Muslim and Lesbian May 30, 2010

Muslim and Lesbian

I have no idea what I’d say to this woman if I met her…

It’s easy to say you have to either suppress your sexuality or lose your faith. But neither one is easy or she would’ve done it already.

It’s the same dilemma as being a gay Christian.

Where do you go from there?

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  • “How do I fix it?”

    I say, there is nothing about this woman that needs to be fixed.

    However, maybe seeing a counselor that is familiar with islam might be an option, or speaking with other muslims who are part of the LGBT community. It also depends on where she lives. If she is living in the middle east, it will obviously be much harder for her than if she lives in a country where she has more options to explore both her faith and her sexuality.

  • One thing is who you are and cannot be changed. The other is a choice and can be changed. One guess as to which is which.

    I say change that which can be changed, and embrace that which cannot.

  • Vivian

    I agree with Beth in seeking support. Perhaps this woman does not want to let go of her faith. But Yet Another Atheist is also right in embracing what you cannot change.

  • Claudia

    I know myself to be unqualified to answer, being neither Muslim nor lesbian, but I suspect others could help her out:

  • littlejohn

    This could be the basis for a really great porn movie.
    Imagine a strip-tease that starts with a burqa…

  • I would say that abandoning a faith that does not accept you is the only option.

    But then I would say that.

  • Richard Wade

    Abandoning your sexuality definitely does not work. However, completely abandoning your religion is more than what most people are able/willing to do. (I combine able and willing because that is an all-day debate by itself.)

    So do what lesbian Christians do, or what lesbian Hindus, Jews, or millions of non-fundamentalist religious people around the world do. Pick and choose what works for you in your religion, and ignore or be philosophical about the rest. When you do, you’ll realize that people who claim to be fundamentalists or literalists also pick and choose from their scriptures, ignoring what is inconvenient; they’re just not honest about it. Keep what you see as the essence of your religion and see that it is not diminished if you disregard an extraneous side bar. As Beth points out, start with the belief that your sexuality needs to be “fixed.”

    Religions are slow to change, but they are not completely static objects. They adapt and evolve like everything else that is comprised of living things. Picking and choosing what works for an individual or a small group is why there are thousands of sub-sects of religions.

    When we encounter someone who is suffering, our response should be doing whatever can reduce that suffering, rather than whatever will promote our own ideology.

  • Eris

    If she doesn’t want to give up her faith, then she should change her faith.

    Not change to a different faith, but make revisions to her existing one. Give up the idea that the Quran is infallible and make adjustments to Islam to make it more acceptable. Perhaps it’s time for someone to found the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Mosques. 😉

    I know that’s not easy, and certainly within Islam attempting this kind of reform explicitly is inviting physical attacks or murder, but it doesn’t sound like she has any easy choices.

  • Richard P.

    Go on the net, meet a nice girl in canada, Come visit, get married, let your family know, file to become an immigrant due to prosecution.

    While that’s happening, I would also seriously consider the validity of your religious beliefs.

  • You’d have to put this into a cultural context. So much depends on where the woman is from. If it wasn’t for gay sex, there would be no sex outside of marriage in Saudi Arabia. A very large number of women have lesbian relationships. An even greater percentage of men have homosexual relations there, even after marriage. Of course, if you get caught doing anything like that, you’re pretty much dead. However, since the sexes are so thoroughly segregated, it’s pretty much a gay and lesbian free-for-all over there. Go to the Hezbollah controlled area south of the Litani River in Lebanon and you’d find yourself pretty lonely as a gay person, but your life most likely wouldn’t be in danger unless you started flaunting your homosexuality in public. Go to Iran and get caught having gay sex (or suspected) and you’re toast. Besides,the Quran says nothing about lesbian sex.

  • L.Long

    I was going to suggest that she tell Mo to give allah a blow job and get on with her life…..Then I considered where she is….She’s trapped in a plucked up country, with plucked up laws, ruled over by plucked up men & women…and can only feel sorry for her and others there…and be happy I’m here.

    It is worse that the KaKaran doesn’t say anything about lesbians because now the plucked up men can just make stuff up as they wish.

  • Shatterface

    It’s not quite the same dilema as being a gay Christian as apostacy doesn’t carry the same penalty.

  • You leave Christianity, and sometimes your family, and you be who you are.

    With Islam, unless you live in a democratic country, you’re kind of screwed.

  • dartigen

    “How do I fix it?”

    Erm. There’s nothing to be fixed. That’s why fixing it isn’t working – nothing’s broken.

    You’re pretty much going to have to accept that you’re a lesbian and that’s life. Leaving Islam, or at least revising your view of it, means avoiding a whole lot of crippling emotional problems, so that’s probably a good idea if you want to lead a normal life.
    Oh and it’s probably a good idea to find a nice place to live, like the UK or another non-sharia democratic country. Then again, that’s a good idea for any woman in an Islamic country full stop.

  • 3D

    Beth Says:
    May 30th, 2010 at 11:12 am
    “How do I fix it?”

    I say, there is nothing about this woman that needs to be fixed.

    Yes there is. She’s religious.

  • @3D: The woman does not need to be fixed, but I think maybe islam and its treatment of women and the LGBT community does.

  • 3D

    Beth Says:
    May 30th, 2010 at 11:29 pm
    @3D: The woman does not need to be fixed, but I think maybe islam and its treatment of women and the LGBT community does.

