Potential “Saddleback” Definitions

In honor of Pastor Rick Warren, it’s up to Savage Love readers to pick the new NSFW definition of “Saddleback.” After much waiting, we finally get to hear the finalists!

3) The saddleback position involves placing your lubed dick between the butt cheeks of your partner. This position can be performed on your sides or on top of a facedown partner (maybe with a pillow under his or her hips). My favorite way of finishing up the saddlebacking is to lift up and come on my wife’s sweaty back. The saddleback is a nice compromise position when your partner won’t allow anal entry.

4) To saddleback is to rail against gay sex in public while secretly indulging in the same in private. Ted Haggard? Total saddlebacker. Larry Craig? Saddlebacker. Rick Warren? Probably a saddlebacker.

5) “Saddlebacking” should be the term for the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities. “After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she’s saving herself for marriage.” Please, please adopt this definition!

There are plenty more where that came from… along with Dan Savage‘s handicaps.

I pick number 5.

(via the Friendly Atheist Forums)

"Your asterisked words are so validating. Thank you for them.I once went for a walk ..."

Kaia Rose

Liberty U. Has Regularly Dismissed (or ..."

"Hell? Let me tell you what hell is. Hell is finding out your city is ..."

Kevin Pennington

Church Attendance is Declining Even on ..."

""Cripes, there's only 2 humans on the entire planet at the time."And he misplaced them. ..."

"As Dan Barker puts it, "You don't have to go down in my basement!""

Ondřej Čtrnáct

SarahH

I love Dan Savage 🙂

I voted for #5 with both my e-mail accounts. I think it’s pretty perfect, given that the poor sex ed and emphasis on virginity that lead to unprotected anal sex in these cases is provided by churches like Warren’s. I think that, like satorum, saddleback should define something undesirable – something that shouldn’t happen if everything is going well.
PrimeNumbers

Clever and funny. I have to laugh every time I drive past that place, or meet a bunch of people heading off there from a local hotel, all clutching their file folders for their week of wonderful indoctrination there….
Idir

I voted 5.
I’m pretty sure both 3 and 4 already have words.
But 5 is just P.E.R.F.E.C.T
mikespeir

Gee, I’m glad I didn’t miss this post. 🙁
Cannonball Jones

I love 5 but I felt so much delicious schadenfreude over the Ted Haggard issue that I’d have to vote for that one 🙂
SarahH

I voted 5.
I’m pretty sure both 3 and 4 already have words.
But 5 is just P.E.R.F.E.C.T

I think 3 would be hypocrisy and 4 would be frottage (as Dan points out, if I remember correctly).

Gee, I’m glad I didn’t miss this post.

Sorry, Mike… I made a note on the forum post title that it was NSFW and warned readers at the top… maybe Hemant can put it behind a link?
Hemant Mehta

What do we want behind a link? The sample definitions? I can do that if needed…
elianara

I got an evil smile as soon as I saw definition 5. It’s perfect.
mikespeir

Sorry, Mike… I made a note on the forum post title that it was NSFW and warned readers at the top… maybe Hemant can put it behind a link?

Oh, it didn’t hurt that much, SarahH.
John Moeller

Yeah. 5. It’s just too deliciously awesome. It’s apparently common practice in my home Red State too.
SarahH

Update: #5 won, and is now the official definition of saddlebacking.