Jesus Loves Me? March 27, 2010

Jesus Loves Me?

By Guest Contributor
March 27, 2010

Heather (a.k.a. CompletelyLovely) has a lovely song written to the tune of “Jesus Love Me.”

It’s probably NSFW if you have the speakers turned up.

In case you missed it, be sure to stick around for the last 15 seconds of the video. The unsung lyrics might be my favorite 🙂

(via The Atheist Jew)

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  • Yes, those final lyrics are spot on. The success of a new religion is dependent not so much on the evidence to support its claims, but more on the ability of the people who make it up to convince others that it’s true and then propagate that message exponentially. Well done, Heather.

  • NewEnglandBob

    The lyrics need a bit of work and the singing is not of the best, but the sentiment and the purpose of the song go a long way.

  • The original (religious) version of this tune is popular with the Christian crowd because it is simple with a repetitive refrain. In other words, its verses are easy to remember.
    I appreciate what the artist was trying to do with this piece, but “clever” does not translate into “entertaining”, and this was a horrible snooze-fest. I made it less than half-way through before turning it off. I played classical violin and piano as a kid and was in a few bands back in the day, and this was just painful to listen to.

  • Sheridan

    The last 15 seconds are right on! The biblical Paul was the first master salesman. The Roman Catholic Church literally killed its competition until Luther broke the stranglehold of the church. Nowadays religious missionaries are nothing more that PR people – trying to sell their snake oil “product.” I thank the secular gods that we now have the internet and science to counter these false “prophets.”

  • FRIENDLY CHRISTIAN

    I cant believe that video…first of all she can not sing at all. Secondly, that is very offensive and not true. If you guys do not believe in it, then why are you making fun and cutting people down that do? It is immature and just plain stupid, worry about yourself.

  • muggle

    Loved it. I thought it was great. But I love Dan Barker’s too. I find it so amusing when they take the church’s style (or lack thereof) and run with it with better lyrics. It’s too amusing not to love.

    Or maybe I loved it because I endured I don’t know how many sessions of some dork camp counselor or Sunday school teacher trying to be cool on the guitar by strumming “Jesus Loves Me”. I think she camps it up just right. Including the amount of effort a simple tune is taking. If she really was struggling, well, it came off as parodying all those Sunday school teachers who were anyway.

    Almost missed the end though because I thought she was done then it was wait a minute and hilarious. She played that just right. Me thinks she has endured a Sunday school teacher or two too who tried to draw us in by adding on verses with our names.

  • Robin

    I’m totally crushing on that girl!

  • Most amusing.

  • Alice

    I really like how much fun she seems to be having with it but it bugged the crap out of me that she’s got the tune all wrong! Much better lyrics.

  • sweetredtele

    I’m in love.

  • FRIENDLY CHRISTIAN, hello.

    [T]hat is very offensive and not true. If you guys do not believe in it, then why are you making fun and cutting people down that do? It is immature and just plain stupid, worry about yourself.

    I can understand how a Christian might find it offensive. Christianity has had a privileged position for a considerable amount of time so you probably aren’t used to criticism of it. That’s a shame but it is your problem really. You need to develop a thicker skin especially if you’re going to listen to anti Christian songs on the Internet. 😉

    As for it not being true…well, what specifically isn’t true there? I see one particular interpretation of scripture in song form seen through the lens of unbelief. Sure it is immature and pokes fun at believers but so what? It is light hearted and not particularly offensive compared with quite a few things that could have been said.

    Lastly what do you mean by “worry about yourself”? You didn’t just throw Pascal’s Wager at the Internet did you?

  • maddogdelta

    @Friendly Christian
    So, when you and your colleagues get on TV, radio, street corners telling me that I’m going to burn in hell for all eternity because I see no evidence, that’s just okeydokey.
    But when we point out that there is no evidence, and that any possible test that can be used to test the existence of any god comes up negative, that is offensive? Pointing out that you believe in something with no rational basis is offensive?
    Or is it that the existence of atheists is offensive to you. That has been the traditional position. And until fairly recently, you had the law and government on your side, and could properly burn people like us at the stake.

    Sorry, your “good old days” are gone. Deal with it.

  • George

    Science and evolution don’t exactly lead to atheism. That’s just what creationists want Christians to think. Before the Discovery Institute there were plenty of Christians who accepted evolution.

  • Friendly Christian, if you don’t believe the words that Heather said, then you are going to burn in Hell for all eternity.

    No, wait, that is what Christians say about what John said in the gospel. My bad.

  • Jenea

    Love the effort, but I can barely listen because she got the tune wrong! Argh.

