What Would You Do with 72 Virgins? April 4, 2009

What Would You Do with 72 Virgins?

By Guest Contributor
April 4, 2009

Comedian Keith Lowell Jensen riffs on the Islamic notion of martyrs receiving 72 virgins in the afterlife… and the idea that you might actually get something else:

(Thanks to Ashley for the link!)

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  • Eliza

    Hmm, Hemant posted this but chose “Mike Clawson” as one of the categories to file it under.

    Mike, ya might wanna have a little talk with Hemant about that. 😉

  • Hmm, Hemant posted this but chose “Mike Clawson” as one of the categories to file it under.

    Whoops! Mike was next to Politics in the labels list 🙂

    All fixed.

  • Haha, funny. I like how there seems to be just as many people who view virginity as a horrible thing as there are people who view it as essential.

  • Eliza

    “this is not an entry level position” LOL

  • The whole 72 virgins in heaven is interesting on two levels.

    1st. Since heaven is supposed to last for eternity, the virginal status of these people would only last for an infinitesimally small amount of time from the perspective of eternity. I guess you could choose not to have sex with one forever, but then, what would be the point? If I were given 72 virgins, I dare say I wouldn’t have any virgins left after a couple of months.

    2nd (and perhaps even more profound)… If there are all these religious tests that must be passed to get to heaven, then what about those virgins themselves. Did they have to pass any tests? Or did God just create them to go directly to heaven without having to take any Earthly tests?

    see comic

    Of course, the 72 white raisins removes the 2nd theological difficulty. The 1st one would only be removed if you were given an endless supply of white raisons.

    In my opinion, the Muslims, Christians, and Jews need to complete re-write their holy books.

  • Jeff,
    Ha!
    The conflict of keeping one as a virgin just to have a virgin left is rife with comedic potential. I know there is a “have your cake and eat it too” joke here and I will set to work on it immediately. 🙂
    (I’m the comic in the clip.)

  • Eliza

    My favorite explanation is that the man’s in heaven (having been given 72 virgins), but the women are in hell (having been given to one man, for all eternity).

  • Christophe Thill

    I’m not an expert in that sort of things. But I seem to remember having read about the “72 virgins” being a mistranslation, and the “white raisins” being a rather rough approximation. The real meaning of the thing would be closer to “numerous precious jewels” or “countless blessings”.

  • Keith,

    I look forwrd to eventually seeing extra material on the 72 virgins. I can imagine you could come up with some very funny twists on kleeping one virgin forever in heaven.

    Or possibly with the ancient concept that 72 is so big that it is almost infinity…

    Jeff

  • I went to see Leon Redbone last night, and Keith was the opening act! I’ve actually seen him twice before, and he’s pretty funny.

  • Virgin seems to be a very difficult word to translate. Or is it that everything translates to virgin? White raisins, young woman, etc.

  • «bønez_brigade»

    @Keith,
    I also enjoyed that clip. Good stuff, indeed.

    ——

    @Jeff
    “In my opinion, the Muslims, Christians, and Jews need to complete re-write their holy books.”

    [insert Shatneresque “Nooooooo…!”]

    They’ll actually try (yes, try) to make the books make sense in light of today’s knowledge of the Universe — and in several hundred years, such nonsensical stories might actually be seen as credible & authentic. So, nope, no way. The original writers/scribes/translators all had their chance to make the texts logical, and they failed. Somewhere along the way, some of us got all enlightened n’ stuff, and we see right through their cloud of bibli-shit.

    Unless, of course, they want to re-write them in order to gain entrance into a literary Thunderdome, if you will, for the sole purpose of our [non-theist’s] entertainment.

  • «bønez_brigade»

    err, I mean, [non-theists’]

  • Fredrick

    Eliza, do you live in Sherman Texas?

  • Muslim Guy

    Sorry to disappoint everyone, but there is no such 72 virgins (or 72 anything) reference in the Quran.
    It comes from a quote attributed to Prophet Mohamed, but most scholars have concluded that it is not a reliable quote. In other words, more likely than not, it is nothing more than a fabrication.
    I’m not trying to convert anyone; I just don’t like this misperception.

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