or whether they’re using it as propaganda to push fear into the levels necessary to get their laws passed. I’m pretty sure there are some of both.

    Also coprophagia and fisting and such (which many more straight people engage in than gay people, just like anal sex), when done between consenting adults, might gross people out when they hear about it, but that does nothing to threaten a country’s wellbeing or security. It’s so scary when people try to legislate religious morality.

  • Militant Atheist

    Everything the pastor said — about homosexuals engaging in ugly practices — is also being practiced by heterosexuals. Haven’t you seen a male lick a woman’s ass? Fingering? May be you should ban sex. (Now wouldn’t that be better off for Africans who breed like bacteria?)

    These animals in Africa need to be civilized.

  • Angie

    I saw MISSIONARIES OF HATE as well on Current TV, and the homophobia preached by Ssempa and his ilk turned my stomach. Fundamentalists in Uganda (with winks from some American evangelicals) are using lies and scare tactics to make life miserable for LGBT people there, and if the anti-gay legislation passes, I fear the worst.

    Why can’t these people focus on Uganda’s actual problems, such as poverty and civil unrest? Why scapegoat innocent LGBT people?

  • This “Pastor Doctor Major Colonel Admiral Martin Ssempa” needs to be on SNL. I swear it seems like it would be a parody…

    Quotes I will not forget.

    “Dey eet de poo poo”
    “Like ice cream”
    “‘e poots de ‘and DEEEPA!!!” (while thrusting his own arm forward and leaning into it.)

    I also think its hysterical how his “little research” amounts to turning the moderation filter off on Google Video and searching for “gay”

  • JT

    And most heterosexuals lick an orifice out of which urine, blood and most disgustingly of all…tiny people spew forth. Though “Doctor” Ssempa more than likely doesn’t engage in such deviant behavior. Not because it’s a sin or against god, but because he likely couldn’t care less about a woman having a pleasurable sexual experience.

    Also: Dogs love eating poo-poos. And we don’t exterminate them to distract from poverty stricken conditions arising from our incompetence in governing. We give them walkies…and tummy rubs.

  • He said the key thing, he just missed it, “…in the privacy of their own bedroom…”

  • William

    They eat poo-poo!? I’m certainly glad no heterosexual would ever lick the anus of their partner…

  • Steve

    Good grief! He wants Obama to explain fisting…I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. Sad.

  • J B Tait

    So as I understand the logic here, they have made equals of two conditions and if there is Justice in what he is advocating, being executed is no worse than knowing someone might be eating poo poo.

    I wonder if he would be willing to trade the two conditions, and try out the being executed part.

  • christopher

    ‘eat the poo poo’, has to become the new internet meme

  • William

    Yep that is exactly what we do. We all eat the poo poo like ice cream and do the fisting. We were really hoping no one would figure that out, but I guess the jig is up.

  • lol, my roomate just went to the bathroom, without a moments hesitation I yelled out “Do not eat de poo poo!

    He is currently laughing to hard to poo poo.

  • Robster, FCD

    Let’s all join in a chorus of “Martin Ssempa is completely heterosexual” to the tune of “Ted Haggard is completely heterosexual.”

  • Kelly

    To ben:
    I am not sure what you are getting at but I simply have sense of humor bc I think this whole thing is ridiculous. I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that they assume all homosexuals eat each others crap or “poo-poo”.

  • Evil Paul

    You want to laugh except that it’s the really crazy lies that are the hardest to deal with. Like the stories about Jews killing babies at Passover. How do you even start dealing with something that ignorant and that far out of left field? I mean, what do you say to the angry mob that’s accusing you of wanting to abduct children and make them ‘eat de poo poo?’ I seriously almost want to laugh except I got a mental image of some poor guy getting his face kicked in while trying to scream ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

  • Steve

    Well, it took about 1 day before someone made a musical remix of “eat da poo poo”. Check it out:

  • sash

    I’ve noticed that nearly all of the homophobic men preaching against the “gays” seem to be exclusively obsessed with MALE homosexuality. I’ve rarely, and I mean really rarely, ever seen lesbians mentioned as existing, much less their sexual practices given so much loving attention detail.*

    Interestingly, I rarely see the critics of these douchecanoes mention it either.

    So just this once, I think I’m not going to complain about the patriarchal misogyny of these assholes.

    * This is not ignore bi or trans people in any way; I’ve just noticed that generally the discussion of “gay” sex is assumed to be male with male sex, as though it is the only kind that exists.

  • Ben

    Kelly, honestly it’s not something I can find even darkly humorous. It’s tragic, and it’s scary, and it makes me glad I live in a western democracy. I’ve had to put up with a lot of shit (no pun intended) in my life to sit back and laugh at something so pathetic but very, very dangerous. If the government won’t murder gays, and everything points to them doing that, the American Christians spreading these sort of lies will incite the people to do it themselves.

