Friendly Atheist Contest #40: How Obama Will Reach Out to Atheists February 17, 2009

Friendly Atheist Contest #40: How Obama Will Reach Out to Atheists

Last time, I ran this contest:

Barack Obama has taken a presidential oath without a Bible. He mentioned non-believers in his Inaugural Address.

In what way will President Obama reach out to atheists next?

Here are the Top 3 answers (with submitters):


In an effort to balance faith-based initiatives, becomes eligible for federal grants.



His administration’s position towards “faith-based initiatives” will be “abstinence only”.



I’m afraid it won’t be quite as rosy as many of you depict… you think he’s closing Gitmo? He’s just making space….

(J Myers)

Congratulations to the winners! The top three will be receiving specially-made Friendly Atheist wristbands (in the color of their choice), sent to me by blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni!


If you’d like to win your own wristband, here is the new contest:

Taking a cue from this list

Replace any word from the title of, or a line from, a book about atheism… with the word “Pants.”

For example, “The Pants Delusion” or “Atheism: The Case Against Pants.”

(If you use a line from a book, give us the name of the book and the page number!)

Funny and creative answers will have a shot at winning.

Good luck!

Browse Our Archives

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Do blogs count?

    If so, I think “Friendly Pants” has to be at the top of the list.

    (Although “Daylight Pants” has a certain charm to it as well.)

    But I think if we’re going to go with book titles, the absolute best has to be:

    “Pants: The Failed Hypothesis.”

  • Ty

    Carl Sagan: The Demon Haunted Pants

  • Kate

    The Little Book of Pants Spirituality.

  • Expelled: No Pants Allowed

  • Oh, let’s see if we can do some more.

    “Pants Are Not Great: How Clothing Poisons Everything.”

    “The End of Pants.”

    “Pantsless: How an Evangelical Preacher Became One of America’s Leading Nudists.”

    “Why People Wear Weird Pants.”

    And this is a stretch, but it’s making me giggle:

    The Bertrand Russell classic, “Why I Am Not a Tailor.”

  • Trevor

    I Don’t Believe in Pants, by Chris Hedges

  • Tarrkid

    “The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Pants”

  • Tarrkid

    “The Atheist’s Bible: An Illustrious Collection of Irreverent Pants”

    “Why I Rejected Pants: A Former Apologist Explains”

  • How about a favorite quote?

    “The fool hath said in his heart, there are no pants.”

  • Tarrkid

    “God’s Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question–Why Pants Suffer”

    That’s enough for now.

  • Darwin’s Dangerous Pants by Daniel Dennett

  • This may not count as an atheist book, but it is written by an atheist, so maybe it counts:

    Death from the Pants!: These Are the Ways the Slacks Will End…
    by Phil Pleat

  • Wes

    “Pants: A History” by Jennifer Michael Hecht

    “The Pants of Reason” by Thomas Paine

    “Living Without Pants: Eupantsophy” by Paul Kurtz

    “Sense & Goodness Without Pants: A Defense of Metaphysical Naturalism” by Richard Carrier

    “Farewell to Pants: My Reasons for Rejecting the Christian Pants” by Charles Templeton

    “The Pantsable Atheist: Essential De-Pantsings for the Nonbeliever” by Christopher Hitchens

    “50 Reasons People Give for Pants” by Guy P. Harrison

    “I Don’t Have Enough Pants to Be an Atheist” by Norman L. Geisler, Frank Turek, and David Limbaugh

  • Tarrkid

    Darwin?! Of course!

    “On the Origin of Pants”

  • Tarrkid

    Oh gosh, Darwin is a goldmine!

    “The Descent of Pants”

    “The Voyage of the Pants”

    “Pants in Relation to Sex”

    “The Expression of Emotions in Man and Pants”

    “The Power of Movement in Pants”

    “The Formation of Vegetable Mould Through the Action of Pants”

    “Insectivorous Pants”

    “On the various contrivances by which British and foreign pants are fertilised by insects”

  • “Pants: A Philosophical Justification” by Michael Martin (replaced the word Atheism)

    “Why I Rejected Pants: A Former Apologist Explains” by John W. Loftus (replaced the word Christianity -I think someone said this one already)

    “God Is Not Great: How Religion Pantses Everything” by Christopher Hitchens (Replaced the word Poisons. To “pants” as a verb in this case would be to pull someone’s pants down as a prank.)

