Religious Children Have Questions About Barack Obama

Landover Baptist Church is getting many, many letters from young Christians inquiring about presidential candidate Barack Obama:

“Is Obama really gonna make momma get an abortion? I wanted a little brother and she promised to make one for me!” — Mark Ingram, Age 5, Home Schooled

“Does every Christian family move to Canada if Obama is elected, or is it just everyone on my Daddy’s side?” — Henrietta Rutherford, Age 11, Lynchburg Christian Academy

“Are all the people who don’t vote for John McCain really going to burn in hell and be sodim’isized by giant demons forever and ever? Grandma says it is absolutely true! She says that Pastor Lon Solomon, who is a messianical Jewish is just afraid to say it out loud because he’d lose his gold tithers. Grandma is the best Christian I ever knew!” — Scott Prendergast Jr., Age 11, McLean Bible School, McLean Virginia

And those are just the non-offensive ones.

Here’s Pastor Deacon Fred discussing the kiddies:

“It’s insightful to read how the little ears of Jesus interpret what they hear through Satanic secular media. It gives me great hope in our future! I thought it would be an absolute joy to print some of their questions here on our web site. I’ll bet most of our readers have children asking the same questions! If your kids are asking questions like the ones you read below, it is a sure sign that you are raising your child in accordance with True Christian™ Biblical standards! Praise Jesus!”

"Go away troll"

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Alycia

I totally forgot that was a fake church for a second and was like, “What the hell…?”
David

Ah but are the QUESTIONS real?
David

never mind, double post, remove it if you can/want.
Sam

HAHA!

I lol’d
Varda

Ah but are the QUESTIONS real?

At this point it wouldn’t even surprise me if they were.
David

At this point it wouldn’t even surprise me if they were.

Seriously, the problem with LBC is the lack of transparency. We hope those questions are just their writers being over-the-top but for all we know they really did get emails with that drivel straight from the bobblebelt.
Akheloios

Hallelujah!

Landover has the right idea!
rae

Uhg! I teach Kindergarten and I had a student who loves Obama and campaigns for him. Another student went up to him and told him “Obama Kills babies”. This was another Kindergartener! I assured the Obama student that Obama doesn’t kill babies. I also tell my students, if they are for Obama or the other guy (no bias) and they say “I’m voting for…” Or “We’re voting for…” I say “No sweetheart, your parents are voting, not you. You have to be 18 to vote.” I just want to plant the seed that they are taking on their parents preferences at this time.
Ron in Houston

Landover really has mastered the fine art of satire.
Obi-Mom Kenobi

The TM symbol is absolutely the best part of the whole thing.
Justin jm

I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or crap myself after reading those letters on the Landover site. Yes, I know it’s parody, but I can’t help but think, with a sinking feeling in my stomach, that people actually think like that.

Anybody know if the letters themselves are real?
Trevor

“I’m saving myslef for maragie, Is Obama going to make me have sex with my girlfriend and smoke marniguana and cigarittes before I’m old enough? – Jonathan Westfalls, Age 45, Liberty University School of Life Long Learning

This is the best thing ever.
Ngeli

Seeing that some of the facilities also appear in other parody-publications of the LBC, I am rather sure that they aren’t real. But I can be wrong, I am not infallible.
Gabriel

I hate to admit it but I get confused as to which church is the satire and which one is an actual hate house. Landover fake, westover scary.
imma

oh, you had me scared for a moment there. heh 🙂 not exactly in the best taste, though :-/
CAW

C’mon…those are definitely fake, but they are definitely funny!
Buffy

“It’s insightful to read how the little ears of Jesus interpret what they hear through Satanic secular media.

More like what’s been twisted by the RRRW “media”. No doubt they’ve been in front of the TV when Faux Newz was on or heard their parents discussing WorldNutDaily articles. Children don’t make up stuff that whacko, they’re prompted into it by adults.
rekounas

Does this organization not fall under terrorist organization? They are in line with the KKK I would think.
rekounas

“My Creation Science Teacher, Edna Mae”

Creation Science Teacher? You mean preacher.

Hemant, man, I don’t even know how you can surf this stuff all day long and remain a friendly atheist. Someone needs to grab that bible belt and pull it real tight and choke the stupidity out of America.