Abstinence-Only Programs Are Ineffective July 27, 2009

Abstinence-Only Programs Are Ineffective

Abstinence-only education is a bad idea even when it comes to school lunches, says The Onion:

Despite the popularity of abstinence-only meal programs in schools across the country, the study found that children who were provided with no food at lunch and cautioned against eating at an early age were no less likely to become overweight than those who were provided with a well-rounded nutritional education.

“There’s no evidence to suggest that instructing teens not to chew, swallow, or even think about food is actually going to stop them from eating,” Sebelius told reporters. “Let’s face it: Kids are already eating. And not only during lunchtime. They’re eating after school, at the mall, in their parents’ basements. Pretending like it’s not happening isn’t going to make it go away.”

“After all, they’re teenagers,” Sebelius continued. “Eating is practically the only thing on their minds.”

I started eating at a really young age. It’s rare that I go a day without eating.

Sometimes, I eat too much. I even go back for seconds.

There are some foods I won’t eat, of course… because I don’t swing that way.

If you do eat, please remember to use condiments.

Practice safe snacks.

Ok. I’m done now. You can take it from here.

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  • I eat by myself sometimes. I also eat with my wife.

  • You’re all perverts.

  • Perhaps we’re all a little canabalistic at times…

  • beckster

    Do you guys eat in the shower sometimes?

  • Alan E.

    I sometimes make eating a ritual, but I always clean up as soon as I am done.

  • Epistaxis

    Sometimes when I “work from home,” it’s just so I can eat nonstop while I’m at my desk.

  • Sometimes I chat with friends online while I’m eating, and they don’t know. Is that wrong?

  • Twewi

    Sometimes I chat with my friends online while I’m eating, and then I tell them what I’m eating just to freak them out.

  • You’re all sick, and I can’t believe I associate with you all.

    …yet here I am eating a pizza. Am I going to hell?

  • uzushio

    I like eating in the car, but it’s distracting while I’m driving. Plus it’s really messy.

  • Michael R

    Once I ate toast in the shower. I felt so dirty for enjoying it. I hope my mother doesn’t find out.

  • Vhyrrimyr

    But if a man find a prepared food in the field, and the man take of it, and eat of it: then the man only that eat of it shall die.

    -Deuteronomy 22:25

    Thus speaketh The Great Carbohydrate in the Sky. RAmen.

  • Vhyrrimyr

    Blockquote fail… 🙁

  • jemand

    In a surprising finding, scientists today noted that children whose communities used “just hold it” potty training were no less likely to wet the bed than other children…

  • Nomadz

    Sometimes I chat with friends online while I’m eating, and they don’t know. Is that wrong?

    That’s wrong only if you don’t have a webcam.

  • The condiment broke…ok I admit it there was no condiment…Do I need an obesity test?

  • anonymouse

    But seriously, there were 3 (?) studies that came out last year that showed how ineffective REAL ab-only programs were, as if we needed them!

  • I like to eat at work. Most of my co-workers do too. We usually do it in the dining room (it’s a restaurant) but sometimes I don’t even wait until lunch time and will eat right there on the line, while I’m working. I feel kind of guilty about that, but I’ve seen others do it too, so I guess it’s not that big a deal.

  • Dan W

    I have also been known to eat while online, and chat with people about what I’m eating. And I often eat while watching TV. And I usually eat the more unhealthy foods.

  • Chal

    I’m eating right now 😀

    But now I feel ashamed… 🙁

  • Will

    I’m eating right now too! And yes, that is TOTALLY a euphemism.

  • Pony

    Eating by yourself satisfies a need, but it’s often more enjoyable to get a whole group of friends and all eat together.

  • I’ve eaten with both men and women, even after I got married. I told my wife about it, but sometimes, I eat with someone else and she doesn’t know. She always asks me if I went to lunch with someone from work and I tell her no, but sometimes I do.

  • I made a pledge ring out of a bread twisty tie. It reminds me to not eat bread until it’s been toasted.

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