I Want To Be Your Indian Friend! September 1, 2009

I Want To Be Your Indian Friend!

By Guest Contributor
September 1, 2009

I just found out I cost only $19.95.

That might explain why my phone has been ringing all day.

I think it’s funny, dammit.

(via Sepia Mutiny)

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  • Valdyr

    And the name of the contributor’s website is awesome, too. *wonders who else gets the reference*

    *is white*

    *feels nerdy*

  • Love it!

    Is there a group rate?

  • I want my Indian now! I’ll have a Chicken Balti please, but hold the naan!

  • That explains why there’s so many in tech support now.

  • Kris

    Hm, can’t have too many Indian friends, or they stop being token. On the other hand, curry, samosa, the Kamasutra, all things you can never have too much of. Ah, and Ganesha. Can’t have too much Ganesha, either.

  • Kris

    Veritas: Just be happy that your dollars (still) aren’t worth as much as ours. Oh, and that Americans won’t know you’re not one of us as long as you don’t let slip an “eh” or “aboot”. I don’t think we like Canadians much.

  • Dammit, this is annoying… what about us “old school” indophiles? We ought to get first choice of the Indian friends! I’ve had an Om tat for 15 years, and various Hindu deity statues around my house for at least 20 now, but the poseurs who only noticed how f’n cool Indians are after seeing “Slumdog Millionaire” are probably ahead of me in line. That bites. 😉

    (Wonder how much it’d be for an Indian HUSBAND? This time around I’d like one I can have an intellectual conversation with… who can actually understand what I’m saying!)

  • mikespeir

    If I take a dozen, do I get a discount?

  • Sackbut

    I did a reverse lookup on that phone number. Didn’t seem to be taken.

  • Indian chicks are hawt!

  • Robyn

    What about a gay Indian friend?

    Ooh, Slumdog Millionaire. DEAL!

  • Richard P

    My brother in native American Indian.

    Once while driving, we stopped at the bank to get cash. I get out lock the door, go get the money. When I get back in he looks at me and says, “Thanks for taken such good care of your Indian”. I looked at him and went “HUH”? He said, “Well when you left you locked your door, I want to thank you, for making sure nobody stole your Indian, most people wouldn’t have cared”.

    I love my brother, we had loads of fun over that one.

  • Demetrius Of Pharos

    Thats AWESOME. I’m totally ditching my gay best friend as soon as I can get my Indian friend. In fact, I think I’ll send this link to my gay best friend right now!

  • Kris: I usually get away with it, simply because most Americans go, “Oh thank God you’re not one of those damned Indians.”

    And it’s not aboot. It’s pronounced “a-boat”. Except in Newfoundland.

  • medussa

    I’ll take 2 please. Actually, I’ll take 3 if one of them is Hemant.

  • lmao….thanks for letting me start the day on a good note.

    🙂

  • I’d like one, too, but after having seen Bend It Like Beckham, can I request that my new friend’s parents never be part of our circle of friends?

  • Reginald Selkirk

    “Indian Friend” – reminds me if this:
    YouTube Video: Christian Tries to Convert Hindu

  • At least I know I am worth something.. Jai Ho!

  • $19.95? I’ll give a full $20. Where’s the e-bay link? Are you selling your whole self this time? What are the shipping costs?

  • Randy

    Can I have the blond instead? Just asking.

  • Carlie

    Does that mean I’m going to get a bill for $20 from each of my Indian friends? Crap.

  • MacCrocodile

    Shit. Well, maybe there’s still a market for gay best friends in India.

  • What?! This is racist! I demand an apology!

    Hah just messing, people! This was funny!! And sad because I just got sold for 15$. Could have done with the extra $4.95.

  • Umm…I don’t know how to put this, exactly, especially since you seem to be such a decent fellow and we are, I think, in agreement on many (if not most) issues you write about…but I already have a plethora of Indian friends. From my roommate in university, Eswar (from Madras), to Vickie, the owner of Kebabish where I regularly scarf down beef curry and nan, I’m practically drowning in a tide of sub-continent pals.
    It dawns on me, however, that I have no Indian enemies. I’m not sure why that is – I have enemies from most other ethnic groups but no Indians.
    So, I was wondering, would you like to be my Indian enemy? You wouldn’t have to do anything nasty – I suspect that would run counter to your personal ethic. But, you could…I dunno…sneer dismissively should we ever meet in person. And if anyone asks you if you have any enemies, you could mention me. If they ask why we’re enemies, you could say it was because I retained your services as friend but stiffed you on the bill.

    Kindest Regards,
    Cousin Avi

  • Cousin Avi — I hate you.

    (Did that work?)

    — Hemant

  • Amy G

    Oh no! When did gays go out? They always have the best gossip. Can I get a gay Indian? 😛

  • Thanks, Hemant.

    You’re the best kind of enemy. I’m gonna scoop your photo off the front page and have a t-shirt printed up – you know, inside a circle with a diagonal slash running through it.

    “No Hemant
    (photo)
    Enemy since 09/09”

    If there’s anything I can ever do to repay your lack of kindness, please hesitate to ask.

    Kindest Regards    , Your Enemy
    Cousin Avi

  • Holly

    My daughter has an Indian friend, but she won’t share. I can’t wait until she learns I can have one for under $20. I think she paid at least $25. Do I get to pick the gender?

  • Holly

    Oh! I just remembered — I already have Slumdog. So, if you’ll just subtract the $20 value from $19.95, I’ll take my Indian friend and you’ll only have to pay me 5 cents. Thank you blonde girl.

  • Sedate Me

    I can actually buy myself a hot Indian friend like her?

    I think I’m going to buy two or three of them right now and re-enact scenes from the film Kama Sutra! In time, my pad will resemble the Khajuraho temples.