How Much Sex Do Christians Need?

You always hear about how conservative Christians are all for abstinence until marriage.

What you don’t always hear about is how they are completely pro-sex after marriage. Freaks, really.

But how much is enough?

A church in Dallas is asking congregants to get it on for seven straight days. And the pastor will be doing it, too:

“We’re going to give it a try,” said the Rev. Ed Young, who has four children with his wife of 26 years.

Young, 47, said he believes society promotes promiscuity and he wants to reclaim sex for married couples. Sex should be a nurturing, spiritual act that strengthens marriages, he said.

“God says sex should be between a married man and a woman,” Young said. “I think it’s one of the greatest things you can do for your kids because so goes the marriage, so goes the family.”

Young said he will deliver his seven-day sex challenge while sitting on a bed in front of his Dallas-area church campus.

But seven days is nothing.

Earlier in the year, a church in Tampa encouraged members to have sex for thirty straight days.

We know, it sounds crazy. However, we believe this challenge will not only improve sex lives, but also strengthen relationships. In this series married couples will review the obvious needs of him and uncover the forgotten needs of her and singles will cut through the illusions and consider the qualities that result in healthy relationships.

But thirty days is nothing.

A Christian wife, Charla Muller, recently wrote a book — 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy — about how she decided to spice up her own love life by giving her husband sex every day for an entire year.

Whether he wanted it or not.

This is all a lot of pent up sexual frustration in a culture in which girls are taught to withhold their sexuality almost entirely until they get hitched.

The churches’ attempts at fixing the problem is so forced, you would think the sex would lose any sort of spontaneity or excitement.

Isn’t it better to just follow what your body and emotions are telling you without all the hangup?

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starskeptic

"Hell, their god ordered the murder of all the first-born sons."

Tracy

As a woman, I see nothing “spiritual” about sex. To me, is a pleasant, animalistic act that my husband and I both enjoy.
bradm

“But how much is enough?”

Why do you care how often other people are having sex?

“Isn’t it better to just follow what your body and emotions are telling you without all the hangup?”

Isn’t it better yet to stay out of other people’s sex lives?

You’re just as bad as an anti-gay fundamentalist – trying to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do in their bedrooms.
arkonbey

My wife and I were talking about pre-marital sex recently. We were, of course, all for it. We decided that sexual compatibility is as important as other compatibilities in a relationship (such as levels of neatness).

Perhaps even more so. How much fun would those thirty days of sex be if one partner was never truly satisfied. We don’t even have to look at major kinks to see how it would, well, suck.
t3knomanser

Nothing says, “Healthy Sex Life” than forcing yourself into the act when you don’t really want to.
Ron in Houston

Frequent sex is a biological part of bonding. To the extent that humans embrace monogamy, then frequent sex is what creates the biochemistry to make them monogamous.

I’m not taking any standing on monogamy versus other lifestyles, but we shouldn’t criticize Christians for encouraging frequent sex.
Travis

I think it sounds rather irresponsible to go on sex sprees, and to use supernatural explanations to justify it, i.e. it promotes spirtual well-being. How about the consequence it will have on soceity and the planet if they keep having more kids. The more people to irresponsibley use excesive resources from our planet that is already being attacked by people. To me, this is yet another example of how supernatural beliefs can be dangerous. And if their justification was only that “it is good for our marriage,” it would still be an irresponsibe and unworthy excuse for excessive sex and reproduction.
Anonymous

Whether he wanted it or not.

Owned. Poor guy.
laterose

I’m mostly just wondering how exactly the last women gave her husband “sex every day for an entire year. Whether he wanted it or not.” That’s just the sort of thing you really need some level of agreement on before you start.

Also since they seem to be promoting this as something more people should do, I think it’s fair game to comment on it. Hemant’s post isn’t really comparable to fundies railing against gays since gays don’t typically recruit.
Mikayla

I would think some of the guys would be a bit frustrated by all this–if they really take it seriously. Seven or 365 days in a row? Come on now, don’t you guys need a day or two to recharge from time to time?

LOL
Lynn

This came up on, of all places, the QVC community forums and was pretty much universally mocked, and there are some hardcore backwoods fundie Christians posting there.

It’s a well-intentioned but barmy idea.

Sex and intimacy and frequency of sex and all that is just so individual and, in the long run, sex is really not the be all and end all of marriage.

For some people, even trying to have sex every night for a week may cause harm. For others, they’re already doing it, or close to it.

Also, from a Christian perspective, this kind of “challenge” goes against the grain of Christian teaching on marriage and intimacy.

Dumb idea all around, and it only makes me wonder what’s going on in the pastor’s marriage that he came up with this idea.

As for the forced sex 365 days in a row…can you imagine if this was a Christian male bragging about doing this to his wife? He would be (rightfully) blasted from just about everyone. Also…365 days? All of them? Ick.
Shane

“You’re just as bad as an anti-gay fundamentalist – trying to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do in their bedrooms.”

Hardly. Simply questioning what constitutes a healthy sex life and how to improve it is not on par with criminalizing consensual sex acts between adults.

There is a difference between asking if a forced sex schedule is sexually healthy, and demonizing or outlawing it (i.e. trying to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do in their bedrooms)
Matt Stone

Well I am pleased to say my pastor has never enquired about frequency with either my wife or I and that this whole thing you’re discussing is a bizzare aberation. It is newsworthy precisely because its not normal Christian practice. Nice to have a laugh at but hardly representative.
brad

I agree it isn’t on par but the question remains why it is any of our business what consenting adults do in their own bedroom.
Lynn

Brad, you’re begging the question…

It isn’t. Therefore, the pastor’s implication that increased frequency of sexual relations will be a good thing for all the marriages between members of his church is overstepping his boundaries as a pastor.