  • Heather / CompletelyLovely

    Hey! Thanks for posting my little song! I’m no musician, so I concur with all criticisms of my inability to hit notes, but I figured it added to the parody of all the crummy singers I had to listen to in Sunday School and such.

    Thanks for all your kind words – I’m glad I provided some amusement! 😀

  • Edmond

    @Friendly Christian:

    “If you guys do not believe in it, then why are you making fun and cutting people down that do? It is immature and just plain stupid, worry about yourself.”

    If you guys do not believe in same-sex marriage, why are you making bans and cutting down people that do? It is immature and just plain stupid, worry about your own love life.

    See, Christians can be guilty too.

  • muggle

    Heather/Completely Lovely:

    “I’m no musician, so I concur with all criticisms of my inability to hit notes, but I figured it added to the parody of all the crummy singers I had to listen to in Sunday School and such.”

    I knew it! A fellow sufferer. It did indeed. You brought back bad memories.

  • Angie

    I thought the song was cute, and I can certainly get behind the message.

  • sayit

    I certainly do not want to be one of you guys on my death bed. Jesus Christ is the only way. Such a shame, you guys have such a big ego or think you are all powerful. Well I can tell you there is a creator that is so much more powerful than your small minds can ever know. Gezzz

  • D-Walk!

    Alright, let’s go through this sad excuse for a song line by line.
    “There is no God and this I know.”
    There is your first mistake. You make a claim without backing it up with hard evidence.
    “For the Bible tells me so.”
    Have you ever read the Bible? I highly doubt it because it tells you the exact opposite.
    “Genocide and violent myths, written by barbaric pricks.”
    Again if you’ve read the Bible you would know the “barbaric pricks” were the ones who didn’t believe. Christians were the ones being prosecuted, not the other way around.
    “It’s intolerant cruel and rather odd.”
    I’m guessing this line was just so she could keep the song moving.
    “That **** was not written by God.”
    No, it wasn’t written by God. It is the word of God that was written by men as instructed by God.
    “No you and God don’t talk.”
    I understand that you have an opinion, but to tell people what goes on in THEIR lives is just not smart. Give me solid evidence that I don’t talk to God.
    “The evidence it tells me so.”
    What evidence? Science? You mean the very thing that constantly proves you wrong yet you continue to rely heavily on it? I have scientific proof that disproves your entire feeble argument. (http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/science.shtml)
    “Creation is a pathetic lie, there is no heaven in the sky.”
    Refer to the link above.
    “Science is exciting, religion is dull.”
    You were forced to go to church, weren’t you? Believe it or not I used to be atheist, but was forced to go to church. It made me so angry, and I defied the teachings with all my heart. I even once brought a Slipknot CD with me and played it in their stereo system. My best friend showed me the error in my ways and here I am, spreading the truth of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Now, back to the song.
    “Their lies make you stupid, while the truth is beautiful.”
    Interesting choice of words here. In John chapter 14 verse 6 it says ” I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” As you said the truth is beautiful and Jesus is the truth.
    “Common sense has told me so.”
    God can’t be put away with simple common sense. If he could, he wouldn’t be much of a God. I think you have incredibly oversimplified God. If you’re going to trash something, at least be knowledgeable about the subject.
    “An eternity of torture if you don’t obey.”
    This can easily be avoided if you would swallow your pride and accept God as your Lord and Savior. If you honestly think he wants you to burn in Hell forever, you know a lot less about God and the Bible than I previously thought.
    “Keeps everyone in line with fear and hate.”
    What keeps me in line is my love for God. He has delivered me from an eternity in Hell. If he didn’t care would he really be willing to die on the cross for me? I don’t think so. And I’m not doing this to knock your beliefs even though I disagree with them. I’m doing this because I will be accountable for you on Judgement Day. I will be accountable for everyone who is going to Hell because I didn’t tell them about what Jesus Christ did for them on the cross.
    “Making a virtue of ignorance and faith just makes no sense.”
    I think this is a line you put in just to spite Christians.
    “The world is more wonderful if you accept the truth anyway.”
    That’s right, the world would be more wonderful if we accepted Jesus.
    “Religion is some harmful ****, we really should get over it.”
    The harmful religion here is atheism. &You are discouraging people from accepting Jesus as their Lord and Savior. When you face the Great White Throne Judgement they’ll be right there with you, telling you that this is all your fault. And it will be, unless you turn from your sin and ask Jesus to save you from an eternity in Hell. I pray that I made even one difference with this message.
    If you would like to talk more, you can reach me at sonofhokuto13@yahoo.com

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