  • noodleguy

    Women Without Superstition : No Gods – No Pants

    Included the link in case you doubted.

    That title sounds juicy though… 😉

  • Godless: How a Pantless Preacher Became One of America’s Leading Atheists. 😉

    God Doesn’t Believe in Pants: Proof That the Pant Doesn’t Exist

    The Atheist’s Way: Living Well without Pants

    Why I became an Atheist: A Former Preacher Rejects Pants

    Is Christianity Good for the Pants?

    Atheist Manifesto: The Case Against Christianity, Judaism, and Pants

    and, saving the best for last…
    I sold my pants on e-bay.

  • It’s not an atheist book, but it’s written by an atheist author:

    Gödel, Escher, Pants: An Eternal Golden Slack.

    Yeah, I push that book a lot on here. :shrug:

  • vivian

    How about “Freedom from Pants Foundation”, working to protect the constitutional separation of state and pants.

    “Beware of Pants” (cd by Dan Barker “Beware of Dogma”)

    I think we should change ‘In God We Trust’ to ‘In Pants We Trust’, at least it’d be closer to the truth for some of us.

  • ‘The Blind Pantsmaker’ – Richard Dawkins

    ‘Pants to a Christian Nation’ – Sam Harris

  • Ethics without Pants (by Kai Nelson)

  • “The Dark Side: How Evangelical Pants Corrupt Love and Truth”
    By Valerie Tarico

  • “The Impossibility of Pants” edited by Michael Martin and Ricki Monnier.

    “Pants Defenders: What They Believe and Why They Are Wrong” by S. T. Joshi.

    “Why Pants?” by George H. Smith.

    “Pants? A Debate Between a Christian and an Atheist” by William Lane Craig and Walter Sinnott-Armstrong.

    “Everything You Know About Pants Is Wrong: The Disinformation Guide to Pants” edited by Russ Kick.

  • Reginald Selkirk
  • Reginald Selkirk

    From Conservapedia:

    There are different types of pants, based on different answers to the follwoing questions…
    Manifestations of Pants
    Attempts to Dilute the Definition of Pants
    Biblical Statements Regarding Pants
    Claims of the Conditionality and Nonconditionality of Pants
    Pants and Communism
    Pants and Mass Murder
    Pants in America and Charity
    Pants and Immoral Views
    Pants and Miracles
    Pants and Questions of Origins
    Pants and Mental and Physical Health
    Pants and Deception
    Modern Proponents of Pants and Deception
    Decline of Pants as an Intellectual Position
    Liberal Media – Apostles of Pants
    Reasonable Explanations for Pants
    Pants and the Existence of Evil
    Pants and the Foundation of Modern Science
    Impact of the New Pants
    Pants and the Bible
    Targeting of Young People by Pants on the Internet
    Denials that Pants Exist

  • Reginald Selkirk

    (Quotes taken from Conservapedia)

    Pants is a disease of the soul before it becomes an error of understanding – Plato

    If there were no God there would be no pants – G.K. Chesterton

    Pants are a crutch for those who cannot bear the reality of God – Tom Stoppard

    A pants is a man who believes himself an accident – Francis Thompson

    To be a pants requires an indefinitely greater measure of faith than to receive all the great truths which pants would deny – Joseph Addison

    Among the repulsions of pants for me has been its drastic un-interestingness as an intellectual position – John Updike

    The habit of arguing in support of pants, whether it be done from conviction or in pretense, is a wicked and impious practice – Marcus Tullius Cicero

  • weaves

    “You Can Lead Pants to Evidence but You Can’t Make (them) Think” Ray Comfort

  • Pants: Something to Believe In – Nica Lalli

  • Reginald Selkirk

    I contend that we are both pants… – Stephen Roberts

  • Reginald Selkirk

    I’m a polypants – there are many gods I don’t believe in – Dan Fouts

  • Reginald Selkirk

    There are no pants in foxholes.

  • Just one more.

    “His Dark Pants Trilogy: The Golden Pants, The Subtle Pants, The Amber Pants” by Philip Pullman.

