Want to Know What All the Cool Kids Wear in School? February 5, 2009

Want to Know What All the Cool Kids Wear in School?

Not this:


Or any of the other shirts on this site.

And why doesn’t this girl just get one shirt that tells us she’s an ex-hypocritical-masturbator?



The Skepchick versions are much better:


This is why it’s hard to take these Christians seriously. They are proud to rid themselves of something that was never bad in the first place.

It’s a case of mistaken priorities.

(Thanks to everyone for the links!)

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • EX-Homosexual? That doesn’t even make sense.

  • Ex-hypocrite? Seriously? Seems to me that the very act of denying your own hypocrisy is hypocritical.

    And just for the record, back in high school when a girl in my church confessed that she used to have sex with her boyfriend, instead of being an inspirational tale of overcoming sin and temptation to me, it was just a huge turn-on.

    Just saying.

  • Brian Westley

    Alms for an ex-leper!

  • EX-Homosexual? That doesn’t even make sense.

    It makes sense if you insist that being gay is a choice.

  • Kate

    I think they misspelled the ex-homosexual one. It’s spelled “I’m heading for a mid-life crisis in which I psychologically explode from a life of denial and self-torture.” There, fixed it.

    Oh and the ex-atheist one is wrong too. It should read, “I had it right, and then I messed up.” 😉

  • jacob

    I feel sorry for these people. It must be mentally damaging to repress your sexuality and make a sin over something as harmless and fun as wanking.

  • SarahH

    I’m surprised that the word “masturbator” is apparently okay on a Christian t-shirt at all.

  • Shane

    I’m an ex-masturbator. I’m not masturbating right now, am I? Wait… nevermind.
    Ok. Done.

    But seriously, a chick wearing the ex-masturbator or ex-fornicator shirt is just hot. How could you help but imagine her masturbating and fornicating? … wait…
    Ok. Done.

    Definitely going to order some of these. Well, not really…

  • CrypticLife


    Well, maybe tomorrow I will be….

  • That guy looks way too happy to be an ex-fornicator. I’m thinking marketing your virtue has got to be a sin in some religion.

    I guess all of the formerly religious atheists should wear shirts saying ex-moron.

  • wait, the point of pretty girls in ex-masturbator shirts is not to make guys masturbate? that’s some mixed message!

  • I want one that says EX-terminator.

  • Siamang

    LOL! These are HILARIOUS!!!!

    And I totally agree: hot chick in ex-masturbator shirt = AWESOME!!!

  • Richard Wade

    That t-shirt should say “expert masturbator.”

  • Richard Wade

    By the looks of the other shirts offered, including “Ex-Atheist,” they should offer one saying, “Pre-Thinker.”

  • I’m with above; seeing that girl with the EX-Masturbator tee immediately made me picture her with her hand in her panties. It’s almost cute – these people really have no clue, do they? If anything, these shirts just demonstrate how obsessed they are with sex.

    Besides, like someone pointed out, any of us could wear the EX-masturbator or EX-fornicator shirts (well, the latter only so long as you’re not a virgin) – after all, the only times someone is likely to see you in it is when you’re not currently doing it!

  • Zar

    The beautiful, beautiful irony of this is that the T-shirts are by AMERICAN APPAREL.

    You know, the company with the pants-optional CEO who masturbates in front of reporters.

    The company whose ads all look like 1970s amateur pornography. That American Apparel.

  • Jeff Satterley

    Beware of practicing your piety before men in order to be seen by them; for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.

    Matthew 6:1 (RSV)

    It’s amazing how often I have to bring this verse up to Christians; I’ve actually memorized the passage.

  • robert

    Well, damnit I quit masturbating recently, but seeing that hot girl pushed me over the edge!

  • Why would anyone want to be an Ex-masturbator?

    I like what another commenter stated above – ExPERT-Masturbator – LOL!

  • llewelly

    Ex-Masturbator: Stopped this morning.

  • hoverFrog

    Why is the ex-fornicator guy playing with his nipples? Still, he looks happy about it.

    The ex-masturbator t-shirt is merely drawing attention to the model’s breasts. Can’t. Control. Self. *fwap* *fwap* *fwap*

  • JB

    I would think christians would be all about masturbating- after all, we’ve supposedly been designed by God, right? And if God designed us, but didn’t want us to pleasure ourselves, why the hell did he make it so damn easy to do? Think about it; if you’re just standing straight up, arms to your sides, your hands (two of them, just in case you lose one in a holy war or something) are mere inches away from your private parts. Hell, you could easily touch yourself several times a day just by accident! And even if I were to stretch my arms out as far away from my junk as I could, that’s what, maybe 3 feet or so? I can’t even get that close to a woman without money changing hands, for crying out loud! So if it’s true that we’ve been ‘designed’ by God, then I say he wants us to masturbate. We’d be going against his wishes not to!

  • Ilsa

    I can’t believe no one has come up with adding an S before the EX-SLAVE one… I’d find it hilarious to wear SEX SLAVE on my chest xD

  • Jen

    I really want to buy these and wear them to atheist gatherings. Is that weird? I think we all should.

  • Brian

    I should get one of those ex-fornicator T-shirts. Then everyone would know I was single, and all the single women would come over and talk to me. Right?

  • Richard Wade

    Get a really short, tight shirt and label it EX-Hibitionist

  • Ex-cool by virtue of being black!

  • WTF are the EX-Slave shirts for? Wait…in light of the EX-“fornicator”, “masturbator”, and “homosexual” shirts, I am not sure that I want to know…

  • Brody

    Reminds me of a story a friend told me:

    While working for a screen-printer, my friend got an order for a christian group to screen print boxer shorts for a girls’ slumber-party retreat. The retreat was about building their self confidence and sexual purity. The message they had printed on the underwear: “It’s what’s inside that counts.”

  • Epistaxis

    Why would she keep masturbating her ex?

  • Matthew T.

    I want one that says “Ex-deluded person”

  • You know, these T-shirts are many steps down the old “I’m with stupid” T-shirts.

  • Chal

    I loved the one from SkepChick with Ex-Masturbator (because only the priest can touch me there). 😛

  • Lyz

    Is anyone else really disturbed by the EX-slave shirts? I can’t decide if I’m more bothered by the african-american guy wearing one or the not-african-american gal wearing one. I think if I were the descendant of American slavery, those shirts would really piss me off.

    Doesn’t the bible condone slavery?

    What are they even talking about?

  • Kenneth

    Is anyone else really disturbed by the EX-slave shirts?

    In the Christian circles that I used to be in, all people are “slaves to sin” until saved.

    But yes, it is disturbing that the producers of these shirts don’t seem to get what such a shirt would mean to everyone else…

  • Frink

    I wonder if they also sell “EX-Reasonable” or “EX-Thinker.”

  • SASnSA

    Actually, I like the EX-Hypocrite shirt, because I too used to be a Christian

  • Eternity

    Ironically enough, when I read the one saying EX-Masturbator, my first thought was “Oh, So your getting laid now? good for you.”

  • I’m pretty sure any bible believing Christian would have to be a hypocrite in order to wear any of those shirts.

    I wrote a bit about that including quoting their book about how Jesus felt about exhibiting pride like this.

    I even threw together a better shirt that likely shares a customer base with those that would buy the EX shirts…

    The slogan?

    “One of my best traits is that I’m so HUMBLE”

  • talk about lol

  • Kept for Jesus

    Please answer this………whenever a Christian makes a statement everyone has so much to say but when any other group wears a T-shirt or conveys what they believe in whatever way they want it is o.k.

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