Pat Robertson’s Other Explanations January 20, 2010

Pat Robertson’s Other Explanations

By Guest Contributor
January 20, 2010

Crazy Christian icon Pat Robertson said that Haiti experienced a horrific earthquake because Haitian slaves once “swore a pact with the devil.”

The Onion informs us of his explanations for other terrible tragedies:

It’s funny… until you realize that he’s on the air because millions of people take him completely seriously.

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  • Danny

    Eruption of Mount St. Helens, 1980: Divine wrath was incurred when people were too busy enjoying the natural beauty of Washington state and not spending enough time appreciating God

    What are we supposed to be admiring then? Words on a page?

  • Twin-Skies

    What scares me is that Pat Robertson’s prior claims are so absurd, The Onion may very well be copying these words straight from Pat’s diary.

  • *Millions* of people? Say it ain’t so!
    [sigh] ..you’re probably right 🙁

  • Sarah

    Actually, he’s not airing because he’s popular, he’s airing because ABC Family is contractually required to keep him on the air.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ABC_Family#Change

    At least that’s the story as I’ve heard it from various sources. I’m not a lawyer, nor have I actually seen the contract, but I suspect that if the network that runs whose line reruns and edgy teen soaps on either side of his timeslot could boot him off legally, they would have. then again, I’m sure they get a ratings pop every time he shoots his mouth off, though I’m not sure if there are commercials during the 700 Club, and if so, if the revenue would go to ABC or Robertson.

  • Sarah

    Another link that explains the situation, from back when he was suggesting we assassinate Hugo Chavez…

    http://www.mediapost.com/publications/index.cfm?fa=Articles.showArticle&art_aid=33502

  • Luther

    Rush Limbaugh arrested for drug addiction — Rush thought that God said something to him that varied from what Pat Roberson heard (Otherwise Rush would have been able to continue abusing drugs undetected).

    John McCain loses Presidential election — John chooses woman as running mate (Otherwise God would have McCain be as successful in his run as Pat Robertson was).

    Teabagger wins Massachusetts Senate Seat — Boston tea party included patriots dressed as nature worshiping “Indians”. (Otherwise we would have ten-commandments incorporated in constitution and leaders identified by stone tablets given to Pat Robertson)