No One Should Restore Stephen Baldwin

You may have already seen the site RestoreStephenBaldwin.org:

As far as I can tell, it’s a real site, not a parody. (Poe’s Law is in effect.)

I love this response to it, though, from Robert Paul Reyes at NewsBlaze:

I laugh when I hear born-again Christians complain that they are persecuted for their faith. Christianity is the predominate religion in America, and professing to be a Christian will open doors for you, not close them.

If Stephen Baldwin wants to experience real persecution, he should convert to atheism or the wiccan religion.

Stephen has been relegated to cable TV reality shows because he’s a lousy actor, not because of his religious beliefs.

The video compares the failed actor to Job, but the Biblical figure stoically endured his trials and tribulations, he didn’t whine and moan like the least talented Baldwin brother.

Baldwin hasn’t been blacklisted, producers simply don’t want to hire a 3rd-rate actor with no fan base.

Reyes adds that there are Christian entertainers out there and they’re not blacklisted because of their faith.

Baldwin is just suffering from some sort of Christian Right martyr complex. He wants attention through this route because he’s not really getting it anywhere else.

…

***Update***: Restore Joss Whedon is a great parody 🙂

(Thanks to Evan for that link)

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Dromedary Hump

This washed up, mentally deficient, third rate loser deserves to be “restored” to a mental institution. Even his own family has distanced themselves from him.
Evan

My favorite response so far is the Restore Joss Whedon alternative.
Jojo

This is the same man who was sending dirty text messages to a fellow inmate on “Celebrity Rehab.” Does fundamentalist Christianity short-circuit the brain’s ability to discern the connection between cause and effect/action and reaction/deed and consequence? Just asking.
medussa

They have GOT to be kidding. It was almost embarrassing to watch. How very, very sad, to see an adult reduced to begging like this.
JulietEcho

Holy crap, “Restore Joss Whedon” is awesome – Hemant, you should add it to the main post. If heaven exists, it will be full of new Firefly episodes.
Josh BA

Job is my favorite book in the Bible because Job is the ultimate cool guy.

Surrounded by juvenile gods and angels (“I bet if you push this guy he will get pissed at you and curse you for being mean to him even though he leads a perfect life!” “Na-uh!” “Ya-huh!” “Prove it!”), naïve friends and wife (“This is all your fault somehow…” “Complain. It will make you feel better and maybe God will listen and stop”), and his family and possessions all being destroyed he just sits there and takes it.

And why does he take it? Because he sees no point in complaining. He knows he did nothing to deserve his fate, but won’t piss off God for no foreseeable profit since God is always right and baring that being true God makes the rules and baring that being true there is no judge to declare God wrong and baring that being true there is no force powerful enough to enforce judgment against God and therefor his only decent move is to take it like a man and hope God gets bored with the game.

Oh. And at the end God thanks Job for winning him that gentleman’s wager by giving him twice what he lost. Double the sons and daughters, double the livestock, double the land, etc. Because that totally makes up for the pain and suffering and the brutal deaths of all his loved ones bar his wife.
sarah

Stephen Baldwin is the reason Stephen Baldwin isn’t getting any work. Way to spin it in a Christian angle you religious folks.
fritzy

Wow, that was the perfect amalgam of painful and shameless.

Job was the iconic biblical figure who not only lost all of his material posessions, but became infested by boils, then saw his loved ones slaughtered as a test from yahwey. Stephen Baldwin is a shitty D list actor whose only role of note was in “The Usual Suspects” and whose debt has exceeded his assets, presumably due to poor money management. If this is a test of his faith, Baldwin is failing pretty miserably at this point. I don’t recall job hitting people up for a “token contribution.” The comparison is laughable at best.

If he doesn’t find enough suckers to bail his talentless ass out financially, do you suppose they will still give all the credit to god?
Hemant Mehta

@JulietEcho — Done and done 🙂 Thanks, Evan!
Xena

Oh man, now I’ve seen it all. It’s bad enough when some never-was stripper blogs about how she needs money to help her find Jesus. Donate money to this has-been because he was fool enough to waste his fortune on his substance abuse?

