The Book of Leviticus Explains the Rules for Riding Shotgun

I can’t seem to find the following in my copies of the Bible… but it’s on the Internets, so it has to be true:

… 2 The owner of the vehicle shall always be the pilot, unless leprosy hath taken his legs. The pilot must always wear a safety girdle. 3 He who wishes to have the second-best seat may only declare so after leaving the door of the temple, the tax collector’s house, a den of iniquity, or any other place. He, too, shall wear a safety girdle. 4 If two men declare the seat at the same time and neither agrees to abide in the back, they shall each kill one bullock and offer its head at the altar…

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… 11 May it also be known that if it is a man’s birthday, he holds the right to the seat. This is the law. 12 Neither women nor slaves may ever have the second-best seat…

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… 15 If three men are riding on a camel, they shall follow the same rules but shall take long, hard looks at themselves, because people will suspect they come from Sodom.

(via McSweeney’s)

[tags]Christian[/tags]

Larry Huffman

Just as anything…the bible is painfull deficient in it’s ability to address all of the moral issues at hand. For example, the theological debate rages on as to whether it is against god’s law to text your shotgun request. An omnipotent and onmiscient god should have forseen that as an issue and covered it in his original law.

🙂
Agersomnia

It seems awfully funnier than the original one, isn’t it?
Gabriel

I still remember how surprised I was to read about sloppy seconds in the Song of Solomon. I was 12 years old and was trying to read the bible cover to cover when I came across the passage “Yea verily, when I call for my 133 favorite concubine and she has been cavorting with courtier of the calves and is ready yet used I will find her wrouthful in my sight and shall have her cast into the desert.” It took me awhile to work that out.