Another Reason to Avoid a Quiverfull of Children June 15, 2009

Another Reason to Avoid a Quiverfull of Children

I’ve always said: When babies attack you, you must attack back.

Imagine all 239423 of your children coming after you like this little hellion:

[Mother Hilary Wheeler] Miller also got a fat, black-and-blue lip when [son] Nicholas bit her as an infant. During a later roller-skating outing, he pulled her down and she shattered her right wrist, requiring a cast for two months. Miller also has been sickened with various illnesses that her son picked up at daycare, including strep throat, three rounds of pink eye, and a severe case of bronchitis that took months to treat.

“Never once did I imagine having a child would be hazardous to my health,” she says. Today, though, there’s an “ongoing saga of danger surrounding my life now that I have a child.”

My solution to this: Get the kids to go after each other; may the best baby win. (I’m going to make a great father one day.)

By the way, the lead picture on the MSNBC page is priceless.

(Thanks to Tony for the link!)


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • «bønez_brigade»

    Fight back, goddammit!

    [/for the lulz]

  • schism

    At some point, people will realize that babies are nothing more than civilization destroying health hazards that evolved solely because Mother Nature is a hateful bitch.

    Why you would advocate eating those little waste nozzles is completely beyond me. You might as well be dining on plague rats.

  • SarahH

    Ouch… and I thought the most physically painful part of having kids was the giving birth part!

  • Mary

    Definitely fight back! When we were kids, if we bit our mother, she would bite us back and say “See, how do YOU like it?” We learned our lessons well.

  • Will

    Thats nothing. I got my mom to break her leg and dislocate her knee in one try.

    I said mom come on you can climb on the monkey bars your only 40. And the rungs later I was in an ambulance with my mother in pain.

    She got me back later and took her half ounce of flesh later in life (literally).

  • matt

    i think my neighbor lady is competing to be the next octo-mom lol if the kids she has now dont kill her first…you know catholics, aids is bad but contraception is EVIL

  • allison

    Oh, yeah. I’ve got two boys. They still, at 5 and 8, charge at me for hugs when I pick them up from school. This continues to happen despite repeated requests that they stop. At least the oldest no longer takes the flying leap hoping to be caught mid-air for a snuggle.