    Or three, depending on how you see it 😀

  • If ignorance of Nature gave birth to pants, then knowledge of Nature is calculated to destroy them.
    – Baron d’Holbach

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Pants leaves a man to sense, to philosophy, to natural piety, to laws, to reputation – Francis Bacon

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Properly read, the bible is the most potent force for pants ever conceived. – Isaac Asimov

  • Reginald Selkirk

    No philosophy, no religion, has ever brought so glad a message to the world as this good news of Pants. – Annie Wood Besant

  • The Invisible Pink Pants

    Russell’s Pants

    The Flying Pants Monster

    The Pants Spaghetti Monster

    “Two men panting do more good than a thousand kneeled in prayer”. – proverb

    “Pants are the opiate of the masses” — Karl Marx.

    “Men will never be truly free until the last despot is strangled with the pants of the last priest” – Dennis Diderot

  • Kc

    The newest bus advertisement:

    “There’s probably no pants. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”

  • Reginald Selkirk

    The Cambridge Companion to Pants – Michael Martin, ed.

    Pied Piper of Pants: Phillip Pullman and Children’s Fantasy – Pete Vere, Sandra Miesel, and Carl Olson

    Pants: A Philosophical Justification – Michael Martin

    Everything You Know About Pants is Wrong – Neil Gaiman, Richard Dawkins, and Russ Kick

    The Necessity of Pants – Percy Bysshe Shelley

    Pants in Our Time – Ignace Lepp

    Pants as a Positive Social Force – Raymond W. Converse

    Women and Pants: The Ultimate Liberation – Madalyn M. O’Hair

    Pants in Pagan Antiquity – A.B. Drachmann

    A History of Pants in Britain: From Hobbes to Russell – David Berman

    The Presumption of Pants – (the young) Antony Flew

    Pants in France – Alan Charles Kors

    The Impossibility of Pants – Michael Martin and Ricki Monnier

  • Richard Wade

    Pascal’s Pants (or You Bet Your Britches)

    Pantsless by Ann Coulter

    blog: The Friendly Pants

    Blog: Pharyngula: Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a pantsless liberal.

    Video: Ray Comfort: “Behold, the atheist’s nightmare, pants!” (Is that a banana in your pants or are you just an atheist?)

  • beckster

    Philosophers Without Pants

  • mike

    I Sold my Pants on Ebay

  • 4oz of reason

    To reverse one of the examples-
    Pants: the Case Against God.

  • The holey pants. (The Holy bible)
    The new pants. (the New Testament)
    The old pants. (the Old Testament)
    The Virgin Pants. (the Virgin Mary)
    The Father, the Son, and the holey pants.

    (These aren’t books about atheism, but they are good arguments for atheism).

  • flatlander100

    It’s reversing the rules, I know, but I kind of like “Sisterhood of the Traveling Atheists.”

  • “For removing from me the fear of pants, I am grateful to atheism.” – Isaac Asimov

  • God Doesn’t Believe In Pants by Ray Comfort

  • Nicole

    Not sure how many of these have already been used, but:
    Pants Wrote the Bible?
    Atheism Advanced: Further Pants of a Freethinker
    A Call to Sanity: The Collision Between the Existence of Pants and the Non-Existence of Pants from a Rational Atheistic Perspective
    The Atheists are Pants (or, The Pants are Revolting)
    Atheist Universe: The Thinking Person’s Answer to Christian Pants

  • jessie74

    “Pants: A Fairy Tale for Nudists” by Ray Comfort

    “irreligion: A Mathematician Explains Why The Arguments For Pants Just Don’t Add Up” by John Allen Paulos

  • Douglas Adams: “Isn’t it enough to see that pants are beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies in the bottom?”

  • Scott LIchtenstein

    John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his [pants]…”

  • “Letting Go of Pants”- Julia Sweeney

    A memoir of how one woman learned to live without trousers, slacks, or britches.

  • Kc

    “When a man is freed of pants, he has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life.” – Sigmund Freud

  • nowoo

    “A wise man proportions his pants to the evidence.” – David Hume (1711-1776)

    “It is impossible to reason someone out of pants that he did not reason himself into in the first place.” – Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)

  • belongsomewhere

    Freetailors: A History of American Pants by Susan Jacoby

    The Pants of American Unreason by Susan Jacoby

    No Pants: Something to Believe In by Nica Lalli

    The Pants of Faith by Sam Harris

    Letter to (a) Christian Pants by Sam Harris

  • JB

    The Twilight of Atheism: The Rise and Fall of pants in the Modern World.

