Should You Hide the Truth About Santa Claus?

Woah, woah, wait a second. If you believe Jesus was a historical figure, Jesus and Santa literally have nothing in common. And if you don’t, then all that Jesus and Santa have in common is that they are both fictional. That’s it.

The key difference is that people don’t worship Santa and live their lives based on his supposed teachings.

Even as atheists, I think we can tell our children the story of Santa Claus (I plan to) because it’s a fun and harmless part of childhood everyone grows out of. Christianity — not so much.

I extend this to other children. I have no problem telling other children that Santa exists (unless, of course, their parents object). I would never tell a child, mine or anyone else’s, to worship Jesus.

Don’t slander Santa by lumping him with Jesus!

My daughters know of the SC story, but the also know it’s for “entertainment only”.

The legend of Santa actually started my road to skepticism. When I was seven or so I began trying to prove the existence of Santa, albeit by childish means.

The only one I remember is leaving a note that Santa had to sign to prove he was real.

There is such thing as harmless fantasy, too. If you’re not supposed to believe in Santa, should we keep our children from all forms of fiction or fantasy. No Wind in the Willows? No Harry Potter? No Star Wars? No searching for dragons in the backyard? no pretending that a dirtpile is Mount Everest? No putting a towel over your back and leaping tall buildings in a single bound?

Let your (potential)kids dictate how you proceed. Don’t push a belief in Santa on them (especially if they show a skeptic streak), but let them if they do, they’ll come around and still have fun in the process.

I’ve cautioned my kids not to spoil the fun of Santa for other kids. (I don’t care if they spill the beans about Jeebus.) But when a kid asks me about Santa, I usually turn it around with “What do you think?” I’d rather they be thinking about the answer for themselves than get the answer from me.

I was going to say the same thing. It’s fun for children, and is a good stepping stone into the real world and learning the difference between fiction and fantasy. Every child eventually figures it out, but if they ask if he is real on their own accord, of course I would tell them the truth.

I think it’s important for parents to play up Santa like he’s just for pretend. Kids understand pretend. They can drink imaginary tea and still know its not real. When I have children I plan to promote Santa in the same manner by pretending with them and playing into the fantasy, but to never state his existence as fact. Though perhaps learning that your parents weren’t telling the truth about Santa is the first steps to becoming a skeptic.

I think Dale McGowan nails it on the Santa thing…

Santa Claus — The Ultimate Dry Run

Santa Claus, my secular friends, is the greatest gift a rational worldview ever had. Our culture has constructed a silly and temporary myth parallel to its silly and permanent one. They share a striking number of characteristics, yet the one is cast aside halfway through childhood.
…This culturally pervasive myth is meant to be figured out, designed with an expiration date, after which consumption is universally frowned upon.

Read the entire article. He makes a great case for using Santa as a way to help kids think critically about the world — even if it’s something that their parents told them.

Oh, one other point. “Kate” said:

we will not lie to our children

My first thought, honestly, was a smug, superior smirk thinking “Yes you will, you just don’t know it yet.” But I had the same thought before my kids were born, and it’s an admirable goal. But truthfully, the reality is not only that it’s not practical to always be honest, but it might actually be harmful… More Dale…

Pants-on-fire parenting

Many nonreligious parents, in the admirable name of high integrity, set themselves up as infallible authorities. And since (like it or not) we are the first and most potent authority figures in our kids’ lives, turning ourselves into benevolent oracles of truth can teach our kids to passively receive the pronouncements of authority. I would rather, in a low-key and fun fashion, encourage them to constantly take whatever I say and run it through the baloney meter. To that end, I sprinkle our conversations with fruitful errors, bursting with their own corrections.

When my youngest asked, “How far away is the Sun?”, I said, “Twenty feet,” precisely so she would look at me and say, “Dad, you dork!!” When my kids ask what’s for dinner, I say “Monkey lungs, go wash up.” When the fifth grader doing her homework asks what seven times seven is, I say 47, because she should (a) know that on her own by now, and, equally important (b) know the wrong answer when she hears it.