No thanks. There are enough poor people who came by their misfortune honestly, by birth, and way too many that got that way because somebody–like their ex-husbands or their fathers or their war-mongering governments–all but beat the potential right out of them.

That dick should be paying ME to listen to him. I’m poor by birth.

I bet I’d make a bazillion dollars if I started recording&selling gospel music.
hoverfrog

Stephen who? didn’t he used to be an actor before he had a breakdown or something?

Joss Whedon rocks and I’m positive that his latest movie, The Cabin in the Woods, is due for release in January 2011.
Xena

Yeah, the Joss Whedon thing was cute.
ZackFord

I saw a link to this site at the end of a recent South park episode… are we sure it’s legit?
Nakor

I profess having a soft spot in my heart for the Wiccan religion. It’s a wholly irrational soft spot, with no real reason for being there, but I guess I just think it’s a neat system. I studied it for a while. Maybe it’s my love for fantasy speaking. Also, no Wiccan has ever tried to push their beliefs on me (and many of them have rules against indoctrinating children iirc, which is my biggest wish for the future) so that doesn’t hurt.
JD

I think the “Restore Stephen Baldwin” project is a big con job. It’s not that he isn’t getting jobs, he seems to be getting at least as much work as always, if not more. Go check out his IMDb page. Supposedly his conversion in 2002 made him unemployable, if you go by what the site says. IMDb says he’s acted in 29 titles after 2002 and he can’t “get it together”? Every producer and director job he’s had were 2002 and later. Then there’s the credits for all his reality TV show gigs, about 39 title entries of TV appearances as himself post-2002, several of those entries show a good dozen or so episodes. So much for supposedly being out of work because of him pushing his faith.

The Project’s page didn’t name any projects that turned him away because of his zealotry either. That’s good for them, because then producers of the respective projects might clear that up.
OneSTDV

it’s not his religion; it’s his sanctimonious attitude. Simply, Baldwin is insufferable.
Alise

It’s definitely real, even though it was in South Park. Here’s an interview with Stephen “the lesser” Baldwin.

http://www.popeater.com/2010/04/30/stephen-baldwin-restorestephenbaldwin-org/?ncid=webmaildl2
normds

This is embarrassing to me — not because I am a Christian but because I’m a human being. I didn’t even get what the heck they’re saying, let alone why someone would do this. Reminds me of the scenes in Seinfeld when George was being so insufferably stupid it was hard to watch.
Phoena

If Baldwin was a true Christian, he wouldn’t be whining or complaining about his bankruptcy.

Matthew 19:24 says, “And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.”

The only money a good christian would take would be to help the poor, not to line his own pockets. Even Jesus, the ultimate rock star of the faith, didn’t expect anyone to help make him rich and famous for the glory of god!

But then, anyone paying attention has seen that Baldwin is just a fake. Did you see him on the Celeb Apprentice last year when he kept falling out of the “good christian” role? He’s such a bad actor he can’t even keep up his religious act.
Bob

So, if Stephen Baldwin enjoys fame and success, it’s all glory and praise to Christ Jesus …

… but if his career goes nowhere, it’s all the fault of some anti-Christian persecution that somehow manages to stifle the will of God.

Right.
Paul

Unfortunately, neither the Restore Stephen Baldwin people, nor Mr. Reyes understand the Book Of Job. Job was afflicted because he was a sinner, and Baldwin is guilty of the same sin. Neither did Job “stoically endure” his trials and tribulations. He didn’t “moan and complain,” he protested his righteousness and the unjustness of his situation – over and over and over again. In the end, he learned humility and was forgiven, and restored. Perhaps Stephen could do some careful reading of the Book Of Job, and learn the same lesson. At least it would shut him up for a while (it’s a long book).
Victor

Come to think of it, I don’t ever get acting jobs, either. Probably because of my religious beliefs. People should send me money so I don’t have to work. Yeah, I like the sound of that.
plutosdad