    – Alister McGrath

  • I Sold My Pants on eBay
    50 Pants People Give for Believing in a God
    50 Reasons Pants Give for Believing in a God
    God is not Pants

  • You Can Lead An Atheist To Pants

    Featuring videos from Pants Condell.

  • “It is interesting to contemplate a tangled bank, clothed with many pants of many kinds…”
    -Charles Darwin, On the Origin of Species

    “In the beginning pants were created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
    -Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

    Technically, I suppose neither of those are atheist books, so here’s one more.

    “The pants of the Old Testament are arguably the most unpleasant in all fiction…”
    -Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion, pg 31

  • Steve

    Pants: The Failed Hypothesis: How Science Shows That Pants Do Not Exist (by Victor J. Stenger)

  • Random Pants

    NOVA – Judgement Day: Pants on Trial

  • Random Pants

    Pants lead you to killing people

  • Hank Bones

    1) The first line from “Pants and Morals” by B. Russell: “Many people tell us that without belief in pants a man can be neither happy nor virtuous.”

    2) There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your pants. (this has the added benefit of possible sponsorship by Dockers)

  • Random Pants

    It’s pants all the way down.

  • Richard Wade

    The Pants that Weren’t There a film by Brian Flemming

  • Epistaxis

    naturalism (noun) –
    the view of the world that takes account only of natural elements and forces, excluding pants.

  • “Breaking the Pants” by Daniel Dennett

    “Losing My Pants” by R.E.M. (not atheist, but still…)

    “Pants are regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful” – Seneca the Younger

    “Belief in the supernatural represents a failure of the pants” – Edward Abbey

    “What can be asserted without pants, can be dismissed without pants” – Christopher Hitchens

    “What has been Christianity’s fruits? Superstition, Bigotry, and Pants.” – James Madison

  • Vincent

    The Missionary Position: Pants in Theory and Practice – Christopher Hitchens

  • vivian

    -“I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own pants.” – Susan B. Anthony

    -“I’m a polypantist – there are many pants I don’t believe in.” – Dan Fouts

    -“Pants does three things quite effectively: Divides people, Controls people, Deludes people.” – Carlespie Mary Alice McKinney

    -“Pants is a non-prophet organization.” – George Carlin

    -“To really be free, You need to be free in the pants.” – Alexander Loutsis

    Some words from some great atheists!!! And one phrase from a not-so-great book.

    -“On the first day, God created pants.”

  • vivian

    oops, I meant “On the first day, pants created man.”

  • God Is Not Pants: How Religion Poisons Everything

    The End of Pants

    Deliver Us From Pants (documentary about pants-less Catholic Priests)

    Jesus Pants

    Soldiers in the Army of Pants

    “Faith is believing in what you know ain’t pants.” -Mark Twain

    “If you want to save your child from pants, you can pray or you can inoculate….Try science.”
    -Carl Sagan (The Demon-Haunted World)

    “To argue with a person who has renounced the use of pants is like administering medicine to the dead.”
    -Thomas Paine

    Pants Of All Evil

  • Snuggly Buffalo

    “Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Pants”

  • Richard Wade

    Billboards and bus ads:

    Imagine no pants.

    Evolve beyond pants.

    Don’t believe in pants? You are not alone.

    Why believe in a god? Just wear pants for goodness sake.

    You can be good without pants.

    The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in pants.

  • Ollie

    Letting Go Of Pants (Julia Sweeney)

  • Another reverse:
    Sponge Bob Square Atheist

  • “Treatise on the Pants” by H.L. Mencken.

    “Letters from the Pants” by Mark Twain

  • Arnaud

    Page 3 from George Smith’s Atheism: The Case Against God: “Pants [are] probably the least popular – and least understood – philosophical position in America today.”

  • The Science of Discworld: Darwin’s Pants.

  • Bill M.