Yes, I make sure they end up with the right answer when it matters, and no, I don’t do this all the time. They’d kill me. But pulling our kids’ legs once in a while is more than just fun and games. For one thing, if every word from my mouth was a reliable pearl of factuality, they would get the unhelpful message that Authority Always Tells the Truth.

Now don’t instantly whip over to the cartoon extreme of Dad lying about whether a car is coming as we cross the street ( “All clear!! Heh heh heh.”) I’m talking about fibs of the harmless-but-useful variety — and yes, I firmly include Santa in that.

Knowing that Dad sometimes talks nonsense can prepare them to expect and challenge the occasional bit of nonsense, intentional or otherwise, from peers, ministers, and presidents. The result in our household is this: When I answer a question, my kids don’t swallow it without a thought. They take a moment to think about whether the answer makes sense. By seeing to it that their childhood includes nonsense, I’m building their immune systems for a lifetime swimming in the stuff.

Uhh… Sorry Dale — I think I just quoted fully half of that article… It’s just so damned good!

So, I’d lie to them about Santa so they can find their way out of it.

I would ask questions like ‘what do you think? and why do you think that?’ in hopes to spur critical thinking.

If I personally had kids I probably wouldn’t do the Santa myth. I remember feeling really betrayed when I discovered the hidden presents a week before xmas.

I’m not sure if I heard it here or what, but I read an article saying that you should occasionally lie to your children, because if you always tell the truth, they’ll think that 1) adults always tell the truth, and 2) there could exist a father-like God who has ultimate truth.

If you give them the occasional Santa Claus, 2+2=5, and “My name is robot, silly”, they’ll learn to critically think about things you, other adults, and other children say, and decide for themselves whether the advice/statement is worth believing.

Or at least, that’s the hope 🙂

Also, did people really feel betrayed when they found out about SC? I thought I was pretty smart when I discovered the handwriting on the tags was the same for gifts “From Santa” and “From Dad”. My dad even tried to keep the myth going for a while, at least playfully.

I also think that it’s a sort of buffer for gratitude. My dad often gave us nice gifts, and saying “go see what Santa brought you” involves a lot less pressure than “go see what I got you”. You know? There’s less pressure to act like you like a gift, or show a certain amount of gratitude. Later, years after I had “figured it out”, saying “Santa” was really an inside joke between me and my father.

And also, for a young freethinker, the parallel between Santa Claus and God is strong. I personally wouldn’t invoke Santa Claus in a serious debate, but for a child, figuring out Santa Claus is a lie from their parents is essentially a “proof” that God may not exist, either.

My seven year old daughter has figured out that Santa Claus is really mom and dad. And as long as she believes in us, she will believe in SC. We need some fun at christmas, I know it is hokey.

Interestingly, we are letter her decide for herself upon religion. She knows I do not believe, my wife is a non-practicing christian, and I believe she is mostly keeping up the facade for the relatives.

What is funny, is the way my daughter looks at me when grandma says a prayer or grace. The look is like “are you for real lady?” In a couple more years we will have that conversation.

As for SC, let the belief continue, it is not like there is a way of life attached to it. Ok maybe a “be good or no presents” as that will ever happen. Just like don’t sin and no heaven, again, won’t happen.

mdcurler (math teacher)

I read an article saying that you should occasionally lie to your children, because if you always tell the truth

I would have say that if you just hold up the examples of others you will have enough evidence to show your child about lies and mythtruths with out going into lying yourself.

That being said, There are times it does save a lot of hassle, avoiding the truth.
I had a very unconventional parenting method.
I came to believe my true Job as a parent was to prepare them to parent themselves. I challenged my kids with stupid stuff all the time to create in them the security to think and speak out when something is wrong.
One day when they were all bored, I tried to get a group together to have street crossing races. It was my kids that brought up the stupidity of this and why we shouldn’t do it. It was a great learning lesson and it helped the kids to learn a great deal. It was also a good lesson for the other kids about how to confront authority figures when things were wrong. Some of the other parents weren’t to happy but, wow what a great time I had trying to convince them it was a good idea. I have to say I was very proud of how the kids banded together to stop the sheep that were willing to follow me and look for other means to entertain themselves. One that didn’t involve moving cars. We decided on a trip to the pool instead.

