Friendly Atheist Contest #35: What Events Are Atheists Not Invited To?

Last time, I ran this contest:

Atheists were not invited to the Democratic National Convention’s Interfaith Gathering.

What other events are atheists not being invited to? Why not?

Here are the Top 3 events (with submitters):

Ecuador’s 11th Annual Curved Yellow Fruit Enthusiast Convention: too many atheist attendees experiencing horrendous nightmares.

(Anthony)

Baby shower. No idea why not.

(Spook)

Sheikh Abdullah Ramadan’s school of Jihad potluck and ice cream social.

(Awesomesauce)

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Congratulations to the winners! The top three will be receiving specially-made Friendly Atheist wristbands (in the color of their choice), sent to me by blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni!

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If you’d like to win your own wristband, here is the new contest:

Secular Coalition for America director Lori Lipman Brown recently appeared on The Colbert Report.

Her two hour interview was edited down to a five-minute piece.

What conversations between the two were cut from the final segment?

Funny and creative answers will have a shot at winning.

Good luck!

"https://media3.giphy.com/me..."

San_Ban

AL Sen. Tommy Tuberville Foolishly Wants ..."

"After School Satan is ready to help children learn morality."

"I see red when I read about discrimination against LGBTQTIA+ prospective adopters. Ask any child ..."

Jennny

Christian Adoption Agency Will Now Work ..."

"satanic "Christian religion" What's that?destroyed the beautiful Greco-Romam empire Um, what are you talking about?"

Mr. Vorhias

A rather candid scene where Ms. Brown covertly admitted to Colbert that there is a group of bears backstage, pointing a gun at her head, threatening to fire if she does not carry out their godless killing machine agenda.
Yuri Nalarm

Gratuitous Sex Scene!
SarahH

Baby showers.. hee.
MerryAtheist

The five-minute segment in which Ms. Brown demonstrated her methods of communicating with hostile religious congresspersons by means of shadow puppets, using only her hands and a bright light.
Creet

Lori’s performance of a traditional atheist dance, which turned out to be a lap dance.
QrazyQat

Colbert saying over and over “You are so right!”
Gabriel

Colbert. “Look we all know your right. There isn’t a god. Big deal. But it is such a money maker. Why are you against making money? Are you a godless commie?”

Brown. “I’m a godless American. I like money.”
ubi dubius

They cut out the story about the threesome among Lori, Ray Comfort, and a banana. Stephen wanted to make it a foursome, but Ray can’t stand him.

It’s true! I read it on DailyKos!
Polly

I think Colbert might be Catholic, probably nominal if he is.

Anyway,

The missing convo?
Trading baby recipes.
Awesomesauce

Woohoo!
Zach

They left in the part where Steven tries to get Lori to sing God Bless America, but cut the part where he tries to get her to sing rounds of “Jesus Loves Me”.
Adam Bourne

The bit at the end when “Lori” removed her mask and revealed herself to be Rick Warren, Ray Comfort and Fred Phelps disguised as a single person, having hidden the real Lori under a pile of crackers.
Ubi Dubius

They cut out the part where they snacked on consecrated communion wafers with spray cheese. Stephen said that there’s nothing magical about them, they’re just friggin’ crackers, so it’s OK. Lori responded that even if they were the flesh of Christ, being an atheist, she saw nothing wrong with cannabalism of a consenting adult.
weaver

They forgot the discussion of the atheist’s nightmare Banana and how it prevents people having orgies with snakes.
Joseph R.

They omitted the gratuitous threesome with the snake and the pillow talk that happened afterward.
Joseph R.

Although Lori Lipman Brown and Stephen Colbert belong to two completely separate book clubs, they couldn’t help but share with each other their unnatural fondness for the Left Behind series. They were quoted as saying”We just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE those books.” Unfortunatly it ended up on the cutting room floor.
Citizen Steve

Five minutes of Brown begging Stephen to put bananas “on notice”.