Trevor

“Jesus, please exorcise the demons from this iPhone. Mommy says that anything that does this many things is of the devil”
Scorpious

“Lord Our God, please, oh, please, oh, please make our parents get us each an iPhone of our own.”
Jake

Thou shalt have no other phones before me.
Chris

“Romans 2:15, And the Shepherd, the Lord Jesus Christ, shall rise again. He shall have a durable outer casing and several nifty features like video capability and a touch screen. And He shall be Good.”
Justin

iGod which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

Thy network come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily 3G.

And forgive us our phone bill, as we forgive our debtors.

And lead us not into dead zones, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the

network, and the power, and the shininess, for ever. iMen
Justin jm

How about Judges 1:19?

The Lord was with Judah, and drove out the inhabitants of the valley, but could not drive out the people of the mountains, because they had new iPhone 3Gs.
J Myers

iPhones are not Great
How Apple Poisons Everything
I like tea

If iPhones are objects of worship, I’m an atheist in more than one way now.
Jimmy

…And our Lord Steve Jobs said: “Let there be overpriced, ill-compatible electronic devices that make their users look elitist and retarded”.

Thus, the Apple corporation was born.
Mike Cohen

Apple is the one true religion. Steve Jobs is the messiah.
Ngeli

Worship of non-emacsite religions on the rise!
Clint Laskowski

Please, God. Don’t let the batteries die before the Jonas Brothers song is finished. Amen.
lynn

And the people bowed and prayed
to the neon god they made…
llewelly

J Myers:

iPhones are not Great
How Apple Poisons Everything

I remembered a link you forgot.
Gabriel

WTF
Gabriel

I really liked Lynns
Oz Atheist

Just goes to show: some people are so deluded they will worship anything.

Justin’s hallowed be thy name is very good.
Axegrrl

“suck it Jesus, this iPhone is my God now!”

(in homage to Kathy Griffin for the Emmy speech she got in soooooo much trouble for:)
Samuel Skinner

There is no God but Apple and Jobs is his prophet.
Dylan Armitage

iGod which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

Thy network come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily 3G.

And forgive us our phone bill, as we forgive our debtors.

And lead us not into dead zones, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the

network, and the power, and the shininess, for ever. iMen

This reminded me strongly of Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

Good job.
brian t

All toys bright and beautiful,
All cellphones great and small;
All screens shiny and touchable,
The Lord Jobs made them all.

Each little app that opens,
Each little case that blings;
He made their glowing icons,
He made their tinny rings.

iPhones bright and beautiful,
All widgets great and small;
All things fast and wonderful,
The Lord Jobs made them all!
Christophe Thill

– Hello? God? Can you hear us?
– Do you think he will hear our prayers now?
– Sssshhhh…
Darwin’s Dagger

Some of the applications that I’ve uploaded since upgrading my iPhone software have caused the device to crash on me a couple of times, but it always rises again after the third minute.
SarahH

The schism between Mac and PC users can be almost as tense and heated as the divide between atheists and theists! Perhaps these innocent children are praying for peace, harmony and tolerance between all users of computers technology…

Then again, they might simply be rubbing their hands together, scheming to get mummy and daddy to buy them each an iPhone ASAP.
Spook

“We’re still waiting on that whole ‘second coming’ thing… oh, the 3G iPhone is out? Well, that’s it then, enjoy being raptured!”

The iPhone is correctly called the Jesus Phone (a la Stephen Colbert); amazing qualities are attributed to it and evidence of these things only convince the believers. Everybody else just laughs and resumes reading their copy of “the iPhone delusion.”
elf_man

“Hey God, can you hear me now?
Oh wait, this shit isn’t verizon.”
Andrew C.

iPhone

Bigger Than The Beatles

Bigger Than Jesus
Meg

Somebody beat me to claiming the source material, but here’s what I’d planned to post:

Our Steve, who art in Cupertino,
Hallowed by thy reality distortion field…
Greta Christina

“Bless me, iPhone, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last download.”

It also gives a whole new meaning to that classic teen text, Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret.
Axegrrl

Greta Christina said,

It also gives a whole new meaning to that classic teen text, Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret.

Good lord, i know the iPhone is a phone, mp3 player, GPS device, etc but don’t tell me it’s a tampon replacement too!!!
QrazyQat

Even God can’t get us an unlocked iPhone.
ubi dubius

Go ahead Adam. Take a bite.
John

I’m sorry, but you have reached a wrong number….
Dana

Dear Jesus, thank you for creating a digital version of your words and wisdom to guide us through these dark and trying times in our childhood. Granny still doesn’t have a computer yet and mom and pop still don’t know how to text message, but we are certain you will show them the way. Amen.

Oh, and God, why isn’t your contact number already programmed into this immaculate phone?! Just curious… we didn’t know if you were available for text praying or not…Amen

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