If Jesus is the Answer… January 28, 2009

If Jesus is the Answer…

I realize I’m setting myself up here…

But this is too amusing to pass up.

Here’s a billboard seen in Australia:


Jesus is the Answer…

So I have to wonder: what is the question?

Make me laugh. Don’t be a jerk.

(While you’re at it, check out the Oz Atheist’s post and see why Australian atheists are on the lookout for specific religious billboards.)

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  • «bønez_brigade»

    “Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?”?

    Barry Mann would like to shake His hand.

  • Who is one person who has never been in my kitchen? (oh wait…)

  • Who makes delicious tacos and burritos at the ramshackle haunt – I dare not call it a restaurant – on 49th and Main?

  • Javier

    Who likes short shorts?

  • Noodle

    “Hey, will ya give us a new answer? 42 was NOT SATISFYING!”

  • Why do fools fall in love?

  • G&S

    Who is The Dude’s biggest competition in the semifinals?

  • Scott LIchtenstein

    Who has the hottest mom?

  • Steve

    Besides God, name one other entity who is make believe

  • Matt

    5-letter word for “Security blanket”

  • Brian

    Who shot JR?

  • Who moved my cheese?

  • SarahH

    Who’s that caucasian guy with the blue eyes and the giant sash?

  • Shark Attack

    Name a 2000 year-old zombie who hates fig trees.

    Who said, “Do not think I came to bring peace, I did not come to bring peace, but a sword, to turn family members against each other so that one’s enemies will be the members of one’s own household?”

    Who is the central mythical figure in one of the longest-running and most successful scams of all time?

    Who kills a kitten every time you masturbate?

    Don’t be a jerk? Sorry, I can’t help myself.

  • Jamie G.

    Who framed Roger Rabbit?

    How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsi-Roll Pop?

    Who killed Oscar Romero?

    What’s the answer to the Riemann zeta-hypothesis?

    Where is the crew of the Mary Celeste?

    What is the Taos Hum?

    Who wrote the Voynich Manuscript?

    Who was the real Babushka Woman?

    Who needs to run to Staples and pick up a date book? 2,000 years…. really?

  • To re-quote Governor Patterson at the Democratic Naitonal Convention
    If (Bush) is the answer, the question must be ridiculous.

    on the other hand, the question sound slike what is 7 times 9? Jesus is the answer- yes, the wrong one.

  • JonasG

    What name did Mr. and Mrs. Christ decide not to name their son Howard, who went to College with me.

    Seriously: I did go to College with Christ.
    (Christ, ‘Howard Christ’ that is.)

  • The Vicar

    What do you say when you accidentally smash your thumb with a hammer?

  • Rasputin

    Where do they get this sh*t?

  • JimboB

    Who’s the guy who keeps my garden so well tended?

  • stephanie

    “Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?”?

    Barry Mann would like to shake His hand.

    I curse you, Bonez_brigade, because ten minutes after reading this I realized I was humming that song. 😛

    As far as the question, umm, I dunno, Alex; “Who was D B Cooper?”

  • Esme

    “oooo, I’m sorry Jesuschrist.org, but your answer needed to be in the form of a question. It looks like Notjesus has won. This is Jeopardy, and I’m Alex Trebek. Goodnight.

  • TK

    What makes super-rich mega-church pastors fall into numerous repeating affairs with gay escorts?

  • “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?”

  • Mo

    who let the dogs out?

  • Me

    Who’s the cat that won’t cop out, when there’s danger all about?


    Right on.

    (I couldn’t figure out which verse to use so substitute your preferred one in the right place).

  • Sandra

    What do you get when you make something out of nothing?

    Ok obvious, but still…

  • Who was the eponymous protagonist of “The Man Who Never Was”?

  • Yoo

    Of course we don’t know the question! What do you think the Earth is for? 😉

  • Jake

    What was the name of my highschool’s janitor?

    It never said it had to be Jesus Christ

  • Siamang

    Who’s the black private dick who’s a sex-machine with all the chicks?

  • If there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?

  • Patrick

    I must have got the question wrong then.

  • Eliza

    (As an aside: couldn’t they have sprung for higher quality materials? The paint’s running & the black background looks like shit.)

  • Fill in the blank:
    When surprised, you say in a very loud voice:
    _____ fucking christ!

  • “Who is John Galt?”


    “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

    that’s all I got.

  • Who was the second gunman on the grassy knoll?

  • Ole

    Who do I see for the cheap wine?

  • Who is the leader of the gang?

    J Cat!
    The most effectual J Cat!
    Who’s intellectual close friends get to call him J.C.
    Providing it’s with dignity.

    J Cat!
    The indisputable leader of the gang.
    He’s the boss, he’s a pip, he’s the championship.
    He’s the most tip top,
    J Cat.

    Yes he’s a chief, he’s a king,
    But above everything,
    He’s the most tip top,
    J Cat.

    J Cat!

  • Who wears short shorts?

  • happycynic

    Who is the unclean person responsible for the dried white goo on this sign?

    (you KNOW “men of integrity” would never do that)

  • Richard Wade’s Evil Twin

    Whoooooooooooooooo lives in a pineapple under the sea?

    Who’s the leader of the club that’s made for you and me?
    J-E! S-U-S! C-H-R-I-S-T!
    Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ! Forever let us hold our banner high!
    Hey there, hi there, ho there! You’re as welcome as can be!
    J-E! S-U-S! C-H-R-I-S-T!
    Come along and sing a song and join our jamboree!
    J-E! S-U-S! C-H-R-I-S-T!

  • Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks?

    Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man?

    Who’s the cat that won’t cop out when there’s danger all about?

  • Richard Wade

    Oh my evil twin is being naughty again.
    Not one of the questions, but what is with the ellipsis, the three dots at the end of that statement? Jesus is the answer… has this sort of unfinished, pausing, trailing off vagueness to it. If they’re so sure why don’t they say Jesus is the answer. Period. Boom. Done.

  • Just who does Bono think he is?

  • Beowulff

    Who left the toilet seat up?

  • Sock

    What’s black and white and misread all over?

    (though, I guess that would be the Bible more than Jesus)

  • Ubi Dubius

    In addition to Matty and Felipe, which Alou brother played for the Giants in 1963?

  • What’s worth 12 points in Scrabble?

    (if you can get your opponent to overlook the “no proper nouns” rule…)

  • Oblivious

    knock knock…

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    If everything tastes like chicken, what does chicken taste like?

  • Who farted?

  • Paul

    What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

  • What does the “MEN” in the left-lower corner stand for?

    Closer looks says “Men of integrity”

    Does this have anything to do with Jesus?

  • Who is the fifth Cylon? (I know, we already have that answer).

    Besides Barack Obama, who else has a middle name starting with the letter H?

  • Saint Splattergut

    who delivers faster than DHL, etc etc?

  • andrew

    “who killed colonel mustard with the candlestick in the observatory?”

  • What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

  • Thoracantha

    Who is that jumping on that pogo stick?

    Who appeared in my grilled cheese sandwich?

    Who is slightly smaller than the Beatles, yet much larger than Oasis?

    Who is responsible for all of the grammy awards, including Milli Vinilli?

    Who killed J.R.?

  • Stephen

    What was the name of Jose’s amigo?

  • What does jay ee ess you ess spell?

  • Who do I have to blow to get a drink around here?

    (Vague water-to-wine reference…)

  • Whose your daddy?

  • where’s the beef?

  • TheDeadEye

    Who put the banana in the bread?

  • “Who have you denied?”

  • donnythebowler

    What’s that blue thing doing here?

  • Sam

    I will take Fairies, knomes and large lake creatures for $800 Alex.

  • Me

    Who is Keyser Soze?

  • Brian

    What is the airspeed of an unladen swallow?

  • bfuentes

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  • Hey baby, ever seen one of these?

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    Who put the empty container of milk back in the fridge?

  • exrelayman

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    Who did my father always loudly ask if he was made of money whenever we kids left the front door open when the heat or a/c was on?

  • Luther Weeks

    In whose name was Sarah Palin exorcised?

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    What’s for dinner?

    -Last supper reference.

  • Richard Wade

    Are we there yet? (asked for the 14th time in the last 100 miles)

  • What is the airspeed of an unladen swallow?

    African or European?

  • Thatgirl

    What is wrong with people?!!?

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    Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

  • I have a couple of questions that would answer:

    “Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks?”

    “Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man?”

    “Who’s the cat that won’t cop out when there’s danger all about?”

  • kat

    what’s that tingly feeling in me foot?

  • kat

    what puts the ape in apricot?

  • weaves

    Who is one of the greatest causes of strife and conflict in the world?

    Even among his own followers.

  • kat

    what does lora wanna bitch at me about?

  • kat

    what do catholics have for breakfast on sundays?

  • kat

    what should i name my dog?

  • kat

    what is made of clothes pins, smiling, and hanging off my kitchen lightswitch?

  • llewelly

    Ted Haggard has said Jesus has entered him. So clearly the question was: “Who is Haggard’s latest escort?”

    (I know, I’m a jerk. But that’s how it is.)

  • kat

    now that ted haggart’s kicked his meth addiction, what’s he getting high on?

  • Look in the sky.
    It’s a plane!
    It’s a bird!
    It’s a frog!
    A frog?
    Not plane, nor bird, nor even frog,
    It’s just little old me…

  • Thatgirl

    What have they got that I ain’t got?

  • Gabriel

    Why did I wake up with a sore ass and a scratchy throat?

  • White Shaft

    What did my wife scream repeatedly last night?

  • Danny

    What is the name of your landscaper?

  • Jansen

    What is agape?

  • Mama

    But Rex! Where will I go? What’ll I do?

    Do I clip the red wire or the green wire?

    Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

    Do you know any gay celebrities?

    Ma’am do you know the name of the man who attacked you?

  • Roi des Foux

    Jesus isn’t the answer. Jesus is the question. Sex is the answer.

  • What is the sound of one hand clapping?

  • MAxxaxxx

    Who killed Kurt Cobain

  • Amanda

    If you don’t want to be tormented in Hell for all of eternity, who do you call on?

    Who is the only one “good enough”?

    Who can truly forgive my sins and make me acceptable before God?

    What is love?

    Who is the answer?

  • If you don’t want to be tormented in Hell for all of eternity, who do you call on?


    Who is the only one “good enough”?

    Evanescence. Is this a song title question?

    Who can truly forgive my sins and make me acceptable before God?

    What sins? What god?

    What is love?

    a strong positive emotion of regard and affection.

    Who is the answer?

    You mean what is the answer? surely?

  • David

    Who is the most irrationally hated god who never existed? or

    Who is the most irrationally hated person who claimed to be a god.

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