Advice for New Atheists

I’m an introverted intellectual, so my advice is unsurprisingly to read up on some of the arguments on both sides. May as well be prepared for whatever comes at you and reading books which expand on what you know or suspect to be true can be strengthening and cheering, especially if those around you think you’re nuts.

Don’t be an arrogant jerk who delights in proving everyone wrong. Be willing to listen to other beliefs. Read both sides when possible so as not to build up and tear down straw men. If your family won’t take your atheism well, don’t tell them. You can be honest without advertising your beliefs with loaded language (“I don’t believe that, I’m an atheist, Mom.”).

It depends on the family really. If her family is fundamentalist it might not be wise to reveal her atheism until she is older, but if they are open to new ideas there is no reason to explain to them now. Friends tend to be more understanding, and certainly the younger generations of today are more open to atheism than the older generations.

Of course, the best way to meet atheists of her age is to look for groups at school or create one herself. When I got to university there were no secular groups on campus, but now (1 year later) we have a small but encouraging following, and links to the SSA and the Brights UK Movement.

In a country like America with laws supporting freedom of belief and speech, there can never be a time to “shut up”. The only way to get people to understand is to be as loud as possible.

I’m not sure that joining groups is effective. Most of the atheists I’ve met are screaming lefties and that drives me nuts (I’m a little “l” libertarian), so with the exception of VERY SPECIFIC atheist websites, I don’t spend too much time doing “atheist” stuff with atheists, whatever that means. I’m much happier reading books, websites, etc. I also love being able to explain what an atheists morals are…a long time ago (a year!) I found a website from a Christian who honestly asked about atheist morals and regrets. A bunch of atheists posted some great responses.

Maybe the environment in college is more congenial now than it was when I was in college (I’m an old fogie…get off my lawn!). I can’t imagine an atheist group having an easy time of it in high school nowadays.

I think Douglas Adams summed it up quite well with two words: Don’t Panic.

And I have to second what andyinsdca said — a lot of atheists conflate leftist politics with atheism. There is no rule that says if you are an atheist you have to also be a liberal, Democrat, and many are not. There may be a lot of reasons for that impression but there is no reason at all that a lack of belief in god should relate to any particular set of political beliefs or actions (other than recognizing that theocracy is dictatorship wearing the cloak of a false god who would probably be disgusted with the theocrat if the god existed in the first place, which he doesn’t).

Echoing what Dan said above, use your atheism in the same way you’d want others to use their theism.. That means not using it as fuel for a superiority complex or for becoming judgmental.

If your are on the rebound from God it might be good to go through an agnostic phase before rushing into the arms of atheism.

Until you are comfortable around certain people and atheism becomes relevant I wouldn’t bring it up. If a theist becomes pompous and is sure they have the right god and you are going to hell then you have to decide if it’s worth bothering to talk to them. I’m glad I’ve found so many people that just say okay when I tell them I’m an atheist and don’t want to discuss it.

What advice would you offer a teenager who has just become an atheist but isn’t sure what to do now that her faith in God is gone?

Carry on living your life as you have and making changes to suit your personality and style. Get a hat, everybody needs a hat.

Specifically, what would you suggest regarding how to deal with family? Friends?

Deal with them in exactly the same way you’ve always dealt with them or respectfully and honestly if you haven’t done that already. You’ve lost a belief not changed planets.

When to tell people she’s not religious?

When they ask or make false assumptions. You should always correct false assumptions but most of the time forcing your (non)religion in someone’s face is the wrong thing to do.

How to meet other atheists?

You can always recognise another atheist by the froth in our mouths, the horns on our heads or the look in our eyes that says that life has no meaning. Oh and by our hats. Atheists wear cool hats while religious people wear silly hats. Just look at the Pope. If you want to meet other atheists then join or start a student group. I’m sure libraries have posters for these but the few national groups might well have local contacts. Failing that the Baby Shop can give out the addresses of local groups when you pick up lunch.

What to read?

Anything you are interested in. There are some obvious choices like “I Sold My Soul of eBay” (plug plug) or books by Dawkins, Dennet, Harris and Hitchins but there are plenty of other books. If you want to read about atheism you should read the other side too, just for balance. If you read Hemant’s book then you should read Jim Henderson’s book too. Jim and Casper go to Church is remarkably similar to I Sold my Soul in content but the message is very different. None of the Christian counter atheist writers springs to mind but there are loads.

