Atheist Salt March 25, 2009

Atheist Salt

Remember that guy who created Christian Salt?

Retired barber Joe Godlewski says that when television chefs recommended kosher salt in recipes, he wondered, “What the heck’s the matter with Christian salt?”

By next week, his trademarked Blessed Christians Salt will be available from seasonings manufacturer Ingredients Corporation of America. It’s sea salt that’s been blessed by an Episcopal priest.

Well, there’s no need for atheists to feel left out.

We now have our own version:


It’s just like regular salt, but without any of that “blessed by an Episcopal priest” nonsense. And I assure you no rabbis came anywhere near this stuff either. It’s yummy, it’s tasty and it won’t burn your tongue simply for being a nonbeliever. Coming soon to a health foods store near you!

It’s just what we need when we eat our children.

(via Deeky at Shakesville)

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  • Jen

    This new Christian salt shows everything that is wrong with America in a shaker. And yet, I have to admire the guy that created it. If he is winking at the atheists (and I hope he is in on the joke) then he is going to make millions off of prejudice and an inability to read fine print.

  • Awww what a cute widdle Cthulhu!

  • stephanie

    Aww, I <3 the Cthulhu salt, but it should have said something about salts from the watery depths…

    Ya gotta love someone trying to make money off the American inability to distinguish kosher (k) from koshering, though. It’s very PT Barnum.

  • Michael

    Why does an octopus need an umbrella?

  • Ubi Dubium

    It’s Hello Cthulhu! But he’s missing his cute little bow to finish off the look.

  • BornAgainHeathen

    That is too cute! I give the Cthulhu salt 4/5 stars. 5/5 if they would have put the Cthulhu label on a package of sea salt.

    I don’t think people get why cooks like to use kosher salt. See, kosher salt has coarser grain and no additives, and it is preferred in cooking and curing kosher meats, that’s where the name comes from. According to kosher laws, when meat is being prepared, it must be rubbed with salt to remove the blood. Regular table salt, with it’s fine delicate grains, would quickly dissolve in the bloody meat. Coarse-grained salt stays put to soak up all that icky blood that god doesn’t want the Jews to eat. The salt, itself, has not been made according to kosher laws nor has it been blessed by a Rabbi; that’s a misunderstinding.
    Don’t use kosher salt for baking. Batter is not wet enough to dissolve the salt granules, so you’ll just end up with “salty zones” in your cookies. Use plain, iodized table salt for all your baking needs. Do use kosher salt in your salt-shaker and in fish/meat rubs, soups, stews, sauces, on top of bread sticks, on the rim of your margarita glasses, etc.
    [foodie soab-box] It irks me that the “Christian salt” Dude is reacting without actually finding out why cooks use kosher salt. There is a reason – use Google fer cryin out loud! Kosher salt is not the same thing as table salt + special woo. I know that the Atheist Salt is a joke, but please, guys, let’s try to ask questions instead of making assumptions. [/soap-box]

  • jasonorlandohawk

    Cthulu-atheist? Come on! We all know that Cthulu has cultists, just like any other dark creature capable of consuming the cosmos. I really don’t think Cthulu is the appropriate representative for Atheism…

    I’m afraid I can’t offer a ranking on this product. I’d say X/X Stars… but I just don’t think the Stars are Right for this product.

    *still brought a good laugh, though*

  • Christi

    From a culinary perspective, kosher salt is WAY better than “plain” salt. (Admittedly, I haven’t tried atheist salt) And is this jackass suggesting that any salt that isn’t kosher is, by default, christian?

  • stephanie

    jasonorlandohawk Says:

    I’m afraid I can’t offer a ranking on this product. I’d say X/X Stars… but I just don’t think the Stars are Right for this product.

    Ha! That made my day. 🙂

  • I wish the creator had been a little bit more careful in his Photoshopping. The text doesn’t curve around the jar like it should. Minor gripe maybe, but it would be the difference between chuckle and getting people googling to see if the thing’s real.

  • ziggy

    Does anyone else find it hilarious that the Christian salt guy’s last name should be pronounced “Godlesski”?

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