My approach to Santa was in a similar vein, we treated it as a story, Like the ones we read at bed time. we talked about him, they received presents from him, at times I would tell him Santa won’t bring him presents, but it was always part of the Santa story, so it never became an issue of truth or not.

I don’t know why I never felt ‘hurt’ or ‘betrayed’ or whatever when I found out with all certainty that Santa didn’t exist, but I’m glad I believed in Santa for a while and I certainly would never tell someone else’s kid that Santa isn’t real just like I don’t tell my own kid whether he’s real or not. I just don’t comment on it – I want him to figure it out for himself. I enjoy how excited my son gets at the times he thinks Santa is real just as much as I enjoy the times he’s being skeptical and questioning the Santa myth. I think it’s good for him to really consider the idea.

… or you could do what Richard P just said

I’m sure this makes me a hypocrite but I think Santa is one of those harmless things that makes childhood worthwhile. My husband and I have decided to do the Santa thing and encourage dialogue with our kid(s).

My favourite part of Christmas as a child was leaving out mincemeat tarts and a glass of sherry for Santa and seeing a plate with crumbs on it and a half empty (half full?) sherry glass next to it on Christmas morning. (Of course my grandfather dressed as Santa drunk as a lord, falling “out of” the chimney and laughing his head off was also worthy).

I think kids need a little bit of fun and magic in their lives and at least Santa doesn’t promote hatred and intolerance.

I am not a parent, so you might take my comment with a trailer-full of salt.

There is a school of thought that says we should lie to our kids about some harmless things such as Santa Claus. The idea is to demonstrate to them that they should apply skepticism to the claims people make: that not everyone will tell them the truth. I think this makes sense.

I never believed in Santa, that I remember. My sister says we sort of worked it out together when I was only about 3, and after that there was no pretence. We still had Christmas, and I did enjoy it when I was young.

I don’t feel hard done by, and don’t understand what I could possibly have gained by believing in such a daft story.

Your answers to 10 tricky children’s questions
Only #7 involves God, and Santa Claus didn’t make the list.

It would seem easiest to go along with it. As with many others here, it really was around the time I sorted out that Santa and the Tooth Fairy & co weren’t real that I started doubting Jesus and God too (I don’t really remember believing in any of them, but I know I did). And I do think it’s good for kids to sort out that it’s not real through means other than being directly told by an adult or older child. If a kid does come up and say “Bobby told me Santa isn’t real, that’s not true is it?”, the “What do you think?” response is a good one.

I know when I sorted it out the conversation wound up talking about the “spirit of Santa”.. the idea of giving and such. My mom still labels some of the gifts under the tree as being from Santa 😛

I guess it’s a matter of how much you despise the kids asking you. If you hate them, tell them you know Santa and he doesn’t like them and won’t be bringing them any more presents. If you only mildly dislike them, tell them there is no Santa and enjoy watching them break down in tears. If you like them, go along with the fun and enjoy it, children see the world differently than adults and sometimes that’s a joy to share in.

Seriously, some of you are jerks. It’s Santa, it’s harmless. They’ll figure it out in time. If you actually felt betrayed when you found out about Santa there’s something else seriously wrong about your childhood. It’s the imaginary stuff that some people take seriously that you need to concern yourselves with.

I told my children that some people like to pretend about SC, and that it’s not nice to tell people that their pretending isn’t real. It’s much simpler given that we didn’t celebrate Christmas in the first place.

I also have said I wouldn’t lie to my kids. I think I’ve kept to that pretty well, and my youngest is entering his final year of high school. I also think I’ve encouraged them to think for themselves, and not to take something I say as factually true just because I say it (or because anyone else said it). However, they should expect me to believe that what I say is true; a lie, after all, is not a false statement, but a statement that the speaker believes to be false.

Santa is fun and it does show kids that grown ups don’t always tell the truth. If I had a kid I’d go the “What do you think?” route and fess up if they said he doesn’t exist. There’s a good lesson in it.

As for other people’s kids. I use either “what do you think?” or say to ask their parents. It’s not my job to decide when someone else’s kid needs to know Santa doesn’t exist. Besides I don’t like making little kids cry.

