Colby the Christian Robot November 29, 2009

Colby the Christian Robot

To everyone who reads this site:

Please stop sending me creepy, made-for-children, Christian videos like this right before I go to bed.

They give me nightmares.

On the upside, it was amusing to hear the Christian robots telling a child, “We are all robots; you must be a robot too”….

I’ll try to remember that when I wake up in the middle of the night screaming.

(Thanks to Néstor for the link!)

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  • medussa

    WTF? What is that? Who wrote, directed and produced that and for what horrible purpose? I couldn’t watch past the first minute, it was making my eyes bleed, so I don’t know if it made a point somewhere in there…

  • Finally! Proof there is no god.

    At least not a loving, omnipotent one.

  • HamsterWheel

    Hideously hilarious. I’d like to see how they react to Colby reciting Psalm 137:9, which talks about happily smashing children against rocks.

  • Sandra S

    Wow. Uhm, I’m going to go stand over here now…


  • Fett101

    It’s a shame Colby is so enamored with the bible because he has no soul and can’t go to heaven. Poor Colby. :*(

  • Valdyr

    Wow, there’s a sci-fi/theology collision scenario I never considered: is it immoral to create artificial intelligences who, by virtue of being mechanical, have no souls, and thus can’t go to Heaven?

  • Well that was horrifying. I made it as far as when they started singing the “we’re all robots” song and had to stop, as I was afraid of possible intracranial hemorrhaging.

    Even more frightening is that series ran for quite a few years and must have warped a considerable number of young minds. Poor kids never knew what hit ’em.

  • Oh the inhumanity.

    They got that fixed fundy grin right on Colby though.

  • ckitching

    It’s a good thing I don’t try to fix all my computer problems by praying over them.

    The token black child is a nice touch.

  • Trace

    Is Colby the precursor to Barney?

  • This is one of many musicals in a similar vein. In fact, there are quite a few starring Colby. In addition to those that were filmed and put on VHS/DVD, all of these also come with all of the bits and pieces for a church or school to put on a production.

    I know this first hand as I was IN a production of one of the Colby musicals 25 years ago at the Christian elementary school I attended as a kid.

    That school performed a musical of this sort every spring. All of them had heavy-handed, but overly simplified theology and morality at their core.

  • We Are The 801

    Do Christian Androids Dream of Electric Jesuses?

  • raisedbybadgers

    Ooooh, look at all the pretty colors. Evangelism meets technobabble by way of really bad acid.

    I’ll probably regret clicking on those links, but I’ve just got to know whether this is a Day-Glo(TM?) example of Poe’s Law in action.

  • Scary indeed….

  • Warren


    I like the editing at the end. It was pretty creepy.

  • Do Christian Androids Dream of Electric Jesuses?

    Nah, they dream of sacrificing electric sheep – God prefers the blue smoke.

  • Staceyjw

    I bet the original was just as scary, maybe even worse….

  • The writing was so bad I couldn’t sit through the whole thing. Did you notice how every kid began their dialogue with “Hey!”? After a dozen or so “hey’s” I had to bale… er, bail.

  • Eliza

    at 2:06, a moment of truth (from the mouth of a child):

    “I don’t understand! I mean we prayed for Colby, and he’s still not all better!”

    That’s good kid. Keep thinking about that observation you’ve made…

  • jacob

    Man nick is a real douche.

  • Molly


  • Vern L Weiss

    Was someone really serious bout this production? About as bad as one can get!

  • David D.G.


    ~David D.G.

  • Martin

    That little part of me that had hope for humanity?


  • Tia

    ahahahahaha. this was seriously my childhood.
    and yes, the original was just as bad.
    Psalty the Singing Songbook was worse though.
    I have nightmares about giant blue books from time to time….

  • L.K.

    Next time on ChurchTrek
    ‘We are Colby. You will be assimilated.’

  • Andrea

    Pretty unintelligent design to put a button that completely messes up your robot right on the back of its head, where any nasty little brat can easily hit it.

  • CiCi

    hahahaa. so creepy!

  • muggle

    Great. Now I’m going to have nightmares that the ’80’s never ended but took over instead. Reagan is alive and king instead of president. Aargh!

    That had to be a Poe. I mean it seem to spread doubt, not belief. Right? Please tell me I’m right? For the love of “God”!

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