Did Your Atheism and Your Family’s Religion Clash Over the Weekend?

Every president in recent memory has been called the anti-Christ.

Personally, I think it will be the next president. 😉

There was a little bit, but it was more divisions in Christianity instead of religion and non-religion.

My sister is a Baptist who works at a Catholic school, and my great aunt is a non-denominational Christian.

My aunt made a few small jokes about Catholics and Baptists (could have been a passive aggressive joke, though, since she really doesn’t like them), but other than that- it was fine.

As an atheist, I mainly just kept quiet.

Well being from a muslim family my clash didn’t happen until Friday when family and friends came to our house for the muslim holiday, of course they all had to ask me why I don’t come to mosque and how the islam is going to save me, my aunt even assumed I converted to Christianity and how that’s wrong and Allah is going to punish me for it. As always my mom told me not to tell them I was an atheist, which I so wanted to tell them so they can shut the hell up about preaching something I don’t give a damn about, but I respect my mom too much and I’m still young so I just stayed in my room whilst they celebrated and came down only when I needed to say Hello to guest coming in.

No clash. I sat quietly with my eyes open during the pre-meal prayer and that was the end of anything religious.

My mother also believes that:
a)Obama is a Muslim out to destroy or convert America

b)he is possibly the anti-christ.

c)The rapture is any day now – as is evident by the decline in morality and Christianity

In the course of conversation, I told my 83-year-old, Missouri-born grandmother that I didn’t believe in any kind of god. She pointed out that the Bible is the word of God, and I said I didn’t think it was. She pointed out that the Bible also talks about Jesus, and I said that I not only didn’t believe in Jesus either, but that the Bible is a useless source of information from a rational point of view. She, now quite frustrated, accused me of being cynical and argumentative, I said that I was indeed, and proudly so, and asked if she thought God had made me an atheist to test her faith. Awkward pauses constituted most of the next 36 hours until I flew out.

oh yeah. my mother is a fundamentalist minister. and knows i’m an atheist. we clash often on these topics, but seem to be finding a way to mutually coexist.

she made us all gather in the living room before dinner for the prayer. My wife, daughter and I just sat in our places and let her finish. Though, I wasn’t please that she specifically made sure to say that WE are thanking GOD at this time of year.

after dinner, the conversation turned to religion and I had to physically get up and walk out of the room on several occasions to avoid making a comment that I knew for sure would cause a fight. at this point, I find it better to just take the high road, because listen to reason is out of the question for most of my family.

on the drive home, my wife and I talked about the insane delusions they all have and I felt emotionally drained, but was proud of myself for just ‘letting it slide’ and not causing a scene for thanksgiving.

As soon as the last dish was set on the table, my mother, who has never before required prayer at the table, said, “Let’s pray” and grabbed my hand, insisting quickly that “everyone else come in and hold hands, bow your heads” and then prayed aloud. This “everyone” included my atheist husband and our 5-year-old. It was EXTREMELY uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say. Later had to endure her explaining to the 4 children present (incuding mine) that her cat had died and had “gone to heaven”. Apparently, after 20 years of atheism, my mother still hasn’t caught on (you would think, “no, we don’t want a Lutheran school because we don’t want him brainwashed with their dogma” would have been a good hint). I would love to just “come out” but it’s complicated. Not looking forward to Christmas at all.

My dad was leading a conversation that centered on stockpiling weapons to prepare for an upcoming American Civil War that would be necessary to remove Obama from office, (my family is batshit crazy). I bit my tongue and didn’t say a word because my grandparents are very devout and are the only family members who don’t know I’m an atheist. My grandfather handed me tracts and told me I needed to distribute them because “the only way out of the mess we’re (America) in is for the country to turn back to Jesus”. *Groan*

I had a creationism debate with my Brother. I learned the following:

* They have found human fossils that were HUGE such as femurs 4 feet long from a time when humans lived 900 years old
* The Earth used to be surrounded with a giant sphere of ice, which provided the water for the great flood
* Carbon dating is inaccurate because it doesn’t work on live penguins
* Dinosaurs and other animals are found in the layers they are always found in because of their density
* After the flood Noah’s family spread all the species of the world to their perspective locations
* The Earth is slowing down and the Moon is moving away from it which somehow are used to conclude that the Earth can’t be as old as it is

It was an interesting discussion…

Phaz:

I’m so sorry. Your brother seems to have fallen for the silliest possible version of creationism. How old is he? Is there any chance of getting him introduced to enough basic science that he can at least learn to see the impossibility of the more egregious details? TalkOrigins.org probably would be a great place to get some source information for him.

~David D.G.

Same here — a quick, not-too-Jesus-y prayer before the meal, followed by a tasty Thanksgiving dinner and an altogether entertaining conversation.

Was the prayer uncomfortable? Sure, but definitely not worth upsetting everyone over. I pretty much do what many have stated here: I keep my head up, smile patiently, and make sure to demonstrate by my actions that my lack of participation doesn’t de facto make me a bad person.

When I was 18, I thought being intransigeant was a virtue. Now I know better.

On another note, it’s funny how a lot of people here report similar stories about family members’ outsized fears about Obama, his administration, and the country’s direction in general. My mother-in-law, who is a brilliant lady and whom I respect tremendously, surprised me by making ridiculous statements about how the country will be “bankrupt in 5 years” and how health care will be so much worse.

Like others here, I bit my tongue. Just not worth it. But it really is uncanny just how polarizing Obama is …

I didn’t have much of an issue. My girlfriend’s family is catholic so when I don’t participate in any of their rituals they just assume that I’m some kind of protestant. They did ask me to say grace, however. I covered by thanking no one in particular for family, pie, puppies and Nintendo.

Nope!
My husband and I don’t celebrate any holidays. (with the exception of our birthdays) But this year we decided to cook a turkey. Because who doesn’t want to feast on turkey?! It was just the two of us, very quiet, very relaxed. He doesn’t have any family, and mine is very secular, so even during ‘The Holidays’ we don’t have debates. I feel sympathy for those who have to tiptoe around their religious family members. I can’t imagine the stress that would cause.

It was funny. My wife made a comment to me that she had talked with my sister and how my niece would be devastated if she found out I was an atheist. None of my family members have confronted me directly but it has become a sort of unspoken rule not to ruffle the religious feathers at family gatherings. What’s even more funny is’s that I have not formerly announced my non-belief to anyone only that I’m tired of all the fairy-tales and won’t be returning to any church. I think what has gotten me in the most trouble was leaving the Friendly Atheist window up when I walk away from the computer. In the past I was always the go to guy for the thanksgiving prayer, this year I only had two words -“LETS EAT!”

I had to bite my tongue not to laugh in her face.

I would have laughed in her face, and I wouldn’t have felt bad about it either. Seriously.

My wife’s brother’s wife told us she believed in ghosts and proceeded to tell us the story of how she heard noises in the hall as a little girl… I asked her in front of everybody if she heard the noises before or after she woke up and if she also had been abducted by UFO’s. Sometimes a little ridicule is the best medicine among family members. I think everybody else was thinking the same thing I was about her story.

Besides that, the only remotely religious or supernatural ritual over thanksgiving was the meal grace that my wife’s parents insist on saying. At least it is a boilerplate non-denominational blessing.

My mother-in-law was talking about Islam being a cult and how she was thankful the US didn’t have any Islamic cults. I chimed in that every religion has sects that would fall into her category of a cult. She started to protest and I asked her by what characteristics she defined a cult. After she had listed off a handful of descriptions, I said “every one of the those describes Jehovah’s Witnesses.” Since her sister had escaped from that very cult, she knew full well what I was saying. After a few minutes of silence, I reiterated “every religion has their branch of extra crazy.” No one argued, and the conversation changed topics.