    Islam is what it is, though. Mistreatment of gays and women is intrinsic to the belief system. How can you “fix” it?

    If someone believes in Islam, they believe it’s the word of God. So why would they be open to “fixing” it?

  • fritzy

    My heart goes out to her…

  • Axxyaan

    If I would somehow meet a woman like this, I would suggest that since she tried to pray it away and that didn’t work, maybe Allah doesn’t have a problem with her sexuality after all.

  • pinksponge

    Richard Wade’s advice is compassionate and wise, as usual. Support groups for LGBT Muslims — like Al-Fatiha for instance — might be of help.

    Al-Fatiha is dedicated to Muslims of all cultural and ethnic backgrounds who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer, and questioning or exploring their sexual orientation and/or gender identity (LGBTIQQ), and their families, friends and allies.

  • Silent Service

    If Allah doesn not remove the gay from you, it can only be because Allah made you that way and wishes for you to be that way. Move to a free country and enjoy your life.

    Or it could be that there’s no Allah and we are what we are. You should still move to a free country and enjoy your life.

  • colin

    Well, it’s unlikely that this woman would ever ask me for my advice, but if she did I guess I would go with the “physical desires come from God/Allah” route, even though I don’t believe that myself.

  • jake collins

    While this really could be the basis of a great porn flik, I think you simply have to deal with it. Do some research. Where does it say in the bible that a man, making love to another man is a sin?
    Give me the damn verse. Get on with your life, because there isn’t one.

  • Nothing can be fixed or needs to fixed. You didn’t volunteer to be lesbian, so maybe God made you this? Besides, your sexuality is like the color of your skin-its natural, and not going to change.
    I’m openly lesbian myself, I’m still a good human being. I’m nice to animals, and people, and there’s lots of people who look up to me-including muslims.
    The best thing you can do about it is just accept yourself for who and what you are. Afterall, you can be a lesbian and a good person.

  • Daniel Asher

    Hi I am a F to M transgender. I married a women 10 years ago and things have not worked out. i would like to make some friends as i lost contact with every one after marrying. I am a muslim and live in the West Midlands
    I will be happy to talk to anyone

  • Naisa

    How do you fix it???, I’m kind of in the same dilemma..i’m a muslim and im a lesbian..i have tried to pray these feelings away but like they say it’s natural, so u cnt just pray them away…they will always be there,no matter what…

  • RCAnswerer

    There’s no redemption in Islam, nor in some forms of Christianity (if you’re not ‘elect’ you’re cooked).

    This is in opposition to Roman Catholicism, where we make the distinction between a disordered _urge_ and an evil _act_.

    So, for a person with SSA (same sex attraction), the Church puts them in the same boat – the call to chastity – as it does me as as a single male with OSA.

    Yes, it’s a struggle, every day, to be chaste, but we know that ultimately, the struggle to mortify the flesh (under the dictates of reason) is a good work, we share it with Christ (this is our cross which we are to carry after him) and it is a participation in the grace of God. What is difficult or impossible for man is possible for God.

  • Angel

    Naisa. Hi. You are not alone in this world! Many people just like you and I suffer. Keep your head held high because you are a child of Allah. He loves you and me no less than any other. Man nor woman is made perfect….this is by Allah’s design. Allah is perfect and when He created you He new you were imperfect. Live your life as best you can with all your imperfections. Allah will always Bless you.

  • Karr75

    hi! just to remind people that “Say, “The truth is: Allah is One. [1] Allah is Besought of all, needing
    none. [2] He neither begot anyone, nor was begotten. [3] And equal to
    Him has never been any one.”[4] (al-Ikhlas, 112). so, basically, we can’t call ourselves “children of Allah.” Allah does not beget.

  • yes you can by islam

    This was 1 year a go and no answer from Islamic side of things?. But there is, I am a moslum heterosexual, no help if middle east , but from Koranic point this may help: about sodom and gomorrah was not about sexuality but of the killing and other bad things they did and yet no other was told by God to kill them but God did, so who are the people now kill this that are they God?.Now days most want to play God use Koran one side-idly. Koran 2:256  let there be no compulsion in religion. this goes for every one , mosloms and non moslems , whats this got to do with sex gay, well sex isnt taboo in islam but so called  islamic scholars play God and controll people, I am a Turkish moslum not a fanatic. Besides one shuld think first before condemning, whats faith got to do with sexuality? . Be who you are if you want stay with your faith and have fun with your sex and live your life as long as you dont hurt anyone. Islam is about Goodnes not about taboos. Hope this may help.

  • taztartaya7e taz

    you are wrong and stupid sick animal

  • SIlent_Service

     Wow, one year later I get hate mail over this comment from taztartaya7e ta, “you are wrong and stupid sick animal.”  Thank you for the compliment taztartaya7e ta.  Your e-mail tells me that I’ve said something right and useful.

  • MisB

    im in the same situation, i cry in my prayers all the time, my family is strict and my heart is breaking i feel weak that i can’t control my feelings and sexuality 🙁 i love all human, i hope god forgives me or guides me in the right way 🙁

  • guest

    I am muslim gay guy, i understand the dilemas you guys have. I do not practice homosexuality as i think its morally wrong, some people will diagree but i guess thats where differences of opinion come in. Any how i am looking for a really religious muslim girl who wants to to live a clean life in a genuine marriage. I am 23 somali, not in rush to get married, it would be great if we could get to know each other first, if anyone is interested

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