I’d recommend I Sold my Soul… as a good starting point for atheist\Christian dialog actually. It doesn’t go into anywhere near as much detail or explore the arguments like Dawkins or Hitchens do but then that’s not what Hemant set out to do so it’s hardly a surprise.

When to keep her mouth shut?

When do teenagers ever know when to keep their mouths shut? When you might get hurt is always a good time although sometimes a little pain is good for the soul. 😉

Take things slowly. For instance you don’t need to rush into telling people who hold power over you such as your family, teachers or friends. As a teen you are very much a work in progress. You are changing now faster than you ever will again. Consider the things you thought were so important just a year ago, and how much of those are of no interest to you now. You’re still in the midst of a rapid, complex and often confusing series of transformations.

You are struggling to find how much of your mind and personality are different from your parents, and how much of those are still similar to them. Sometimes it will be tempting to simply do whatever is the opposite of what they do or what they want you to do, just to take a stand for your independence. But that is not true independence, just a reaction that still depends on what your parents say and do.

At the end of this process you will be very different from them in some ways and you will be very similar in other ways. The point is that you will have considered all those aspects thoughtfully rather than hastily. You will have decided rather than reacted. You are building the foundation of the self you will be for the next 80 or 90 years. Like the foundation of a strong, long-lasting building, construct it carefully stone by stone, thought by thought.

If keeping it all private for now is too lonely and frustrating then find some people whom you can trust to keep your confidences and talk to them about your thoughts and feelings about your beliefs and your lack of beliefs. If some are your age and some are older, that’s very valuable. Look for people who don’t have a strong desire to get you to be an atheist or be a theist, people who simply accept you as you are right now, a work in progress. They can be hard to find, but they do exist.

The word “Atheist” is often emotionally charged among the evangelicals. They are constantly being told how evil and immoral we are. So, when you are in a place where a confrontation over religion is really inappropriate (like public school), I recommend using a more neutral term. One designed to terminate the discussion rather than provoke preaching. For instance, I advise my UbiDubiKids, when asked by school friends what their religion is, to respond “our family is not religious”, and to refuse to elaborate further. If you are interested in discussing your unbelief with the believers, do it at a place and time you are comfortable with, instead of whenever they decide to jump you.

i would tell her just to follow her own inner voice, those are mostly things she must figure out for herself

but also to beware of discussing things for too long with some people – on religion i mean – after a while it gets so annoying!

o and as for books, i suggest books about dinosaurs, cause not only will she learn about dinosaurs, usually they have a chapter on the how the earth formed and what the landscape was like until and while life was happening. also books on other scientific things… i have this book called “inside the body” and its pretty gross and cool…carl sagan’s “dragons of eden” is good…and peter s beagle has some good novels imo

Ok, when I started falling off the Catholic wagon, I was in college. What did it for me was researching the history of mono-theistic religions – I’m talking way back to the Kurghens, cave paintings, Primative Judaism… make yourself a timeline of religious thought. Arm yourself with historical accuracy. Read books like the Oak Tree, the Holly Tree and the Unicorn and Women’s history of the World by Rosalind Miles. I don’t think you can really just say ” I don’t believe in God” unless you know the foundations of what you don’t believe in. What was here “before” religion? What “caused” religion? This means going back to the dawn of religious thought. And that requires Archaeology text books – at least for me. Understanding where religions come from from a historical perspective really pulls it together in your times of self doubt.

Actually, I’m seeking advice about this. Being new to atheism myself, I have a few questions.

See, for the longest time, I thought I was snugly set in the tragically trendy “agnostic” category. I don’t think it’s likely that God exists, especially not within any parameters I’ve heard for what describes “God.” But, I also recognize that it is scientifically unfalsifiable and really sort of a moot point, and not one I spend much (if any) time thinking about. I live a godless life and in terms of ethics have considered myself a secular humanist for almost a year.

I used to be quasi-religious, but it never really sat well with me, especially with all the injustices in the world. I went to a Christian high school and basically had to re-learn all my life sciences once I chose to transfer. I’ve been non-theistic for six or seven years now. I’m currently 26.

