The Perfect Christian Body February 7, 2009

The Perfect Christian Body

If you’re offended by this, then I’ll just say it was drawn by a Christian pastor, David Hayward:


Some of this is painfully honest — nice to see a Christian admitting some of the flaws within his own community. Some of it, even I think goes too far — not all Christians are hypocritical and sexless.

Now I wonder: What characteristics would the “perfect atheist” possess?

(via nakedpastor)

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  • Dutch

    Funny cartoon…

    A perfect atheist would have a large empty skull to hopefully contain his overblown ego. The peanut sized brain is all that is needed to contemplate the material world.

    Same bulbous knees to worship at the altar of science.

    A large anus to get out all the BS

    eyes on tentacles to allow admiration of self

    long arms to push away evidence contrary to formed opinion – same long arms to allow self backpatting.

    long neck in order to hide large head underground, which will enable atheist to hide from facts.

    Big ass in order to sit and contemplate instead of getting out and helping humanity.

  • Epistaxis


    Big ass in order to sit and contemplate instead of getting out and helping humanity.

    Hey, bulbous knees have the same effect.

  • Dutch

    You think?

  • Takma’rierah

    GiGANtic eyes to search out any anti-nonreligious sentiment. Same with the ears.

    Embedded speakers to rehash the same explanations over and over again.

    Strong back muscles to aid in wincing.

  • inkadu

    Ferengi are the perfect Christians?

    That does explain a lot.

  • Dutch, is that a picture of you? Is that why you came off so hostile?

  • Kit

    Again here I see hostility coming from the “christian” firing the first shot.

  • Mark

    I mentioned this on another thread but its such a big deal I thought it worth mentioning again. The perfect atheist cannot be recognized for anything he is or does because a perfect atheist simply doesn’t believe in any god. As such there is simply no need to spend any time or effort debating, arguing, discussing something that does not exist.

    To explain it another way, whenever you SEE and atheist what you are really seeing is someone who is anti religion. A true atheist is invisible because god simply does not exist. I am also a staunch defender of the idea that there are no palm trees in Antarctica but you will never notice because there is no need to proclaim something that doesn’t exist.

    Now don’t get me wrong! I’m not saying that being anti religion is a bad thing. In fact its a good thing indeed because there are millions of fake religious people trying to use god to gather cash and political power for themselves. These people are evil and need to be resisted.

    I’m only trying to make this point for intellectual clarity. Whenever you see a bunch of atheist noise or activity its not really atheism, its anti religion.

    If religious people would practice their true religion of service, humility and charity then there would be absolutely no need for atheists or anyone else to fight back against the tyranny of the worshippers of the flying spaghetti monster.

  • Autumnal Harvest

    Mark, this doesn’t make a lot of sense. Atheists feel the need to say that they believe something doesn’t exist because they’re surrounded by other people who believe that it does exist, and those other people, among other things, base government policy on that assumption. Obviously, if we were on an atheist-only island, there wouldn’t be any reason to talk about how there’s no god.

    Think about your analogy some more. If a majority of American believed that there were palm trees in Antarctica, said that our government leaders should make decisions based on their belief in palm trees in Antarctica, and people often asked you your feelings about palm trees in Antarctica, your beliefs about those palm trees being nonexistent would be more noticeable.

  • I clicked on this topic, hoping for some humorous responses that perhaps would poke fun at the flaws of atheists (being human as we are, no different from any religious folks, as evidenced by the pic). Instead, I found myself shaking my head as I read each comment, saying quietly to myself, “What a world, what a world….”

    Thankfully, there are a couple of smart people here, though.

  • Atheism would be bad if it adopted a particular scientific theory and proclaimed that if you did not believe it, then you would go to Hell and that the ONLY way to get to heaven is to accept the theory. But that is not what atheism is. Atheism is merely the disbelief of theistic concepts like personal gods, heaven and hell, and judgment days. Show me some evidence other than human written literature fragments and I will then use the scientific method to improve the current scientific theories. Its hard to make a caricature of the atheist mindset without great distortions of what atheism is.

  • Dutch ,You are the reason why some Atheists are Hostile .We live in peace ,we DO help in charity ,We volunteer ,We give our Money directly to the needy .So your statements show how you were taught to think and believe .Maybe someday you can unchain yourself from religion and actully use you OWN mind to think .

  • grazatt

    Ferengi are the perfect Christians?

    That does explain a lot.

    Dude, don’t insult Ferengi like that!

  • Dutchess

    Ha! Awesome and accurate retort Dutch! This diagram is a false perception of real Christianity. It is actually a very degrading image and the ‘pastor’ who drew this ought to be confronted.

    Also, in defense of Dutch, he only seems harsh because he speaks the Truth. The Truth taste aweful in the mouth, but it’s the only thing that gives you life.

  • AriaCloudrunner

    good call dutch, and good call David Hayward.
    I’m agnostic, and as such, my favourite thing is to see religion- including atheism- poking fun at itself, because if you can’t laugh at something, then it’s just sad!

    Peeps who are getting offended here… erm… it’s a joke. It’s exaggerated. One of my best friends is very christian, and she’s not like that picture- she’s also best friends with a buddhist.

    Embrace the love, and enjoy the laughs, people.

    lol at pisstaking genius!

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