When Will Tiger Woods Find God? December 13, 2009

When Will Tiger Woods Find God?

By Guest Contributor
December 13, 2009

The forumites at Why Won’t God Heal Amputees pose this question:

How long before Tiger Woods finds God?

We should start a pool. How soon will it be before that happens?

(And if he does find God, will people begin to forgive his indiscretions…?)

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  • Tiger is a buddhist, so the better question may be when is he going to find the “right” religion ;P

  • Pony

    It will be revealed that he also had an affair… with Jesus.

  • There is an escort named God? He’s gonna need to buy her more than diamonds.

  • Are we talking about Tiger Woods, or Tigers Wood?

  • Dale

    I guess we can say that his Wood has found many goddesses.

  • Valdyr

    Yes, it will be interesting to see if the “I’m real sorry and I’ll do what God says from now on, pinkie swear, so I don’t have to resign, right?” trend continues any further.

  • If he’s a Buddhist, I think he’ll say that he’ll start focusing more on enlightenment, and less on worldly needs (other women.)

  • Jasen777

    Woods is actually a very private person for someone so famous. The degree to which he managed to keep his life private until the accident is rather amazing. I do not think he will publicly play the God card.

  • Revyloution

    I heard he was going to change his name from Tiger to Cheetah.

  • Jen

    I think the real question is how long after his miracle conversion will it be before he has another affair? Some people (Bill Clinton, I am looking at you) cannot seem to keep it in their pants despite all they have to lose. Since Tiger has apparently slept with eleven women after getting married and counting at this point, I would say he is one of those people.

  • Trace

    Nah, he is not a politician, he doesn’t need to.

  • bigjohn756

    What’s the effing difference what Tiger does? He’s just a golfer! He can simply tell everyone to go to hell and the consequences are that we all miss out on watching some excellent golf. I’ll bet he has enough money to scrape by for the rest of his life even after he pays off all of the greedy broads. (I’m sure that the girls that truly love him won’t sue.)

    There has been less controversy about denying gays their rights than the Tiger story has generated. There has been less controversy about almost any of the politicians’ recent wrongdoing than Tiger’s story has generated. There is a serious shortcoming in our priorities nowadays, don’t you think?

  • Luther

    Tiger Woods, or Tigers Wood?

    For sure its Tiger Would. And did.

  • Richard Wade

    If I remember correctly, it took Paris Hilton 1/500 of the time in jail to find God as she spent putting off showing up for jail in the first place, and after she got out, she returned to her party animal lifestyle in 1/500,000,000 of the time she spent in jail, presumably with God.

    I think the timing of these celebrity epiphanies are determined by their publicists rather than by their spiritual development. So I’d say that if Tiger is going to mention some kind of spiritual/religious reconciliation, it will be two weeks before whatever is the next really important golf event.

  • Carol

    Is any one else *really sick* of hearing about Tiger Woods???? I just don’t get all the hype. Boooring!!

  • From the look of some of his texts, I’m betting he found God a lot. So, did the skanks, I’m guessing.

    I’d also be willing to wager they were pretty verbal with Him about their imminent arrival to the pearly necklaces gates.

  • When Will Tiger Woods Find God?

    If women were gods, Tiger would definitely be a Roman Pagan.

  • Hey, at least we are not talking about Michael Jackson. I always think of the song “Dirty Laundry” at times like this.

  • Other than his written statement on his website, he hasn’t said anything at all. I don’t think he will play the God card.

    It really is annoying how people whip out that card when they get busted doing something illegal and/or immoral, as if people are supposed to go easy on them because of it.

  • Skunque

    Echh, these Tiger jokes are t-e-d-i-o-u-s. Not to mention in most cases recycled. The celeb gossip dreck I can handle (barely), just spare me from the puns!

  • Sven

    Leave Tiger alone! Leave him alooooone!!

  • Reginald Selkirk

    What’s the effing difference what Tiger does? He’s just a golfer! He can simply tell everyone to go to hell and the consequences are that we all miss out on watching some excellent golf.

    I’d bet that the money he won at golf tournaments is a teeny tiny fraction of the income he made from endorsement deals.

  • Jaysen

    I bet he finds Scientology. Not sure why but it seems that big time celebrities like Tom Cruise and John Travolta go to scientology when their fan base starts turning on them.

    I’ll put $50 on [Tiger Woods >> 6 months >> Scientology]

  • ATL-Apostate

    The Masters is in April. Look for a March epiphany.

  • MLB

    Wow, here we go again. Jabbing fun at God.

    All humans sin. Tiger is no exception. He needs to deal directly with this , with his wife, and he should ask for forgiveness from his wife, and God. And the big deal with that is what?