Jesus is Everywhere March 8, 2009

Jesus is Everywhere

By Guest Contributor
March 8, 2009

Pareidolia strikes again. Repeatedly.

Do news programs really have nothing better to report on…?

Humanity has disappointed me yet again.

Don’t forget, the comprehensive Jesus Sightings list is at Cynical-C Blog.

(via Atheist Media Blog)

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  • “It’s amazing that God would take just a little rock and make a miracle out of it.”

    So THAT’S why so many bad things happen in the world: Darfur, AIDS, cancer, tragedies, etc.

    He’s too busy making sure we see him in Cheetos and rocks.

  • Jesse

    “There was no ice in the ice machine, and then one day there was, it must be Jesus!”

    Not and exact quote, but pretty close… I dont understand people sometimes, sure a kit if the stuff did look like the image most people think is Jesus, but is it a sign? Yes its a sign of stupidity of those who believe that Cheesus is sending a message through a snack food.

  • Shane

    “Jesus on a stick” FTW.

    Yeah, the human race is doomed.

  • Cheetos, grilled cheese, salsa, danishes, cinnamon buns, waffles, pancakes, ice cream… Cheesus, I’m hungry.

  • Eliza

    Weird thing is, it’s not actually Jesus they’re all seeing.

    It’s this guy.

    *Shrug* White guy, beard, long hair – they all look the same. The mistake in identification is understandable.

  • P

    I.Just.Don’t.Get.People.

    I saw Tony Danza in my omelette! HE WAS THERE!!! AND HE IZ THE BOSSS!!!!1!!!elevenhundred!!!

    Seriously people. What century is this?

  • *facepalm*

    Some people just need constant supervision for their own safety and the safety of others.

  • Kyle

    Should I upload my own version? I have sighted his holiness in the bathroom my parents redid.

    Seriously.

  • Rest

    Please excuse me while I bang my head against a wall. Repeatedly.

  • Luther Weeks

    I saw a mop that looked just like the FSM. And a messed up ball of string or was that some snagged fishing line? Proof positive!

  • Jared

    Oh Jesus tap dancig Christ what has our world come to?

  • This made my brain hurt. Really, *really* bad.

  • Richard Wade

    The funniest and saddest part of this was watching the several newscasters who seemed to be just barely able to keep themselves from shouting “THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT! I DIDN’T STUDY JOURNALISM TO BABBLE IDIOTIC CRAP LIKE THIS! I WANTED TO BE A REPORTER! JESUS IN JUNK FOOD AND RUSTY SINKS?! GIVE ME A FRIKKIN’ BREAK! I QUIT! I’M GOING BACK HOME AND I’LL WRITE FOR THE BUGTUSSLE BUGLE, AND IF THEY TRY TO MAKE ME WRITE ONE OF THESE GOD-IN-A-GREASEBALL STORIES, I’LL BURN THE PLACE DOWN!”

    Take heart, my honest, earnest friend. Some day you’ll be able to report your true and important stories, write of your heart’s highest and lowest moments, tell the tale that must be told. Your book is growing deep within you, page by page.

  • Stephie

    It’s not Jeebus, it’s TED NEUGENT!! =_= I really want some cheetos now… Are these people really the majority??

  • 3D

    The best part for me was the part near the end, where the two newsmodels are talking about the inane story they just covered, and they go,

    “I don’t see her.”
    “I don’t see her either. But it’s still a good story!”
    “Yeah, it’s still a good story.”

    I am probably in the minority here, because I actually think it’s good when the news covers stuff like this. It is the only time that religious kookery gets covered for what it is, and ridiculed openly.

    Even if the reporters and anchors hold back from assassinating it with both barrels, they are kind of snickering over it, and that’s better than what you usually get with anything religion-related, which is total reverence and awe.

  • Pseudonym

    Oh Jesus tap dancig Christ what has our world come to?

    You wouldn’t be mocking if you’d seen a tap dancing Christ on your pancake.

  • teacup treehouse

    If Jesus was Hitler than we’d be seeing Hitler all over the place, but then that would scare the shit out of people. So maybe, just maybe, they would stop imagining that Jesus was IN THEIR FRICKING ICE MACHINES.

  • opivy028

    “think of how stupid the average person is. now realize half are stupider than that.”

    these people belong to that lower half.

    this makes me want to start a business. i’m gonna carve, draw, burn, photoshop etc the widely accepted, blatantly inaccurate images of what people think to be jesus and mary into random shit, then sell it. then take that money and start producing jewel encrusted bibles and selling them at astronomical prices. then use that money to buy the closest plot of land to jerusalem and start a jewish cemetary. and sell the edge of that land to muslims who want to build a wall between said dead jews and their “holy” land. i will be a very wealthy man in a relatively short period of time, and my ice machine will function because of this miracle idea which god has bestowed on me so that i have enough disposable income to hire someone to fix my ice machine.

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