Humanist Humor January 6, 2009

Humanist Humor

By Guest Contributor
January 6, 2009

Do Humanists have a sense of humor?

Ron Lindsay, President and CEO of the Center for Inquiry, wants to hear your best jokes!

The contest winner will receive a copy of Tom Flynn‘s The New Encyclopedia of Unbelief.

There is a catch — to enter the contest, you must become a member of CFI. Other rules are here.

Here: Get some practice. Finish the joke!

An atheist walked into a bar…


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  • Wes

    An atheist walked into a bar…

    …miztvah, but found out, much to his disappointment, that a bar mitzvah is not like a bris, and no one would be slicing up any babies today.

  • Wes

    An atheist walked into a bar…

    …probably because she’s an immoral godless heathen drunk.

  • Eric

    Because he forgot to put in his contacts.

  • Ubi Dubium

    …looked around, noticed that there was no alcohol or bartender, and revised his initial hypothesis to “An Atheist walked into a room…”

  • BGboothA

    And God Damn did it hurt!

  • Renacier

    …and ended up debating 50 priests and 50 rabbis

  • …he should have ducked.

    I’m not very funny 🙁

    I do have one about someone walking into a talent agent’s office, though…

  • 5ive

    An atheist walked into a bar…

    Ouch.

  • JimboB

    … and divided the universe by zero.

  • An atheist horse walked into a bar. The barman said “Why the long face?”

  • A Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar. It explodes. The end.

    —

    A Catholic priest, Rabbi and atheist walk into a bar.

    The priest sits down and begins praying that God will perform a miracle and place a drink in front of him.

    The rabbi does the same.

    The atheist sits at the bar and wave to the bartender.

    When no drink appears the priest exclaims ‘God must be testing my faith!’ and prays harder.

    The Rabbi ponders for a moment and then says ‘He must be punishing me for something from the past.’

    The atheist rolls his eyes, orders a drink and when gets it replies ‘Well, I guess if this God of yours exists, I’m his favourite!”

  • … and says “who’s a guy/gal gotta worship to get a drink around here?!”

  • Tom M

    Q: Why do women love Jesus?
    A: Because he was hung like this
    b___0___d
    ……..[]……..
    ……..[]……..

    (Sort of a difficult joke to portray in writing, and has nothing to do with walking into a bar.)

  • Keerax

    …and realized he was actually being beaten with a cross wielded by a prohibition supporting, born-again christian.