Friendly Atheist Contest #41: Atheists and Pants March 11, 2009

Friendly Atheist Contest #41: Atheists and Pants

Last time, I ran this contest:

Taking a cue from this list

Replace any word from the title of, or a line from, a book about atheism… with the word “Pants.”

For example, “The Pants Delusion” or “Atheism: The Case Against Pants.”

(If you use a line from a book, give us the name of the book and the page number!)

Here are the Top 10 answers (with submitters):


The Blind Pantsmaker — Richard Dawkins

(a parody of)



(In a reversal of the rules)

Sisterhood of the Traveling Atheists — Ann Brashares

(a parody of)



Expelled: No Pants Allowed

(a parody of)

(Andre Pena)


Atheist Manifesto: The Case Against Christianity, Judaism, and Pants — Michel Onfray

(a parody of)

(Shelley Mountjoy)


God Doesn’t Believe In Pants — Ray Comfort

(a parody of)

(The Science Pundit)


(In a reversal of the rules)

SpongeBob SquareAtheist

(a parody of)



Letting Go of Pants — Julia Sweeney

A memoir of how one woman learned to live without trousers, slacks, or britches.

(a parody of)



There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your pants.

This has the added benefit of possible sponsorship by Dockers.

(a parody of)

(Hank Bones)


There are no pants in foxholes.

(Enough said.)

(Reginald Selkirk)


Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Pants — Dale McGowan

(a parody of)

(Snuggly Buffalo)

Congratulations to the winners! The top three will be receiving specially-made Friendly Atheist wristbands (in the color of their choice), sent to me by blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni!


If you’d like to win your own wristband, here is the new contest:

What horrifying, frightening, shocking things take place inside this building…?


Funny and creative answers will have a shot at winning.

Good luck!

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • andrew

    Of course, its a baby meat grinding plant with the blood seeping through the wood.

    silly atheists should have used iron.

  • There’s probably no Atheist Station. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

  • Theists are disguising their churches in order to covertly gather information about the atheist agenda.

  • David D.G.

    What goes on in a building titled “Atheist Station”?

    In an extensive model railway setup, Thomas the Tank Engine discovers that there’s not really a Mr. Conductor.

    ~David D.G.

  • Leanstrum

    That sign on the side is written wrong. It should say “Pretend God is just”

  • David D.G.

    What horrifying, frightening, shocking things take place inside this building…?

    The answer is 42 — The Number of This Contest!

    ~David D.G.

  • You know when people stop you on the street and say “Have you found Jesus?”. Jesus knows those guys are looking for him, so he’s hiding out there. It’s the last place anyone would think to look for him.

  • It’s an obscure Bill and Ted reference. The creator of the “good robot us’s” was an atheist.


    They are making robot replacements for religious leaders throughout the world and setting them to gradually become more reasonable and secular. The new robot US president is a significant improvement over the flesh puppet you had for the past 8 years.

  • Remember the first rule of the Atheist Station: You don’t talk about the Atheist Station.

    But I’m sure it involves PZ Myers feeding Ray Comfort to a tank full of squid.

  • Noodle

    I don’t know, but I’m sure that at least the food is better than those crappy bread cookie things they serve at the Christian Station.

  • …The Aristocrats!

  • Absolutely nothing happens.

  • David D.G.

    Skeptical sheep keep themselves from being fleeced.

    (In Australia, what we would call a sheep ranch is called a “sheep station.”)

    ~David D.G.

  • Doug Stewart

    They’re probably reciting their own version of the Pledge of Allegiance:

    “I pledge atheism to the blog of the Friendly Atheists of America, and to the red brick on which it stands: one Station undoing God, the invisible, with Hilarity and Jesting for all.”

  • Polly

    This STATION is run by the Devil himself to gather all you heathens into the express train to Hell!

  • kat

    lol at teleprompter

  • Atheist Station: We Don’t Believe in Trains, Either.

  • kat


  • sc0tt

    “My God – it’s full of stars”

  • Indigo

    “Fill ‘er up, Jed. I’ll take a tank of premium unleaded doubt.”

