Dwight Howard, God Lose NBA Finals June 15, 2009

Dwight Howard, God Lose NBA Finals

By Guest Contributor
June 15, 2009

Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic lost in the NBA Finals…

The same Dwight Howard who had quite a bit to say about God going into the series…

Dwight Howard confidently declared his team, the Magic, would win the NBA championship because of his god. The exact words were, “God. That’s the reason, I’m telling you.”…

But he lost.

I’m still waiting for any reporter to call him out on it.

I’m not holding my breath.

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  • littlejohn

    This didn’t have to happen. God kept Jesus on the bench for the whole game. According to theology and anatomy expert Oral Roberts, Jesus is exactly 900 feet tall. Very tough to defend his slam dunks.

  • Everyone knows that God is a Laker’s fan. I’m sure that Dwight will blame the lack of faith of his teammates and the Magic fans. God didn’t fail. A God that never actually has to do anything never can.

  • Matto the Hun

    @ Dwight Howard: Your God sucks Haw! Haw!

    Wouldn’t it have been awesome if somebody from the other team say that if they won it would be because of Thor, or Zeus. Then we could say Thor kicked God’s ass.

  • Dude, why are Scientology ads coming up on your blog? I know you don’t control the ad content, but if they’re going to put that kind of crap on your blog, you may want to rethink the whole ad thing.

  • Why does God *always* seem to back the team that has more talent and experience, better perimeter play and a more physical inside presence?

    Maybe the better team wins, and God has nothing to do with it? Or maybe, if God is powerful enough to punish the Magic through the Lakers…wow, rationalization is fun.

  • Infinitemonkey

    Jesus fouled out, he was caught walking on water.

  • Siamang

    Dude, why are Scientology ads coming up on your blog?

    I say good! Take their money.

    Scientology advertising here has got to be the worst audience for their advertising dollar they could get.

    I think readers of this site are plenty able to view their claims with a dose of skepticism.

  • Matto the Hun

    Maybe God let the Magic fail because they are called the “Magic” as in witches. G-Dog is not down with the witches I understand. Still that doesn’t explain why he didn’t command the Lakers to commit mass murder on the basket ball court.

    Why did he suffer those witches to live?

    What a let down.

  • Bill

    There was a comedian once with a great bit about “I blame our loss on Jesus. Everyone else gave 100%, but apparently the Lord thought he could just phone it in. There were several points in the game where a miracle would have won things for us…”

    Does anybody remember this skit and who performed it?

  • Reginald Selkirk

    But if there were a God, wouldn’t he have given us a championship series with Kobe vs. Lebron?

  • Frankie

    I heard God was busy watching a soccer game.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Meanwhile, in the world of hockey:

    Satan wins the Stanley Cup

  • littlejohn

    The Magic’s water mysteriously turned to wine, causing the team to become increasingly impaired. Jesus cheated.

  • anothermike

    The Scientologists are claiming that the Lakers won because ….. Oh, never mind.

  • Andrew C.

    Hey Howard, where’s your messiah now?

  • Miko

    If you’ll review the first link, I think you’ll find that he was already “called out” on this ahead of time.

  • I found myself cheering the Lakers very vociferously. Surprised my husband, he is he Basketball is my religion guy.

  • Elsin Ann Perry

    Hey! Wait! Isn’t Phil Jackson a Buddhist?! Now it all makes sense! Obviously Howard was counting on the wrong religion!

  • Brooke

    While it isn’t from anyone in the world of sports writers, at least someone is commenting:

    http://www.examiner.com/x-8071-Philadelphia-Critical-Thinking-Examiner~y2009m6d15-Lakers-defeat-Magic-and-God

  • Perhaps if God had prayed a little harder he would have won. Who knows?

  • The FSM’s ways are mysterious, indeed.

  • Jim

    @Dwight Howard: Where is your god now?

  • Julie

    If we had won the Cup, maybe I’d believe in God. But now I DEFINITELY don’t.

    (Joking. Kind of.)

  • Lee Ferrell

    Dwight (“superman” – typical Florida hyperbole). is so painfully young. WAhy van Gundy did not say the simple thing to him – keep the ball up high and away from defenders while setting up. He had the ball taken from him so often cuz God apparently told him, “OOOOO, you are so BIG. Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here, I can tell you.” Missing freethrows and demanding the ball from his mates.

    Over years of playing, studying, and watching the geme, Dwight is too rich and young not to make God-given me-first…, always eternal.

    Blah, blah.

  • Dori

    Wow – I always wondered how god could ignore things like genocide, starvation, natural disasters and the like – and not use his magic powers to prevent them. Now I get it! He’s busy! Otherwise engaged! He’s focusing his energy on predetermining the outcome of basketball games! and football games! and soccer games!