I also found out from overhearing conversations that my brother-in-law has ‘hidden’ me on Facebook so that he doesn’t have to see the science and atheist stuff I post.

This is actually about lasy xmas, hope nobody minds…
I’m only 17, and the holiday season always has it’s bad moments because my father and I don’t live together or get along (long story). I am never invited to my father’s house for thanksgiving, and I usually have to invite myself to a xmas celebration which is never pleasant. My dad is a hypocritical ass who doesn’t consider my feelings ever. He never shows his religious side, in fact he worked for the guy who made those green and white “JESUS” stickers and made fun of his religious beliefs quite often. Also, he used to tell me how he didn’t know about prayers or any other religious stuff that his boss did at work. Last xmas, I was casually talking with my cousin, not him, about how I’m not religious. He immediately storms over and says “I will not tolerate godlessness.” I didn’t say that I was godless, even though I am and I’m not offended to be known as that, it hurt my feelings and severely angered me. He has never gone to any church, he never prays, he has no religious paraphenalia, he never talks about god or religion, and he has never associated himself with any religion. Yet, he feels the need to smear my good name because I have no religion. Parents are supposed to be the ultimate support system, but he’s lost any ounce of respect I ever had for him. People wonder why I don’t associate with him.

It was the first time in my life I did not bow my head in reflex when my dad started to say grace at the Thanksgiving table. I was proud, and no one made a scene. 🙂

Wow, reading all these stories is truly amazing for a Euro-atheist like me. My entire Belgian family is either atheist/agnostic/not giving a damn, so I never got to experience situations like these. I tend to think “I’d just tell it like it is” but dealing with family and their sensitivities is not so simple… Somehow I recall the ending of Lars Von Trier’s The Idiots where the characters had to act out their inner self in front of their own relatives and most of them chickened out.

There was a holding of hands and a bowing of heads and a little bit of “in Jesus’ name” at the end. But we took it in stride. It was my parents’ house, after all.

In my house, on Thanksgiving, we don’t have prayer, and they don’t push it. It’s a good compromise.

However, I bet the heck they’d object if I asked them to clasp hands and bow heads while we talked about atheism!

But, they don’t make a stink, and i’m glad for that. It means I don’t have to retaliate.

I only recently became atheist, and I haven’t tried to hide it from the fam. I think it’s made a difference! For the first time in my family’s history, the Thanksgiving prayer included no mention of any deity. It was just a list of things we should be thankful for. Now that’s progress. I’ve been veg for 13 years and they STILL try to put turkey on my plate.

I had my fun holiday moment last year at Thanksgiving in a debate over California Prop 8. My overly religious sister was so relieved that she wouldn’t have to teach her kids about the Evil Gay People. That really pissed me off because I’m bi, but not out to my family, so I was forced to bite my tongue to spare a huge family rift. They live about an hour west of Des Moines Iowa. I laughed for an hour when the Iowa Supreme Court legalized same sex marriage in Iowa. I so wanted to ask her this year if she’s taught her kids about gay sex yet but managed to restrain myself.

Well, I actually had my BestThanksgivingEver because I went with my partner to Boston and Provincetown for four days of wine-drinking and face-stuffing with his extended ‘gay family’ and did not go visit my evangelical parents. However, the last time I was home for Thanksgiving, talk turned briefly to the Iraq war. My father, after listening quietly for a minute or two, announced “well, we’re over there fighting SATAN,” then got up and left the room. Aaaawkward!

We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK, but this last weekend I was back at home for a funeral. I study in Spain so it had been a while. The issue came up (I say it came up, I have to bring things like that up otherwise they talk about reality TV) about the Swiss banning the minarets and my brother said “oh, brilliant.”

I asked how he could possibly think this is a good thing and he came out with such gems as:
“Well I don’t feel comfortable with mosques, they’re in there plotting how to blow us up!”
“Maybe not all muslims are terrorists [‘maybe’?!], but all terrorists are muslims!”
“If they don’t like our culture then they can f*** off back to where they came from!”