If he wants to preach on marriage and sexuality in a Christian context, great. That is, after all, his job, and it’s what people go to church to receive guidance about.

To try to manipulate the intimate lives of his parishioners based on what he thinks will be good for them is just wrong.
Paul Szewczyk

30 days straight? Doesn’t the Bible forbid sex during menstruation?
Odgie

To me, this is yet another example of how supernatural beliefs can be dangerous. And if their justification was only that “it is good for our marriage,” it would still be an irresponsibe and unworthy excuse for excessive sex and reproduction.

I thought the article was funny, until I read that comment. Married people having too much sex is a threat to the planet? Priceless.
Brian E

The ironic thing is, I could have only pulled this off when I was 17 or 18; clearly too early to be married. I’m 37 now and married 8 years, and not only couldn’t I pull this off, but the wife and I would have no interest in even trying! There’s too much on the DVR right now…
Kimbo Jones

“giving her husband sex”? What the hell is that supposed to mean? As opposed to “have sex with her husband” which at least implies that she has something to do with it, too.
stephanie

Trust the Christians to take something fun and try to make it into a chore.

I think we should have the Atheist Sex Challenge: have sex when you’re in the mood and not because some random ‘authority’ is telling you to do so or to abstain. Of course, to make it really challenging you could opt to not invoke any deities during the act… 😉
Sanguinity

Nah, that’s not the result of not-until-marriage sex; that’s the result of married-a-long-time sex.

Especially married-a-long-time-with-kids-time-challenges-and-other-stressors sex. Sex all too easily becomes one of those things that you never quite get around to…
Alex

Leaving everything else aside, I can’t imagine how having more sex isn’t a good thing.
Beijingrrl

For the record, my 39-year-old husband and I have sex almost every day despite having 2 small children, so for some people it’s great. Of course, when we first met at 18, we had sex up to 5 times a day, so things do tend to slow down over the course of a relationship. 😉

I think this could be an interesting experiment for people if the pastor also asked them to consider how they define sex. Is sex penetration only or other loving, sensual acts which bring pleasure to a couple?

I actually have no problem with the pastor suggesting this. It doesn’t sound like he’s asking people to make a pledge or anything, but just to try it. I think the world would be a much better place if we all got laid a little more. It’s much better to focusing on love than on hate.
Gabriel

I am very much in favor of pre-marital sex. Especially since there is no such thing as post-marital sex. That is a myth. Just like god, santa clause and the easter bunny. You want to encourage abstinence, put on a wedding ring.
Gabriel

“God says sex should be between a married man and a woman,” Young said. “I think it’s one of the greatest things you can do for your kids because so goes the marriage, so goes the family.”

I am pretty sure that the preacher didn’t mean it but it sounds like incest and child molesting.
erock

The whole thing, from both churches, has nothing to do with improving marriage or intimacy or reclaiming sex for married couples.
It’s a membership drive. It is a ploy by the preachers to increase the size of the flock. How many pregnancies will result from everyone in the congregation having sex every day for a month? Every woman in the church will have sex before, during, and after at least one ovulation.
andyinsdca

30 “straight” days? hehehe…
Twice

A non-religious book about 101 days of marital sex is “Just Do It” by Douglas Brown. The couple embarked on it as a project and decided to experiment with, um, marital aids, and also work out, dress nicely for one another and fix up their bedroom as a “sex den”. It was a fun read and thought-provoking. And as a bonus: not motivated by religion.
Julie Marie

I remember reading about this a little while ago. It struck me as a not so great idea then too.

Granted, once kids arrive, sex doesn’t “just happen.” At least, not often enough. One has to plan. Leave time. Be flexible. (punkin head falls asleep on the couch unexpectedly? forget finishing painting the trimwork and run upstairs… Little darlin’ bursts into the house after only playing with his friends for 15 minutes? woops – reschedule for later in the evening…)

Still there’s a difference between leaving time open and being flexible and mandating. I remember when hubby #1 and I were trying to conceive. Our intimacy was ruled by the calendar, and it took something that had been fun and made it into another chore to check off the list. Can’t help but think the 7 day challenge would have the same effect. But at least there is a terminal point, after which you can go back to whatever works for you as a couple.

And can you imagine if your relationship was in one of the not-so-hot phases? A time when you’d just as soon be left alone? Having my pastor throw out a challenge like this would just make me feel that much more inadequate. Not only do you have to emote happy happy joy joy because of the love of Christ in your life, now you have to fake your sex drive too.

I ran into an old friend a few weeks ago. He’s just leaving the church I left 2 years ago. One of his big beefs was the “fake it ’till you make it” advice given to married couples having difficulties. “Act your way into a feeling” rather than “Feel your way into an action”.
Don Pope

Now…how can I convince my wife to try this?
sohy

Hey! I say they should go for it, even if they had to get the idea from the preacher. If Christians got laid more often, they might be easier to have around.
Roy

People don’t think of this because it is so obvious and has been indoctrinated into them by the church. The main man God, no wife, girlfriend, boyfriend. Jesus Christ no wife, girlfriend, boyfriend. Mary had an immaculate conception. Think about it people the religion is completely anti sex and out there. If we logically examined these beliefs of organized religion I think we would say: “This stuff is nuts”