Dealbreakers June 28, 2008


You like someone a lot…

But then you find out the person is _________. And you lose interest.

Fill in the blank. What are your dealbreakers?

[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

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  • …. Dead ….

    I have a thing for living people…

  • Strongly religious.

  • TheDeadEye

    A Born-again Christian. Or a Smoker. Not sure which is worse to be around…

  • Charlie

    a religious or political extremist.

  • David

    Religious or a Bush-style republican

  • Ngeli

    “a windows-user”


    having serious anger management issues
    making fun behind my back
    a heavy drinker
    afflicted by fractal wrongness

  • A conspiracy nut-job. These people are insidious. They can appear quite normal on casual acquaintance, but a slightly deeper conversation elicits phrases like “trilateral commission,” “Illuminati,” or “9/11 was an inside job.” Nine times out of ten, these guys have a copy of the “Protocols of Zion” at home on their bookshelf.

  • …a man…

  • Pinto

    A robot. No, wait…

  • Josha

    Doesn’t read, at all.
    Deeply religious.
    Social conservative.

  • TheOtherOne

    religious. Been there, done that, it didn’t work for me.

    Both the openly/devoutly religious guy (back when I was still kinda-sorta religious) and the guy who was a Christmas-attendance-only Presbyterian claimed to be rational, but both turned out to make a LOT of decisions (and a lot of judgments) based on the religious beliefs of their childhood.

    And somehow, despite the fact that I’d been quite open about my beliefs and expectations, while both of them turned out to have expectations other-than-advertised, somehow the fact that their notions were religiously-based meant that I was the one who had to change to conform.

  • TolgaK

    a man
    a lesbian
    anything more than casually religious
    extremely conservative/liberal
    a conspiracy nut
    not a thrill-seeker
    doesn’t like sports
    doesn’t like flying
    willingly closed-minded in any sense

    Basically, I want a non-religious, non-political extremist, 50% tomboy type girl.

  • elianara

    Wife-beater or otherwise violent

  • … is psychotic …
    … doesn’t like children …
    … is a biblical literalist …
    … is a luddite …
    … is completely un-ambitious …

    Call me picky I guess.

  • A Scientologist. That’s pretty much a deal breaker right there. I like Sci-Fi and all, but I’m also fond of keeping my money.

    Also Wiccan. I don’t think I could handle that again. My ex-wife was wiccan, and it was frankly just as nutty as any other religion, possibly more so because of the attention whore aspects.

  • When my gf turned out to be fooling around, that broke the deal for us and I broke it off by sending a really cold message on a greeting card.

    My wife and I were mildly religious and grew out of religion together. That’s the best way. No deal breakers there.

  • “a pet owner”

    ’nuff said.

  • Stephen M.


  • BoxerShorts

    Smoker, heavy drinker, drug user, single mother.

    Social and/or religious conservatism would certainly be a long-term dealbreaker, but I have this weird fantasy about having a brief, torrid fling with a socially/religiously conservative chick.

  • …they voted for Bush in 2004 because they “couldn’t stand the thought of a Kerry presidency”…

    Really. In those words.

  • if we’re talking about a potential partner, then
    – a smoker (we hates it), or any other addictions or obsessions
    – any strong delusional beliefs, including but not limited to religion, magic, faeries, “life forces” homeopathy, etc.
    – if she had one or more young children, I would be very wary. (If I try to imagine all the possible reasons that state of affairs might arise, none of them are encouraging.)

  • Mean.

  • Susan

    Deeply religious (of any persuasion)
    Drug user
    Animal abuser
    Been married more than twice
    Mama’s boy
    Has young kids

  • absent sway

    “But then you find out the person is ________. And you lose interest.”

    1) disrespectful to women
    2) addicted to something
    3) unable to respect others’ viewpoints
    4) a racist
    5) with someone else
    6) prone to angry outbursts and/or violence
    7) stuck up

  • Are you talking about romantic relationships or just friendships?