According to metrics set by Dawkins, I’m apparently the de facto atheist. News to me, but okay, I’m cool with that. The thing is, I’m rarely satisfied with falling into such a category. I have to embrace it.

So what would you recommend I turn to for information or keeping updated on all things atheism? I pay much attention to wall of separation issues and spend a decent amount of time on my blog attacking religious bullshit/insanity when it goes too far. What I’d really like is a recommendation on an organization and/or printed periodical to subscribe to. Any ideas?

Stuie wrote:

If your are on the rebound from God it might be good to go through an agnostic phase before rushing into the arms of atheism.

Oh, great. And then poor Agnosticism gets kicked to the curb after having gone through all that heartache with you as you’ve gotten over the failed relationship with Faith? Agnosticism doesn’t deserve to be dumped for Atheism — and since both of them generally like each other a lot, you could just go poly and have it all!

;^D

~David D.G.

I think Sam Harris’ little book, Letter to a Christian Nation, would be a compelling and (ironically) comforting read for someone new to the reality of atheism. Not making a big deal out of it and avoiding, politely, the people who do is probably the best option. It shouldn’t be treated like they’ve joined a new religion, in my opinion, but rather that they have moved on in life as a child moves on from fairy tales to textbooks.

Agnostic = How you come about your knowledge of god / can you have knowledge of god

Atheist = Do you believe in a god

They are not the same question…and Atheism is binary…you either believe in a god or you don’t, there is not a third agnostic state. When people try to make agnosticism (which, again is about knowledge of god, not belief in god) part of the theist/atheist debate, they just look ignorant of the meanings of the words.

I find it incredible how many people still cannot understand that agnostics still have to either be theist or atheist. It is a very simple premise to understand.

If I ask you: Do you believe in a god? You can tell me all you want about whether you can or cannot know god. I will patiently wait, and when you have exhausted your plethroa of ideas about it…I will again ask…OK, so given all of that, do you believe in a god? You see…it is really simple. Maybe too simple.

So…if you do not know…do you have a belief or not?

If I do not know about something, I most certainly do not belief in it. But, either way you either believe or you do not. You can disagree all you want, you are disagreeing with the actual meaning of the words, not me.

it is not a hard line stance. I do not at all take one. But, words have meanings. A theist believes in a god or gods…an atheist does not. It is about belief, not knowledge. Agnostisim is all about knowledge, not belief.

You can say you cannot know about god all you want…that was not my question. Do you believe? It is a seperate question requiring it’s own answer.

If you cannot see that they are two different questions entirely…and that, linguisitcally as well as philosophically the theist/atheist question is binary only…then I cannot help it. You are simply accepting the views that caused the word agnostic to be brought into this light in the first place…people being unwilling to call themselves atheist because of the stigmatism. it is fairly well docuemented historically.

As to the atheist/agnostic question…George Smith laid all of this out pretty well in his “Atheism: A Case Against God” book. An entire chapter.

But…go right ahead…disagree. lol.

Please don’t start a blog unless you can spell better than Christians.

Smile. Be happy. Quote and tell everyon that you live by the Golden Rule.

I’ve been lurking for a while (read: months) and I’m finally in the mood to put my two cents in. Naturally, it looks like my first post will be a long one…

Having been in a situation like that before, the first thing I would do would be to make sure that I can tell somebody about it – and that confidante doesn’t necessarily have to be one of your parents to begin with. It’s not a lot of fun entertaining your fears of having your loss of faith be uncovered dramatically one day, so the sooner you have someone to work those emotions out with, the better.

Secondly (and when you do this depends on how tolerant your parents are), you’ll eventually have to tell them. Not only is it disingenuous to yourself to go through the motions while not giving a damn, but it’s not being fair to your parents to do things halfheartedly or break a few religious rules behind their backs. Most of the time, they’d rather that you be straight and clear with them. Of course, there’s simply no avoiding the initial disappointment or outrage (unless, of course, they were testing you…?), but a lot of those reactions cool down over time. Patience is the key once you’ve let your parents know about it.

Finally, you might not appreciate having to deal with beliefs that you don’t have faith in, but nothing gets accomplished if you try and aggressively push your own views, either. The best thing to do is to reach a compromise as soon as any initial shock subsides – it’s not worth straining your valuable relationship over such a trivial difference in ideologies. Blood should really come before faith in that instance.