I generally go with a diplomatic answer that is probably consistent with what they’ve already seen, like “different people think different things”, and see how the conversation develops.

If I can move the conversation to what people can think and how they come to decide what they think, and then ask the child what they think, that usually seems to be satisfactory to them without puncturing their own beliefs just yet… and at the same time, possibly plants a seed of thinking more deeply about the process of how beliefs come about.

Dale McGowan, ‘nough said.

My online moniker of Santa is old and not done for this discussion…but the way I see it, Both Santa and the Tooth Fairy brought me presents when I was young. It’s possible it was only my parents pretending….but all I can tell you is that Jesus never answered any prayers and both Santa and the Tooth Fairy came through regularly. 😉

But if we don’t lie to our children then they’ll just go out and find someone on the street who will… ;P

It’s probably for the best I have no kids.

K (aka Kate, in Hemant’s post — briefly) here.

Here’s the context of the situation:
Hubby and I were at a 4th of July picnic. We were chatting with another atheist couple when I too loudly made the analogy that something that had been mentioned was, “…like believing santa were real.” Thankfully, none of the nearby parents with kids in tow confronted me with scowling faces and crying children. But I wondered, what would I have said if they had? What would other atheists do?
So I wrote Hemant asking what his readers thought. And you all had many answers regarding variations of the question.
My father-in-law is an atheist (and single parent) who raised my husband and brothers-in-law without religion. He also made a point not to lie to his boys about santa, jesus, or the tooth fairy.
My parents, on the other hand, are christians who actively lied to me about santa, jesus, and the tooth fairy. My parents didn’t encourage free thought. I was 5 when my dad broke the news about santa and I did feel betrayed. I do wish he would have held back and allowed me to figure it out on my own like I did with the easter bunny, jesus, zeus, etc.
@Kelly, et al: As stated, we aren’t parents yet, but we do discuss it often because we hope to be parents in the next few years. We won’t hide the truth from our kids because it’s not in our nature, but we can’t be positive of that until the situation arises. Yet I can’t imagine myself or my mister saying to our offspring, “look what santa brought you!” Even if my parents want to perpetuate the myth, their “santa” gifts will be presented with the knowledge that they are really from Oma and Opa not SC.
As for kids who ask about the existence of SC or any other mythical being, I can imagine my response will be along the lines of, “what do you think?”

K.

I loved the Santa myth growing up so I do it with my kids. I leave out the part about being good or santa won’t come, that’s just cruel.

Once my kids start doubting I won’t lie or insist that santa is real. I personally believe that is where parents go wrong. To insist vehemently that something is real when you know it isn’t would naturally cause someone to be angry once they find out the truth.

I’d say the same thing to any kid that asks that question whether it was mine or not: “What do you think?” No matter their answer I’d probably respond with “Hmmm, that’s interesting” or something non-committal.

I think both my sons learned about Santa’s inexistence at school. I also think that by seing so many ‘different and fake looking’ Santas on TV commercials contributed to their skepticism.

Anyway, we never really pushed the idea on them, specially not the moral “If you’re not good…” side so many use Santa for. So it was a rather natural process for them to get rid of the idea.

As most people have commented: they eventually get over that concept by themselves, specially if no other myth is maintained in the family.

Cat, I definitely see what your saying, but what about the people who actively spend years trying to convince their kids (along with aid from friends, relatives, and social pressure) that the Jesus myth is true?

That’s the point of the first excerpt I stole from Dale. Sure, most kids will find their own way out of the “sun is 20 feet away” situation, and the game you’re playing with your niece is spot-on appropriate, but when well-intentioned believers start in, kids need to know that even when an authority figure is deadly serious about something (be it God, 9/11 truth, antivaccine, whatever), they need to think critically about it.

as a christian, don’t anyone freak out, yeah i’m a christian and proud of it, i have been called narrow minded and a dreamer because i chose everlasting life, i feel there is nothing wrong with letting your children believe in santa or jesus. santa is a fictional man who takes toys to children all over the world, nothing wrong with letting your kids believe that in this dismal world good still exsists. i won’t get into a discussion about the true meaning of christmas unless anyone would like to hear it.