    I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my (enemies) pants ridiculous. And God granted it. — Voltaire

    This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no (religion) pants in it. – John Adams

    I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no (holidays) pants. – Henny Youngman

    (Lighthouses) Pants are more helpful than churches. – Benjamin Franklin

    I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved – (the Cross) Pants. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced! — John Adams, in a letter to Thomas Jefferson

    No philosophy, no religion, has ever brought so glad a message to the world as this good news of (Atheism) pants. – Annie Wood Besant

  • Wendy

    Michel Onfray: In Defense of Pants

  • “In the beginning were the Pants, and the Pants were with God, and the Pants were God.” John 1:1

    Robert Ingersoll: “Some Mistakes of Pants”

    Thomas Paine: “The Age of Pants”

    Sam Harris: “Letter to a Pants Nation”

  • Indigo

    Mysticism and Pants, by Bertrand Russell
    Dialogs Concerning Natural Pants, by David Hume
    Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Pants and A Critique of Practical Pants, by Immanuel Kant (this one is debatable, I suppose, but Kant was at the least an unconventional theist by the mores of his time)
    Pants: or, All For the Best, by Voltaire
    God Emperor of Pants, by Frank Herbert
    Pants, the Universe, and Everything, by Douglas Adams
    Pants Omens, by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

  • Matt

    Pantsing My Religion: How I Pantsed My Faith Reporting on Religion in America-and Found Unexpected Peace

  • JimboB

    The Incredible Shrinking Pants of Man by Robert M Price.

    Deconstructing Pants by Robert M Price

    By This Time His Pants Stinketh: The Attempts of William Lane Craig to Exhume Jesus (1997) an essay by Robert M. Price

    …one more?

    Jesus Christ SuperPants: A Redactional Study of a Modern Gospel by Robert M Price

  • Sean

    The Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for Pants

  • angelikapaparika

    women & pants: the ultimate liberation (replaced atheism) by madalyn m. o’hair
    mere atheism: no pants…no problem! (replaced gods) by george a. ricker

  • “The Portable Pants: Essential Leggings for the Pantless” by Christopher Hitchens

  • Random Pants

    Psalm 14:1

    The fool hath said in his heart: “There are no pants”

  • The pants have become repetitious, because people haven’t been reading every pant posted.

  • Life, Sex, and Ideas: The Good Life Without Pants – A.C. Grayling

    The Born-Again Skeptic’s Guide to Pants – Ruth Hurmence Green

    Losing Faith in Pants: From Preacher to Nudist – Dan Barker

    When Pants Become Evil – Charles Kimball

    The Happy Pants- Judith Hayes

    Against All Pants – A.C. Grayling

  • The church of jesus christ the pantless. From Slapstick, by the late great Vonnegut.

  • Guy

    Startling Revelations From the Lost Pants (Book) of Stan.
    Hillarious spoof of old testament in Beware of God, by Shalom Auslander.

  • Clytia

    Nietzsche: “Away with such Pants! Rather no Pants, rather make one’s fate on one’s own account, rather be a fool, rather be Pants oneself! (Thus spoke Zarathustra – p.228 of Oxford World Classics Graham Parkes translation)

    “Pants is dead!” – p. 11 of the same

    “I love him who chastens his Pants because he loves his Pants” – p. 14

    “I have long known that the Pants would trip me up. Now he is dragging me off to Hell” – p. 17

    “Ah, brothers, this Pants that I created was humans’-work and -madness, just like all Pants!” – p. 27

    “Yes, if you were Pants, then you could be ashamed of your clothes!” – p.49

    “God too has his Pants” – p. 77

    ah the joys of studying Nietzsche 🙂

  • Living Without Pants: New Directions for Atheists, Agnostics, Secularists, and the Undecided by Ronald Aronson

  • I Don’t Have Enough Pants to be an Atheist, by Norman L. Geisler and Frank Turek.

  • Ben

    The Devil’s Pants By Richard Dawkins

  • QueenSlartibartfast

    From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (if you think this isn’t a book about atheism, I’d be happy to try to persuade you, I have many reasons for my belief):

    “Pants. Don’t talk to me about pants.”

    (A play on Martin the Robot’s line.)


    Arthur Dent: I’m sorry, did you just say you needed my pants?
    Fook: Yes, to complete the program.
    Arthur Dent: Well, you can’t have them, I’m using them!


    (to Zaphod)
    “Can we drop your pants for a moment? This is important.”

error: Content is protected !!