AtheistLover

Hmm.. What would I do with a Jesus? Assuming his supernatural, comic-book-esque powers were real, I think I would become an alcoholic, what with all the free wine. After drinking his blood, I think I would just make him carry me everywhere.. After all, it’d still be just one set of footprints (zing).
NewEnglandBob

Why not rent Jesus? There are several accommodationists selling themselves and several journalists whoring themselves for the Templeton Foundation.
DownHouse

I’m going to start a winery! All I need is a bunch of barrels and a hose.
DemetriusOfPharos

@DownHouse
I’d start a bakery myself, unless of course Jesus was actually Asian, in which case: bring on the SAKE!
Mark Pogue

I like that! I wonder which Christian denomination will lease him? Are the Catholics running short on money?
fritzy

Since Jesus could turn water into wine and also walk on water, I’ve often hypothsized that he could therefore walk on wine, but have never had the chance, until now, to test this. If I can rent by the hour, I’m set!

Keep an eye out for my article to appear soon in The American Journal of Showey but Useless Miracles of the Messiah.
hoverfrog

Jesus also caught a lot of fish (presumably by turning their natural habitat into wine and suffocating them) and he raised the dead an awful lot. There must be some cool way of combining these two super powers and turning them into a profit. Maybe an all-you-can-eat “healing touch” zombie reanimation shop?

I dunno, sounds a bit stupid.
Ben

Can he cook? Does he do windows? Does he have a green card?
Jerad

My own, personal, Jesus? Someone to hear my prayers? Someone who’s there?
Angie

We have a Depeche Mode fan! 🙂

I’d probably start a fish & chips stand with Jesus. After all, this is the man who fed thousands with five loaves and two fish, right?
Alan E.

@Angie, Depeche Mode did a cover of that song. It was a Johnny Cash song first.
BathTub

That’s meant to be NZ? Interesting, then I am thinking it’s a fake because we don’t format our cell phone numbers that way.
nick

Sorry Alan E. but I’m afraid you have that backwards. It’s a Depeche Mode song that J. Cash covered.
Alan E.

Oh no then I have lost a little something inside! I thought, since forever, that it was Cash first. I like the DM version better, but I really like Cash’s voice singing it. Maybe I would feel better if I thought it was a god who wrote it and inspired the both of them to play it well. Actually a better idea would be to find a version with JC’s voice played over DM’s music. I don’t have the skill or time to do it myself.
muggle

too funny. Yay, is all that registering nonsense over with?
Jerad

Well now I’m gonna have to hunt down the Cash version, I’ve never heard it!

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