Jesus Bruise? January 4, 2010

Jesus Bruise?

By Guest Contributor
January 4, 2010

No.

That is not Jesus in your bruise.

Believe it or not, bruisee Mary Massa is a Christian. Shocking, I know.

*sigh*

(Thanks to Katelyn for the link!)

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  • Valdyr

    Looks more like Andre the Giant to me. The ABC News watermark makes me sad. I thought crap like this was more Fox’s territory.

  • Andre? I was thinking Tommy Chong.

  • Richard Wade

    Shakespeare.

  • Richard Wade

    Good thing she didn’t get a shot in the ass.

  • MaleficVTwin

    You’re all way off. That’s Barry Gibb.

  • The more I look at it, the more it looks like bruise-man is sticking his tongue out at the world. Which, really, seems kind of appropriate: “Ha-ha, I’m a BRUISE, and y’all are wasting time obsessing over me. Idiots.”

    (And yes, I did in fact come here to look at it again even though I’m the one that sent it to you. Sometimes I can’t stop myself from being fascinated by dumbness.)

  • Ben

    Wow, Jesus is appearing everywhere these days.

    Except, you know, in person.

  • ironflange

    Salvador Dali

  • DemetriusOfPharos

    Charles Manson? Rob Zombie? Jonathon Davis or Zack De La Rocha with a beard? “I’m Afraid Of Americans”-era Trent Reznor? (Yes, I’m aware that’s a David Bowie song, but Reznor produced it and was “Johnny” in the video)

    EDIT:
    I just realized that I like a lot of musicians who have a tendency to look like what Christians tell us Jesus looks like. Latent religiousity on my part maybe?

  • Carlos

    That’s not jesus… it’s Ted Nugent.

  • Just looks like a bruise to me.

  • runawayuniverse

    Che Guevara?

  • CatBallou

    Don Quixote. He’s fictional too.

  • Alien

    It is a dark background because it is nighttime. On the right, Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King, is facing left with a hand in front of his face.

    Clearly, this is the Nightmare After Christmas.

  • vivian

    More like Osama Bin Laden.

  • It’s Frank Zappa!!

  • The stupid, does it burn much do you think?

    I’m tired of seeing jesus, the guy is appearing literally everywhere.

    GOATS ON FIRE!

  • Twin-Skies

    Dick Dastardly

  • AxeGrrl

    With those sad-dog eyes, it looks like Nicholas Cage playing Jesus!

  • stephanie

    So is she pressing charges against him for battery?

  • GribbleTheMunchkin

    You are all wrong, its clearly Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride.

  • Tony

    It looks like Junior Gorg from Fraggle Rock.

    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3472/3221615649_4ace80196b.jpg

  • Martin

    Are you kidding? It sooo clearly is Albert Einstein!

    pic

  • Alpha Bitch

    All of these Jesus visions are harder to see than those damn Magic Eye pictures.

  • Ron in Houston

    Hemant clearly has a lock on the atheist comedian community. Thanks guys for some morning entertainment.

  • littlejohn

    It’s George Harrison. She shouldn’t worry: All things must pass. Hare Krishna and all that.

  • Ben Says:
    January 5th, 2010 at 12:16 am

    Wow, Jesus is appearing everywhere these days.

    Except, you know, in person.

    This made me laugh so hard I had to come and make my first comment.

    However, I must add that this is clearly Ponce de Leon.

  • Darwin’s Dagger

    Look at the size of that nose. It’s clearly (okay in no way is it clearly anything) Cyrano de Bergerac.

  • Brian Macker

    Charles Manson

  • Bob

    Turn it upside down and it’s clearly Mark Twain.

  • I miss the days when Jesus appeared in things like grilled cheese sandwiches… certainly more tasteful, or at least, tastier.

  • Lyz

    Does anyone else wonder if this is going to cause people to inflict bruises upon themselves in order to see Jesus?

    Also, wow, is that a big bruise. Anyone know how she acquired it? T’would be the ultimate sadness if it were, in fact, a domestic abuse bruise – now “endorsed” by “Jesus.”

  • The naked guy from Life of Brian “Those are MY junipher bushes!”

  • I wonder who it will look like during the stages of healing. That’s the chronology I want to see.

  • nomad

    I also thought
    Don Quixote. But I could go with Cyrano. Jesus? Not so much.

    You know, if you look at it a certain way, that nose is HUGE.

  • Price

    I am thinking it looks kinda like Arlo Guthrie. “ROCK ON, woman of mystical bruises!” I like how the News Anchor said he “didn’t mean to make fun”. Yes you did, YES YOU DID. How can you not? Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t a grilled cheese sandwich, but it is silly.

  • Randy

    Kind of looks like Dan Haggerty, t.v.’s Grizzly Adams. The last time i saw him make an appearance before this bruise was about 4 years ago when he visited the Moonlite Bunny Ranch on an episode of “Cathouse”.

  • Blood born images of Jesus….talk about a slippery slope.
    Next image – Jesus in my Maxi Pad.

    *cue loud round of “EWWWWWWW!!”s

  • (you guys really don’t want to know where my mind went from the Maxi Pad starting point)

  • Joffan

    I second ironflange‘s assessment – it’s Salvador Dali. Possibly Peter Sellers playing Inspector Clousteau playing Salvador Dali.

    Rotated to the left I can get a turtle skull on fire. No goats though.

    (Lagunatic – seeing things in blood and guts is not exactly a new phenomenon… think haruspicy)

  • Yum, haruspicy.

    Well, I guess I know what I’m cooking for dinner! Bangers and mash it is.

  • I also see Sgt Floyd Pepper from the Electric Mayhem (The Muppet Show Band).

  • marco

    I guess that’s what you get from “blind faith”: You run into things. And if you run into a something Jesus-face-shaped, the bruise will look like Jesus’ face … at least to you and your bad eye-sight 😛

  • Ellie

    Umm… looks like Rasputin to me. A friend of mine says it’s the Scream murderer. I still say Rasputin ;P

  • Berior

    I think it look like a nasty bruise vaguely in the shape of any bearded guy possible. It really depends on what you want to see.

    So I’m going with Rob Zombie 😛

  • muggle

    Why is Jesus beating up on her? What horrible sin did she commit? Blasphemy? Since we know that’s worse than rape, murder, etc.

  • James

    I want to know who has punched her with a big Jesus ring on their finger. Bling it up for Jesus.

    Still, that doesn’t even look that much like a face. As their faith becomes less tenable, they certainly get more desperate for signage.

    Certainly doesn’t look anything like the Jesus I know. ;o)

    To be fair to ABC, the anchors did take the piss quite a bit. Because, yeah, it was the doctors that told her to go to the press. She didn’t want to… much. :oD

  • Anne O’Nymous

    My vote is for Rasputin.

  • Angie

    I see a purple Muppet.