We Know Why Ted Haggard Had Gay Sex

I’m not sure this is the sort of thing we should be snarky about. Maybe it happened, maybe not. Maybe he can’t come out about his sexuality because he is confused about it himself. Probably best just to leave it alone.

Yes…Ted Haggard is the worst kind of hypocrite. He was obviously a hypocrite before…as is anyone who is secretly gay in the republican party (since the party actively campaigns against homosexual rights). And then, when it is discovered that he is gay…he tries to sluff it off, and still refuses to be considered what he obviously is. I had these thoughts…and in some ways it is very true.

But you know…if we take a truly human approach to this, I am going to let Ted off the hook. You are gay Ted…and you should admit it. I am going to bet that in your family, being gay is just about as bad as anything they could imagine…and I am also betting (playing the odds here) that is the case because of religion. And, since I personally understand how someone can be totally dishonest with themselves and others while captive by such an illogical and preposterous set of beliefs, I understand why Ted has behaved as he has.

But he needs to realize this, and grow. Ted Haggard, my friends, could end up being a hero of the gay movement when he finally does stand up…if he finally does stand up. And as a person who has left religion and it’s grasp…I understand that it can take time. He was disgraced publically in a manner that was terrible to him, considering his beliefes. I am sure he is shell shocked.

I have a very good gay friend who taught me this. I am only stating a view that I developed after listening to him. When Ted was first found out, I was very vocal about it…thought my gay friend would join me. Instead he felt true pity and sympathy for Ted. he said that it must have really been torture being so right wing…so fundy…so republican and also to know you are gay. He pointed out that Ted is who is is for the same reason most gay people are who they are. And he has behaved how he has because of intolerant views brought about by religion which do not allow people to be who they are. My friend then asked me if I have always done the right thing, especially while still enthralled with christianity. hehe Touche. So Ted, I am rooting for you to step up, shed the disgraced republican skin and admit your dishonesty to the one group that will understand and embrace you (heheh…pardon the pun there…but I am being serious)…the gay community. Stop running from who you are. Instead, make who you are matter, and shine the light on the real culprit…the set of values that caused you to behave badly was not that you are gay…it is that you are religious, and ashamed of who you are because of religion.

I also think we should moderate our snarkiness on this point. I think it’s quite possible that he still considers himself a straight man and ultimately prefers sex with women or at least the idea of sex with women. There is a spectrum of sexuality, not two boxes. Or even three. I don’t think we should be in the business of telling him who he is.

That being said, this doesn’t mean that he should deny his actions or look for excuses. He should try to understand what was motivating him and what the behavior provided for him. Did it bring him pleasure? shame?

Don’t worry – I’m not one of those “gays can be converted” types. That’s crap. But if you don’t know anything about sex addiction, it’s a hell of a thing. I suspect he has serious issues with sexual compulsion and doesn’t understand why he couldn’t stop doing something he allegedly found repulsive.

The answer is probably WAY more complicated than: “He’s gay and should just admit it!”

Larry, I am so glad you are a part of these on-going and wide-ranging conversations. I have grown so much from talking with people such as you. Thank you for reminding me that I can allow my sympathy to rise and my anger to be washed away.

Richard Wade wrote:

Once again the High Priest of Hypocrisy repeats the lie that homosexuality is instilled into innocent children by gay men.

Just to be clear – someone who sexually abuses a 7 year old is a pedophile, not a gay man.

I don’t think we are certain enough about sexuality to rule out a link between being abused as a seven year old and adult desires for ‘forbidden’ sex.

And Ted not bringing up the abuse for two years doesn’t prove it’s a lie.

As long as Ted believes same-sex attraction is sinful he is not going to make it his identity and call himself ‘gay’. The furthest he will go is saying that he continues to struggle with same-sex attraction (if he does). He won’t say it’s normative or ok or who he is.

Anyway who knows what he will believe and be saying a few more years down the road. Only time will tell. Conservative Christians do sometimes come out as gay.

I really had high hopes for Haggard once it came out that he was homosexual. I thought perhaps he, like gay Bishop Gene Robinson, would embrace who he is and say “I am a gay man, and I love God, and God loves me.” Instead he blames a childhood incident and tries to convince himself that he can be “cured.” I really feel bad for him, because for the rest of his life he’ll fight against the sexual orientation that he was born with while living in a sham marriage. He’s the victim of a world obsessed with the oppression of things it can’t and doesn’t want to understand.

Blame everything on childhood traumatic experiences, eh? Very Freudian.

It’s the same reason Jim Bakker gave in his book. It’s easy to play the victim and further try to stamp in the image of homosexuals as pedophiles when you want acceptance by your Christian peers.