Restore Joss Whedon is something I can get behind!
WTF Fox? Stop cutting up and ruining his series.
Chris Jones

Really?! Come on, quit joshin’. This can’t be serious. If it is real, and I’m not saying it is, how could Baldwin EVER show his face in public again? If it was me I’d be so embarassed I’d have to go into hiding, change my name and become a rodeo clown or something. This is just crazy funny if it’s a joke, and crazy pathetic if it isn’t. I agree though, Baldwin is a lousy actor and THAT is why he is bankrupt and not getting any jobs – not because he’s a silly bible thumper.
JB Tait

@Jojo: Yes.
Aguz

I insist, a Serenity prequel is a must-be.
Wait, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah! Point: Tom Cruise is crazier and his religion is even sillier but he still gets to be hired cause he’s talented, so no.
Vas

Ummm… But Joss Whedon does suck, I mean a lot, lowbrow sophomoric tripe, really bad shows, bad scripts, bad bad bad. Just because he is an atheist is no reason to get behind this hack, this pusher of rotting cultural swill. Did I mention he sucks? AS an Alien superfan he should hang his head in shame for being responsible for the worst Alien movie of the lot, (so bad, so very very bad that one). Joss is why everyone thinks Americans are stupid rubes, because they eat up his vile stupid mental Novocaine and act like its manna. Sure he is better than Baldwin but then again so is a chimp, so big whoop.
Edmond

Man, that Joss Whedon thing was great, but I flinched when it called for a Serenity sequel, I was like “NO! Wash DIED!” But then they went for the save and called for a prequel for exactly the same reason! Alan Tudyk IS awesome!

As a gay man, I can TOTALLY get behind restoring Joss Whedon and his hot chicks!
ImmortalityLTD

I say Kirk Cameron should cast him in his next direct-to-video Apocalypse yawnfest. Those two alone could rival “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus” for cheesy B-movie hilarity, no special effects necessary (but strongly encouraged).
inmyhead9

Firefly was fucking awesome! I loved every second of that video, but I hated the dollhouse. Blah.
JulietEcho

Aww, Vas, you didn’t even like Doctor Horrible?

And while I think that everybody gets to define what “good” entertainment means to them (I mean, that’s the point of art and television and movies and so-on), I *do* take exception to anyone implying that Firefly might be in the “rotting cultural swill” category.

Then again, I liked ST: Voyager and couldn’t get into TNG, so my sci-fi radar might have been dented during manufacturing.
muggle

I’ve never watched any of Joss Whedon’s stuff precisely because it seem sopohmoric to me. In other words, not my cup of tea. (Now if it was hot guys instead of chicks, oh, shit, guess Whedon’s straight, damn.) And it’s still a great parody. It’s the message, the jab at Baldwin’s on-line telethon.

Though if anyone, including Whedon, sets Kim Harrison’s Rachel Morgan/Hollows series to film, I am there, doing something I never do, standing in line for tickets if I have to. I just love those books. And Rachel is one hot, butt-kicking witch. And there are hunky guys around too!

Er, sorry.

As for Baldwin (please, no, not any of those ugly Baldwin boys for any of the male side kicks for the Hollows; if Baldwin or any of his brothers are in it, they’ve got to be her pathetic loser of an ex-boyfriend Nick), what a fucking con job! Anyone who doesn’t recognize that for the blatant hustle it is deserves to be parted from their hard-won cash. Just a damned pity it isn’t going to a better cause. And even the Salvation Army would be a better cause.
Martin McCool

Did I hear “God will get all of the glory… probably” around 1:45?
RA

I know these people. It is utter bullshit. Anyone stupid enough to give deserves to lose the money. Hopefully, this will wake some people up to the absurdity of their beliefs.

Christianity=The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree…
Brian Macker

His rich brothers can restore him.
Revyloution

No mention of Buffy? That was the original Ass Kicking Hotchick that started it all off!

Its just like the Christians. Once the New Testament rolls around, no one bothers to talk about the stuff from the original series.