Here’s Another Church I Won’t Be Joining… September 23, 2008

Here’s Another Church I Won’t Be Joining…

By Guest Contributor
September 23, 2008

I guess I can’t join The Holy Church of Bacon.

Damn vegetarianism. I guess I can just worship without eating it…

Though I’ve taken a sneak peek inside the Church and discovered some shocking facts.

Broccoli, for example, is the Anti-Bacon.

And since the Large Hadron Collider is on hiatus until next spring, we’ll have to wait to find the theoretical Heggs Bacon.

(Thanks to Ashley for the link!)

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  • Rat Bastard

    Mmmmm…broccoli. Raw, al dente, fully cooked; even the stalks are great when cut into slivers, and eaten raw. I never tried stir-frying bacon and broccoli. I’ll have to try that.

  • Anti-bacon? That’s interesting.

    When I was in college, my school had a buffet style cafeteria. On BLT day, I would get one plate, piled high with “B” and throw a bunch of broccoli from the salad bar in with it. Bacon, broccoli, pizza and pumpkin pie were my staple foods.

    Of course, in the Church of Bacon, I’m an apostate heretic that values Duck Bacon over the piggy variety.

    //Bacon = Awesome.
    //Duck Bacon = Awesome^Awesome

  • lurker_above

    Perfect! After a month on the Atkins Diet, I can now fulfill both my dietary AND spiritual needs.

  • llewelly

    I guess I’m going to hell for my steamed broccoli and fresh-grilled bacon dish.

  • Pastafarianism > Bacon Worship : Judaism > Christianity ?

  • Sue

    Hahahahaha!

  • I must start the Holy Church of Broccoli.

  • philosophia

    Oh, the conflict: does my love of bacon trump my love of broccoli? Or does the pasta pwn all? And if you eat them all together in the same meal, will the universe implode?

    …dammit. Now I’m hungry.

  • 1stmakearoux

    Combine your worship of bacon with your worship of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and you’ll become a pastacarbonarian!

  • SarahH

    Hmmm… worshipping bacon would seem to imply treating it with respect and therefore not subjecting it to the humiliating process of being masticated and digested by our gross intestines and bowels and such. So vegetarians would make the most faithful adherents, no?

    Are pigs sacred?

  • Hmmm… worshipping bacon would seem to imply treating it with respect and therefore not subjecting it to the humiliating process of being masticated and digested by our gross intestines and bowels and such. So vegetarians would make the most faithful adherents, no?

    It’s Goddamn meat-hatin, veggie lovin liberals like you that make me want to vomit. This is BLASPHEMY. Just wait til I tell the High Priest of Pork about this one!

    Oh, and everyone knows that a pig isn’t bacon til you’ve kilt’ it and made it into bacon. It’s the BACON that’s sacred, not the pig. I think that’s pretty clear from their statement of faith. For the LOVE of BACON, open your eyes SarahH!

    You people!
    jeez.
    ATL-Apostate

    and with that, I probably just removed myself from Linda’s list of considerate blog commenters. But dammit, it’s the holiness of bacon that’s at stake here.

  • raatrani

    hey, MorningStar makes some excellent vegetarian bacon!