  • weaves

    Stem Cell research and the creation of a dead-baby monster that shoots dead babies.

  • infideljoe

    They give christians enemas with holy water.

  • David D.G.

    They give christians enemas with holy water.

    Nah, we’re friendly atheists, remember? And with friends like us, they don’t need enemas. ;^D

    ~David D.G.

  • It’s where the train stops at Athei Street.

  • Atheist Station – An all-you-can eat fast food baby restaurant.

    Kids go free!

  • It’s the place where all atheists go to lose their pants.

  • Ubi Dubius

    No! It’s a trap! When an atheist, thinking he has found a haven for his life of debauchery, walks through the door, holy water automatically sprinkles on his head, immediately baptising him, filling his heart with the holy spirit! Within minutes, he is tithing, proselytizing, and being an all around jerk.

  • A large train engine sits inside, quietly saying to itself, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”, while, at the same time, a snarky atheist sits in the rafters quietly answering each line with, “Trains can’t think, trains can’t think, trains can’t think….”

  • Weemaryanne

    If I told them once I told them a hundred times, “If you’re going to breed babies for stewing then you really ought to paint the building in some inconspicuous color.”

    But would anybody listen to me? — oh, nooooo…..

  • > What horrifying, frightening, shocking things take place inside this building…?

    Well, if their website is any indication, they’re doing a Large Type Readers Digest edition of The God Delusion.

  • Emily

    It’s a secret athiest factory that is ran by radical, baby-eating, devil worshipping heathens. They steal babies, run them through extremely painful machines that turn them into world hating, angry people who want to stop Christmas. And the ones that don’t make the cut, get sent to their sister plant and are turned into right-wing extremists (although I can’t specify how they do it, but it does have something to do with priests with pedophilic tendencies).

  • When you see a train, do you think that it could have appeared suddenly or do you think it was made? If a train has a maker then so must the atheist. The atheist station is where we build them.

  • Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Pants

    Thanks, I peed meself. Fortunately, no pants.

  • Jason R

    What horrifying, frightening, shocking things take place inside this building…?

    Unadulterated Reality. Pretty scary huh?

  • Developing new embryonic stem cell lines.

    You can NOW get government funding for this activity!!!

  • It’s empty, just like our souls.

  • They gather around a pentagram and tell scary science stories.

  • Ubi Dubius

    It’s empty, just like our souls.

    I think Yuri has a winner here. I can imagine Lewis Black shouting it on The Daily Show.

  • Bleatmop

    Atheist zombies open minds of unsuspecting innocents…


  • AxeGrrl

    hoverfrog said:

    When you see a train, do you think that it could have appeared suddenly or do you think it was made?

    This reminds me of a joke……

    At the train station, a little boy goes up to the conductor and asks “Mr. Conductor, if big cows make baby cows and big people make baby people, why don’t big trains make baby trains?”

    The conductor replies: “Well, little boy, We’re Amtrak, we always pull out on time.”


  • AxeGrrl

    Subversive drinking parties hosted by Rebecca Watson…..

    where participants celebrate being ‘on the wrong side of the tracks’ 🙂

  • It is a ticket booth to nowhere. 😉

  • JB

    It’s obviously the meeting place for the hardcore, radical, left-wing, liberal, god-hating, nazi-loving, baby-eating, in-the-minority atheists to hammer out their agenda to destroy the country, which they’ll then pass on to Barack Obama so he can force it on the majority.
    (I hear they also rent it out on the side as a whorehouse/gay wedding chapel.)

  • Ida

    What is going on in that red house: Celibacy!

  • Probably all the above! Those who will be offended, will be offended. Those of us who are unbelievers, will be blessed by the the knowledge of reason and the REAL TRUTH!

  • newbee

    It obviously is a laboratory where atheist scientists struggle to gene-manipulate bananas, to get bananas in a form, which doesn’ fit into the palm of your hands so perfectly!!

  • Travis Friess

    Atheist Station. Babies go in… McDonald’s Secret Sauce comes out.

  • godfree

    Zeus only knows what goes on behind those closed doors.

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