Ask Richard: Feeling Awkward When Given Religious Books

Also, most of those books are so badly written that you can rip on that extensively without ever touching on the superstitious bits.

As a teacher, I received lots of trinkets from parents. One parent gave me a very nice metal cross wall hanging that looked fairly expensive. I told her I greatly appreciated a gift, but that I wasn’t a christian and would not feel comfortable hanging it in my home. I then told her to please feel free to give it to another teacher who I knew was a very serious christian who had also helped greatly with her son. She said to me, “sorry, I didn’t realize you were Jewish.” I laughed and said I’m not that either and she got a confused look on her face, as though there are only two options 🙂

I disagree that you should be so vague upon returning the book (unless you didn’t read it). It’s a great opportunity to start a discussion and poke a few holes in their worldview. No huge confrontation necessary, think of it as a chance to meet them on their home baseball field and unexpectedly knock a few easy pitches into deep left field, so to speak. If it plants doubts in their mind, great. If they don’t like even these mild questions, then you’re spared from reading more drivel – twice as great!

Case in point, I read “The Shack” recently, in order to have a say in an ongoing neighborhood conversation. Without anyone getting angry or delving into my beliefs, I got a lot of head-nods (from good Christians) about how poorly various aspects of its theology were presented, and how they are impossible to believe. I got to point out contradictions in Christ’s behaviour that never fly when you point them in the context of The Bible. It was well worth reading to have these discussions.

(That said, if you don’t have an interesting buddy to discuss it with, you can skip “The Shack”; the writing is painfully stilted and it leaves gigantic holes in the religious questions it pretends to address. It kills me that books like this sell millions of copies.)

Kurt,

Would you believe that “The Shack” is the very book that prompted me to write to Richard? Call it the icing on the cake.

Thanks to Richard and all you who are providing suggestions and feedback!

I am a committed atheist, but if someone ever offers you Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, read it. It’s a great book, even if you disagree with the whole of it.

I’m usually only given/offered religious books by people who already know I’m an atheist, so I feel no obligation to be overly polite or evasive. I have been given no less than three “modern” language bibles over the years, presumably because I’m too dense to understand the regular one.

Take Nancy Reagan’s advice and “Just say no.”

“No.” “No, but thank you.”

or take the route I’m most likely to take.
“No thank you, I prefer zombie books by modern authors.”
“No thank you, I would rather read the new D&D DM guide.”

Or if you are in a real good mood: “Have you read The Satanic Bible by Anton Lavey? I think I have a copy you can borrow. Maybe we can work out a trade?”

I agree with Tom; simply say ‘no’. If they don’t accept that, they’re not really a friend, a christian or worthy of respect.

Although, you should at least take a look at what the book is about. For example, a religious tract should be refused outright. A book about religion may have something interesting in it.

In what spirit is the offer of a book given? I lend books to people who express an interest in what I’m reading and if they like them (and I get them back) I lend them related books on similar topics. I do not lend people books with an agenda in mind nor do I accept them. Nor do I lend anything to anyone who does not ask me first.

I do occasionally read religiously themed books. I’ve just picked up a copy of Mere Christianity which is supposed to be the dog’s bollocks when it comes to apologist writing. If any of the religious people I know see me reading it then it might spark some lively debates. If someone lent me a book because they wanted to discuss theology then I’d be happy to join in.

As for the “What did you think?” question I think it is worth taking a moment to consider what is meant by this question. At face value it means what it literally says but very few people would ask this question in the hopes of getting an alternate view of their literature choice. What people want is for their opinion to be affirmed in the views of another. If that is all they want then it is better to tell them that it wasn’t your thing and let them off rather than argue that their viewpoint is incorrect…unless you don’t like them much.

Also The Shack is a revolting piece of puerile nonsense that no-one in their right mind should take seriously.

I would add that it is fairly basic courtesy to not question the lendee about the book you foist on them. “Oh, you simply must read this, I think you’ll love it!” is fine, but when the book is returned, smile, and don’t question them on it unless they start the conversation. Everyone has different reading styles and preferences, and not all books will appeal to all readers- there are certain authors who are great writers that I simply can’t read, regardless. Dear Prudence backs me up on this, and agrees that your friends are tacky and wrong to put you in that position.

That said, you of course are not allowed to point that out to said tacky and wrong friends. If I were you, I would say soemthing like, “My To Be Read pile could block out the sun, and I have to tackle those for a while! Speaking of books, have you read…”