    As far as friends, I have friends who
    1. smoke
    2. believe in wooish stuff
    3. Are Republicans
    4. Are fat
    5. Are skinny
    6. Love sports
    7. Hate Sports…

    so I’d guess that it is more a matter of having common interests than their not being X.

    Of course, if you are talking about potential romantic interests and I weren’t married, I suppose that smoking or being violent/abusive would be the only “really lose interest” things, though a fundie probably wouldn’t like me.

  • Nancy

    * a neocon
    * a narcissist
    * cheating on me
    * a non-reader
    * a couch potato
    * a Southern Baptist
    * humorless

    Frankly, I’m happy with my 2 cats (sorry Joey)

  • Richard Wade

    bigot, liar, thief, abusive, non-recovering addict, seriously disturbed, conceited, self-centered, controlling, thinks George the Usurper is the greatest president in history (or even slightly competent.)

  • crazy.

  • a country music fan

  • I first was thinking along the lines of a theistard/creationist…however…I would avoid someone who is just fucking stupid in any way.

  • Javier

    over sensitive democrat (PC police type) or right wing religious red neck or married that usually sends me running for the hills.

  • Gay.

    It seems I’m a homophobic homosexual, which, let me tell you, does wonders for my love life.

  • DeamonCohln

    Not actually real.

    *note to self, stop watching Fight Club*

  • is… not my wife.

    that’s a complete turn off.

  • JuniorMint

    …actually a banana.

  • twelve ¬_¬

  • Heliopolitan

    Fred Phelps.

  • sasha

    a smoker, or deeply religious

  • christian

    … nuff said

  • stephanie

    Jonathan, you rock!

  • Hemant Mehta.

    We love you man, but not in that way.

  • man



  • a wiccan

  • AMT

    @ Phillip: Dude, I have a friend named Philip (only one l) who is gay, and a homophobe. I thought he was the only one…

  • Rex

    Believer in any religion.
    Uses recreational drugs.
    Has personality disorders worse than my own.
    Is not a member of the Myers-Briggs set: IS[TF]J.
    Is not a critical thinker.

    There’s probably others, but these are inviolable.

  • Xeonicus

    I don’t really have a problem dating a religious person. Usually it’s them who has a problem with me.

  • Charlie

    I forgot to add:
    1) Living with his parents although he earns enough money to move out
    2) unemployed (unless he can’t work for health reasons or tries VERY HARD to change it and applies for AT LEAST 15 jobs a week. Maybe I’m strict, but I would also be as strict with myself)
    3) a misogynist
    4) a racist

  • So, um, Stephanie, does that mean you want to go out?

  • Darryl

    Smoker, heavy drinker or drug user,
    messes around,
    unhappy with herself,
    extremist of any kind, superstitious, racist,
    can’t be reasonable or doesn’t care about facts, has no brain,
    arrogant, angry (violent), hyper-critical,
    controlling or manipulative,
    puts money before people, has no empathy for the unfortunate,
    into kinky sex,
    has no interests or hobbies besides food and tv (or video games), needy/dependent/clingy,
    has pets that she treats like children, including dressing them in hats (doesn’t want children, doesn’t want to love mine),
    is messed-up or has minor children that are messed up because she picked a total asshole to have kinds with,
    has been married more than once,
    my kids don’t like her,
    doesn’t share some of my interests.

    Geez, now that I look at this list, no wonder I can’t find a good woman!

  • Gabriel


    light drinker



    not already married to me

    used to be married to me

  • My question would be… why did I like the the person “a lot” to begin with? They must have had some qualities that I valued.

    If I become aware of some new information about them that I may not agree with (or even strongly oppose), would I suddenly judge them to be no longer worth my time?

    Come to think of it, I have done this… (more than once). hmmm…

  • Emily

    A creationist… i can tolerate pretty much anything else

  • anonymouse

    …Your long lost sister. DOH! ….ew…

  • Ubi Dubius

    Married. My wife won’t let me date any married women.