The rest of the stuff – how to meet other atheists, how much of an activist to be, what to read, level of participation – can really wait until they’ve had more time to wrap their head around it, but they should make sure that they do a lot of that thinking independently.

Edit: I meant the ‘you’ to mean the girl / person. Kinda didn’t make that clear the first time

Specifically, what would you suggest regarding how to deal with family? Friends? When to tell people she’s not religious? How to meet other atheists? What to read? When to keep her mouth shut? Which groups to join?

In general, I’d say “To begin with, don’t volunteer information you don’t have to give.” – you can’t untell, and sometimes the reactions can be disturbing. You can, as you become more confident in your new atheism, tell people as circumstances warrant.

I wouldn’t say lie in the presence of a direct question, but on the other hand something like “I don’t discuss my religion” or “I think that’s a personal question” will often suffice for a start.

With family its a little different. You’re in a better position to judge their likely reaction than me, but I’d lean more toward telling your family if you think it’s important to them what your beliefs are. If you do, start with someone most likely to be receptive.

On the other hand, I’ve been an atheist for decades, and while I suppose most of my extended family realize I am not a religious person, I don’t think many of them would know I am an atheist. We just don’t discuss religion. I don’t think anyone in my immediate family is still Christian; last I heard, my mother was a buddhist, all I know about my sisters beliefs is that she is into reiki (gah!). I have no idea what my father’s beliefs are, but I’ve never heard him say the words “god”, “jesus”, “heaven” or anything even remotely religious. His second wife is catholic, but she doesn’t discuss religion either. My mothers ex-partner (i.e. my stepdad, though he never let us call him that) was, I think, an atheist, but I couldn’t say for sure. When nobody in your family discusses their religious belief, it really doesn’t matter if you tell them or not. If they brought it up, I’d tell them. They don’t, so I assume it doesn’t interest them.

With friends it depends on the circumstances. Most of my friends I’ve never had a direct “I’m an atheist” conversation with, but religion almost never comes up with my friends anyway. I couldn’t tell you what most of their beliefs were either. It’s not something I’d keep from a friend if the topic came up, but I’m not going to bring up the topic unless they seem like they want to talk about it. Some of them have probably inferred my beliefs (or lack of them). Even my most religious friends (the ones who are active in their churches) don’t ask. They just don’t. If they did, I’d tell them.

What to read? Books you like the sound of. Blogs that interest you. What else?

Be an example of a nice, moral atheist. Be open to conversation. Realize that religious debates aren’t always pointless. Try not to be arrogant. Read lots of books in lots of different fields. Try to read opposing viewpoints as much as you can. Don’t be rebellious just for the sake of it. Show people that atheists can be calm, happy, pleasant, and engaging. Find a balance between expressing your point of view and just hanging out. Try to express your opinions without alienating your friends. Don’t turn nonbelief into a dogma. Don’t turn atheism into your God. Be open to new evidence, as any rational person should be.

That’s what I would say to a new atheist.

Then again I’m only 17.

miller said,

Restrain your antagonism towards religion until you find a satisfying answer to the question, “How can people believe this stuff?” The answer might change your opinion of religion and its adherents.

Do you have a satisfying answer to the question, “How can people believe this stuff?” I do not.

Do you have a satisfying answer to the question, “How can people believe this stuff?” I do not.

I refer you to Why People Believe Weird Things by Michael Shermer.

Generally speaking, weird beliefs are not the result of delusions or conspiracies, but the result of normal thinking gone wrong. This is why they can occur in anyone, even intelligent people.

There are several levels of reasons/causes for religious beliefs. On one level, there are social forces: family pressure, peer pressure, tradition. On another level, there is apathy and ignorance, though these are not necessary. On the level of reasoning, there are apologetics (also, reasons to think apologetics are unnecessary). And then there are cognitive biases, primarily confirmation bias, but also including things like logical fallacies and misunderstandings of epistemology.

All these things, we can learn to recognize in ourselves. Or, if that’s too hard, we can recognize it in people who are similar to us. Perhaps we think these reasons are justified in our own case. Either way, we can get a small taste of how people can believe such vastly different things.