All Your Religions Are False February 11, 2009

All Your Religions Are False

By Guest Contributor
February 11, 2009

All the religions are false, says Joel Grus.

He spoke about damn near every religion — including Jedi-ism, Messianic Judaism, and Singularitarianism — at the recent BIL (Benevolence. Illuminating. Logic.) conference in Long Beach, CA.

He likes Joel Osteen, too 🙂

The talk is hilarious. Enjoy!








(Thanks to Lexi, the speaker wrangler for BIL, for the link!)

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  • SarahH

    Best summary of Christianity EVAR at the 5:58 mark on the first half!

    The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your lord and master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

    Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  • Wim

    “One man’s religion is another man’s belly laugh.”
    Robert A. Heinlein

  • inkadu

    I would love to watch it, but the video makes me overcome with both nausea and a desire to beat the camerman.

    Is there another vid of the same talk?

  • mikespeir

    What I could understand of it was funny, but I couldn’t make out some of what were clearly, as evidenced by the laughter, the best lines.

  • Wait, you mean Jedi-ism is fake? Whoda thunk.

  • Luke Skywalker

    SHIT!!!! Years of training with Master Yoda WASTED!

    Oh GREAT. It was a fucking puppet all along. I THOUGHT he sounded too much like Miss Piggy!

  • To talk about the falseness of religions, who better suited than the priests?
    I was thrilled about this interview in Norway’s biggest newspaper. It’s called “Prest eller kolera”. In Norwegian, prest is priest, and pest is plague so I reckon you get the pun there.
    Basically he claims that most of the bible is not true, and not facts. To him, Christianity has to be interpreted into our time, and to him this means that the best of the ethics of Jesus is the essence of it. Christianity should be about love and hope, he says. He’s been time and time again criticized from the church authorities in Norway. The last weeks he’s become most known for the Arne Næss (Norway’s most famous recent philosopher) funeral. It was to be shown on TV and the family had refused any Christian message to come through during the funeral. So he didn’t mention God anywhere during a funeral. I guess you need guts for that.
    This priest also claims that 95 % of his colleagues are just as skeptic as him but that they dare not stand up for their believes. Good Christian Man!

    Try to run the interview through a Babelfish if interested! 🙂

    http://www.dagbladet.no/2009/02/08/magasinet/pa_tomannshand/kirken/4723612/

  • bigjohn756

    The sound quality is terrible. I am hard of hearing so I can make out very little of what he is saying. The video is nauseating. I could watch for only a few seconds. Also, the video is so close that the screen behind the speaker cannot be read.

    I would love to see it presented in a comprehensive form.

  • Ugh. The person behind the camera did not know how to film a talk. I couldn’t watch past a minute.

  • Yeah, to film these things, one should put the video camera on a tripod and let it be. I couldn’t watch it either. Perhaps I will just listen to it with the screen turned off.

  • Amy

    I agree..I really wish this had been filmed further back and with a tripod. Otherwise..pretty dang funny.

  • Hey everybody, this is a “bootleg” video that someone took from the front row. There’s an official video too (with a fixed camera and real sound), but I don’t think it’s uploaded yet. I’ll let Hemant know when I find it.

  • Siamang

    Cool Joel! I can’t wait for the real one, and I’m interested in your forthcoming book!

  • Tony

    To hell with my atheism, I’m a Jedi, and proud of it! Not proud to be married and celibate, but still…..well….mostly proud, I guess….where’s my lightsaber??

  • funny.. but worst video job .. ever

  • Revyloution

    Luke Skywalker, if you think Yoda sounded like Ms Piggy, I have a creepy moment for you.

    Dig up old Sesame Street. The Yoda voice is recycled from Grover. Even some of the odd sentence structures.

  • Ryom

    i kinda feel sad for mister Joel Grus. that he has nothing better to do with his time than pick on other peoples religion, why would any sane man spend his time on such a thing ? of course religions have their bad sides, but the point is it brings peace and love to millions of people all over the world, whether they are Jews Christians or Muslims. so mister Joel Grus… go work for Red Cross, Doctors without Borders, or some other goodwill organization… instead of taking the dreams of good and honest people.

  • Wendy

    Great talk!! I would’ve loved to have been there in person.

    “Your right to practice your religion ends at the beginning of my right to… mercilessly mock you!”

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