  • Milena

    Stupid. That’s probably the only deal-breaker for me. Of course, I include quite a few qualities under “stupid”. 😉

  • stephanie

    Bad luck, Jonathan. I’m happily married- and so evidently are you. Your comment was exactly what I was thinking except for the opposite spouse. 😀

  • ha ha ha, good to hear Stephanie! I’m glad to know there are other happy people out there!!! I have to admit, she’s the best thing that’s happened to me… sappy, I know, but it’s also reality. And, I’m a huge fan of reality based thinking.

  • religious
    a smoker
    a salesman, actor or musician
    in need of serious dental work
    a “yes man”
    a name caller

  • Hez

    A man

  • Maria

    a close minded bigot of any kind

  • mike

    A member of the Religious Right.
    Any cult-like religion.
    Abortion clinic bomber.
    Gay Basher.
    Nintendo Fanboy.
    Microsoft Fanboy.
    The Burning Legion.

    Oops, got some geek in there at the end, hehe.

  • Herb

    a Cylon.

    Frakkin’ skin jobs…

  • H of Cashburn

    Separated = married. The worst kind.

  • Jordan


  • bc

    Young Earth Creationist. True story, stopped my crush dead in it’s tracks. Then my roommate started following her to CRU (which would have been a deal breaker if I hadn’t found out about her being a YEC first) and eventually started dating her and adopting her views… But that’s a whole other story.

  • chancelikely


    Proudly ignorant.



    Religion isn’t actually a deal-breaker for me, although being sufficiently religious to fall into one or more of the above categories is.

  • alcoholic
    negligent pet owner
    drives a Hummer

  • Funny enough, even after I fully embraced my atheism, I would have said a non-Christian would have been unacceptable. Looking back I think it was because growing up in the deep south, the only “decent” people I ever met were Christian and the only non-religious people were, to be blunt, freaks and lowlifes. Seriously. I realize now that this was just a reflection of the tiny sample size and the fact that most non-believers in that environment would have been just as hesitant as I was to come out off the closet. The only ones going around professing non-belief were social misfits looking for attention.

    I did end up marrying a Christian, although a very moderate, liberal one who is just fine with atheism. Today, if I weren’t happily married I would say smoking would be a definite deal breaker. That and a Fundie.

  • bleecker

    A “believer,” a Republican, a smoker: no can do.

  • a smoker.
    a fundamentalist.
    too judgmental.
    hearing voices.

  • Skylar

    Negligent pet owner.
    Pompous ass.
    Treats waiters (and etc) like crap.
    Doesn’t want kids.

    And though it isn’t completely a dealbreaker (it’s really close), if they’re already divorced by 23/24, it’s definitely a warning sign.

    I’m intrigued by the “single mom” one. Would you prefer she were married?

  • Republican.

  • heterosexual

  • Heather

    You like someone a lot…

    But then you find out the person is _________.

    – an uninformed person who insists on arguing about that which he has no knowledge of.
    – inclined to blame any mood fluctuation on mental illness (even “normal” people have bad moods, so don’t blame my bipolar disorder for my cranky moments!)
    – intent on impressing me by name dropping (whether people, material items, books they’ve read, etc).
    – treating me the same way he’d treat a particularly stinky piece of excretement.

  • Scotty B

    Like Mike B, I’m going to have to go with a Scientologist. A lot of other crazy things can be dealt with by slowly chipping away with reason, but Scientology is one cult I just don’t want to mess around with.

  • Byron

    militantly ignorant

  • – Bigot
    – Homophobe
    – Religious
    – Creationist
    – Republican

  • Becky Robinson

    – a fundie
    – a drug user
    – a racist
    – has/wants small children
    – mean to animals
    – not goal-oriented
    – not educated (self-education counts)
    – opinionless

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