Spray-On Jesus November 30, 2009

Spray-On Jesus

By Guest Contributor
November 30, 2009

I finally understand how Jesus appears on things like toast and an iron:

Here what we know:
-Jesus is in a can
-Jesus is bleeding
-There’s now 20% more Jesus.

I wonder: Is Jesus bad for the environment, too?

(Thanks to Becky for the link!)

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  • Alec

    There better not be any chlorofluorocarbons in Jesus-spray!

  • Does it make you bleed too? I’d have an issue with that.

  • Jon

    I wonder if what it attracts is a squad of Roman centurions that deliver a serious flogging.

  • JSug

    Google translates the product name as “Attraction Power Spray”

    Weird. I’m not very attracted by the can art. In fact, I find it pretty repulsive.

    Above that, it says:
    “oil contains legitimate
    Three Kings Incense and Myrrh”

    Awesome. Shouldn’t there be a picture of baby Jesus?

  • …………

    This is The Secret in a can. I’m sure of it.

  • jtradke

    Some translation with Google’s help:

    Contains Legitimate Oil
    “Three Kings Incense and Myrrh”
    Power Attraction Spray

    Or something like that.

  • Claudia

    It’s Santeria. A mixture of Christian and animist beliefs widely practiced in some areas of South America. I’ve been in Santeria shops, they’re a laugh riot.

    It’s an “attraction power” spray, which I’m going to guess means that it’s made to magically attract someone towards you. An oily love potion.

    I love that it says “legitimate oil” above that. Oh yes, it was the OILS legitimacy that I was doubting lol.

  • Jerad

    20% more or 20% free? It kinda sucks if I have to pay for 80% of jesus.

    Think I could get the whole thing for free by saying he paid for me?

  • Valdyr

    Anybody spraying an aerosol can in my direction is going to get quite the opposite of the stated effect. Maybe they should call it Repulsion Power Spray.

  • I am officially ROTFL.

    20% free, legitimate oil of incense and Myrrh of the Three Kings.

    Power of Attraction spray.

    All I can think of is The Life of Brian “…don’t worry too much about the myrrh next time.”

  • HP

    What Claudia says. This is syncretic Native American/African/Catholic magic. For most recent immigrants from Latin America, it’s more of a cultural thing than an article of deep faith. Heck, you can buy the devotional candles most anywhere in North America (they have a nice display at my Kroger’s in suburban Cincinnati); this is just the same thing in aerosol form. It’s an air freshener with a bit of cultural identity thrown in.

    There’s plenty in Santeria, Hoodoo, Condomble, Obeah, etc., etc., etc. for a skeptic to ridicule, but calling it “Jesus in a Can” and connecting it to paraeidolia is barking up the wrong tree. That may look like Jesus, but it’s more likely to be an Aztec deity or African loa represented symbolically as Jesus.

    Joke fail.

  • HP

    While I’m on a rant — it’s pretty disappointing that the readers of this blog, and HuffPo, and disinfo.com, a) need to rely on Google to translate “aerosol de poder attracciòn” (I mean, c’mon, this is about as simple as linguistic homologies get) and b) don’t recognize Latin American syncretic religious items.

    Being an atheist is no excuse for cultural ignorance.

  • Because that’s what I need right now – Jesus Jizz in a can.

  • Jerad

    So is that what the holy spirit is? CFC Jesus?

  • ckitching

    HP, I think some people may be using Google translate because they’re hoping there is more to it than appears. My first thought was, “No, this can’t really be a love potion” and I scrolled down to the comments to find a translation only to have my first suspicion verified.

  • Twin-Skies

    Let me get this straight…

    A love potion that’s being associating with a 33-year-old dude who has never been laid in his life.

  • Twin-Skies

    *Associated. Meh. Grammar errors.

  • Sue

    HP: I can generally take a stab at romance languages due to some knowledge of Latin roots, but I wouldn’t get ‘power’ from ‘poder’. The first thing I thought of was feet.

    I know nothing about Latin American syncretic religious items, but then I’m British and have never seen one before.

  • jtradke

    HP: How can you even see the rest of us from way up there on your high horse?

  • Becky

    @jtradke I know,right? Get off your cross, HP; we need the wood, winter is coming.

  • Oscar G

    Poder (yo puedo, tu puedes, etc) also means to be able to do something, I was having a conversation about it with a classmate yesterday.

    These things are not exclusive to santería, a lot of snake oil salesmen use religion to sell all sorts of useless stuff to gullible people in latin america. I usually go to Mexico every year and I’m always amazed at the amount of crap they peddle (holy salt!, A piece of cloth that is beleived to cure all ailments!).

    And the “veladoras” that you can find in Kroger are the traditional catholic candles, and even though they are sometimes scented, they are used by catholics in altars to their saints, the virgin or dead relatives. Some of them have prayers to their favorite semi-deity inscribed as well. Yes they are used for santería as well but they are made and used for mainstream catholicism.

  • Staceyjw

    Now that I live in Mexico, I see all kinds of stuff like this. And EVERYONE has Catholic icons on their rear view mirrors.
    This on is particularly funny!
    Stacey

  • muggle

    I knew it! I’m allergic to Christ! (Severe perfume allergy)

  • Elementary Spanish factoid: “legitimo” is more idiomatically rendered as “genuine” in this case: “genuine oil”.

    I own a nice Panama hat I bought in Mexico years ago. The sweatband is inscribed “Legitimo Panama”.

    Staceyjw: Yeah.

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