    Sorry, but I just can’t muster a hearty chuckle for that.

    What it does show is exactly what would happen if America (or any other country, for that matter) really were a Christian theocracy. It’s no better than Islam, but we have quasi-democratic politics give us at least some protection.

  • plutosdad

    I don’t know, maybe humor is the only weapon to shame and ridicule the average person into realizing how these leaders really sound. Break the spell they hold so to speak.

    Certainly it doesn’t sound like logic will work, especially when emotions are high.

  • Kelly

    The remix…very well done!

  • MaryD

    Thank goodness there are some countries standing up against the importation of American decadence!

    It should be obvious to all rational ‘freethinkers’ that if “the bits don’t fit” then homosexuality isn’t ‘natural’. Any arguments that are used to justify homosexuality can equally be deployed in favour of paedophilia too. No doubt that will be the next stage. Indeed, already in the UK, we have had the spectacle of an aged, knighted, homosexual actor on TV, proudly showing pictures of him visiting schools to groom eleven year-old boys. Is there no limit to their depravity?

  • Great, well this blows my summer trip to Uganda. The wife will be upset, but if I can’t relax now and then with a quick round of poo poo eating and fisting then you can count me out.

  • Azzere

    For someone who supposedly finds homosexuality abhorrent, he has certainly done a lot of ‘research’ on the subject.

    I often wonder why these religious types get so worked up about something consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom. Perhaps they have had gay fanatasies themselves and where the rest of us ‘normal’ people having such thoughts would find it interesting maybe, but not something we would necessaraly explore. Those whose religions condem these thoughts however are likely to feel extremely confused and frightened by their fantasies. Leading them to try and bury their (perfectly natural) feelings beneath “IM NOT GAY, LOOK HOW MUCH I HATE GAYS”

    Along the lines of Jung’s shadow persona theory, perhaps what they really find abhorrent are aspects of themselves which have been pushed in to the unconscious, revealling themselves in the totally irrational and unwavering hatred of all things gay.

  • adam

    Thank goodness there are some countries standing up against the importation of American decadence!

    It should be obvious to all rational ‘freethinkers’ that if “the bits don’t fit” then homosexuality isn’t ‘natural’. Any arguments that are used to justify homosexuality can equally be deployed in favour of paedophilia too. No doubt that will be the next stage. Indeed, already in the UK, we have had the spectacle of an aged, knighted, homosexual actor on TV, proudly showing pictures of him visiting schools to groom eleven year-old boys. Is there no limit to their depravity?

    I so hope that this is a poe
    But in case it isn’t

    MaryD your committing what’s know as the naturalistic fallacy.
    Whether or not something is natural or unnatural has no bearing on it being good, bad, moral or unmoral.
    Natural has an established meaning which is something being present in or coming from nature aka not being man made, that’s it a simple statement of fact. Homosexuality is natural because it is present in nature, in fact it’s been observed in all known mammal species.

    But regardless of this even if homosexuality was unnatural then so what, that alone still wouldn’t make it bad. Things like modern medicine, mass transit, and long distance media and commutation are all unnatural but most people would said these are definitely good things. Where as things like hemlock and disease are both natural but are/can be fatal.

    We judge things/actions by the resulting consequences of those thing/actions. Pedophile is wrong because there is direct harm caused to the child by way of the adult sexually preying on them. Where as homosexuality is not wrong due to there being no detrimental consequences resulting from consenting adults having relations with each other.

    That’s all I have to say right now but If you or anyone else wants a more thorough explanation watch this episode of The Atheist Experience were they discuss The Naturalistic Fallacy.

    And as for them “standing up against the importation of American decadence”
    How is jailing and killing people for simply being gay a good thing?
    And just as importantly how is lying to the masses about what homosexually really means and who they really are, a good thing?

    I mean seriously “they eat the poo-poo” really come on now.

  • Brian Macker

    Hilarious and scary at the same time. The audience doesn’t seem to realize that he could have made the same argument against outlawing heterosexuality had he only visited other fetish sites and shown those videos.

  • Brian Macker


    “..the economic poverty was the root of the problem. … What do other people think?”

    I think you are wrong. If they were really that poor they’d be happy to have some fresh poo poo to eat. 🙂

  • Brian Macker

    Seriously, it’s most likely cultural and has little to do with poverty. Neither does crime.

  • well this is a little late (well ive been hiding under a rock for the past few months so shush!) and perhaps tad bit off topic but for anyone intrested, the commision set up in Uganda about the proposed law came back and suggested withdrawing it becuase of all the international presure (and scrutiny heh) bit of good news i suppose ^_^

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