Purity Ring-Tone? July 20, 2009

Purity Ring-Tone?

If you want to pledge your virginity-until-marriage, there’s an app for that.

The application has a pre-recorded pledge for both genders that the user must accept before being able to display their ring on a loop.

“We are preaching to the converted, and we’re going for people who wouldn’t buy a ring. The app is not the be-all-and-end-all of purity pledges: it’s an entry point.”

That’s what she said.

Asked whether the virtual nature of the ring might lead people to forget their vow of abstinence in the heat of the moment, Bennett replied: “If you’ve taken the pledge, you’re likely to follow it through.”

Right…

I do know how we can get the app to work, though.

Program it to sense when your hand is holding the iPhone. If your hand lets go of it, that can only be because you’re about to have the sex.

At that point, the app begins to make an annoying noise that only your father can turn off.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you make an abstinence pledge work.

(Thanks to Sandra for the link!)

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Now is the time for the wicked atheist to come out with a ring/ movement etc for virginity AFTER marriage( we go one step further)

    Forgive the weirdness, but I cannot help myself.

  • I don’t know which is more annoying… that stupid ring or another stupid app.

  • llewelly

    The app is not the be-all-and-end-all of purity pledges: it’s an entry point.

    What? I thought the goal of the app was block an entry point …

  • River

    That was a hilarious usage of “that’s what she said”, and completely justified in this case.

    After the movie Teeth, I can never think of purity pledges the same way again. Didn’t and still don’t have a good opinion of it — worthless at best, and a scam anyway you look at it.

  • LOL. Good comedic writing here. “the” sex. Hah.

  • “If you’ve taken the pledge, you’re likely to follow it through.”

    Oh wait, you were serious. Let me laugh even harder. BWAHAHAHAHA!

  • Delphine

    lol, people who took the pledge are more likely to follow through? Since when? Do people not think anymore before they spill easy to check BSes?

    People who take purity pledges and people who don’t, are equally likely to have sex before marriage. The difference between the two groups? The group that took purity pledges are more likely to have unwanted pregnancies.

    Instincts. Sex = instinct. Instincts are hard to override.

  • Claudia

    It’s an entry point to following through….

    Well, she does have a point, in a way. After all, teens who take purity pledges are apparently much more likely to engage in anal sex, and she never said which entry point she was talking about…

  • Program it to sense when your hand is holding the iPhone. If your hand lets go of it, that can only be because you’re about to have the sex.

    Because people have never had sex while holding an iPhone? Uhm, OK.

  • They should have a purity alarm app, like Dot Matrix’s Virginity Alarm from Spaceballs. They could use Joan Rivers voice. That would kill every libido within a thousand yards.

  • “That’s my virgin alarm… it’s programmed to go off before you do!” — Dot Matrix — Spaceballs.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zb3xA5JAAyw#t=3m14s

  • GG

    Pretty soon kids will think turning off their iphone before doozin in means Jesus isn’t watching them sqeal.