Responses to “I’m an Atheist”

Said in a joking matter, “Well, someone’s going to hell…haha.”

And the response to that is “or two people going nowhere.”

When I told my parents, they didn’t say anything to me about it. They just laughed. It wasn’t until months later that they realized I was serious, then they started getting mad at me.

From my mom:

“Well, you’re an adult, and you can make decisions on your own” or something to that effect. Much, much better than I expected.

From my (brought up fundamentalist, but at the time and still vaguely casual, happy Jesus-following) best friend I got (jokingly) “you just don’t want to get up to go to church on Sundays.”

Made sense, since until shortly before then I’d been going avidly.

Can’t remember how my family reacted–I came out in the blur of activity surrounding a grandparent’s funeral, because I couldn’t bring myself to accept the role of scripture reader I’d been assigned for the service. I know my sis needed confirmation that I didn’t believe in an afterlife either.

I just got this one last week from my boyfriend, “You’ll get over it. It’s just a phase.” Wow. My mind is still reeling. But then he started sending me articles about positive steps in atheism and asking me more questions. I think he was just freaked out.

My mom: “But you’re still going to be spiritual, right?”

My father said, and I quote:

“You need to get down to the church and get on your knees and get over that!”

Mind you, he hadn’t attended church in nearly fifteen years himself by this point. And, really, if I didn’t believe any of this, how was going to a church and prostrating myself going to make me believe?

Oh, right, it’s magic.

When the subject came up again a year later, he tried the guilt angle “your grandmother will be upset if she finds out, and she’s getting older and you should try to help make her life more pleasant.”

And a year after that, when I had moved to a new town and was having trouble meeting people – “well, if you start attending church, you’ll meet alot of people!”

Interestingly, the woman I have been dating has very different ideas regarding the aupernatural than I do, yet she has been extremely supportive, and curious, about what I think. So, that’s been really good.

I mostly get “me too!” or “you really don’t believe in anything [supernatural]?” — and the latter is not said in a condescending or insulting way, but in a way that usually is inviting conversation.

As Eric Haas said above “No you’re not” has to be by far the most common response I have received as well. I have never gotten much in the way of stimulating follow up after that though. I don’t mind and actually enjoy talking about it, but people don’t seem to know how to react. Minivan, lotsa kids, great marriage, friendly neighbor, pretty conservative, happy and positive about life doesn’t mesh in their mind with any of the stereotypes of an atheist. Sometimes you can see the thoughts plainly on their faces- does not compute, why would she be mad at god?

The most common one is “Then what do you believe in?”, to which I respond “love and atoms”. many a gaping mouth after that.
My father in law said, “You mean you think we are all here by accident?!”
It must be odd to carry such a need for a purpose.

Caroline-
I had the same sort of reaction from a 6 year old in my daughter’s class. I think this is because for young kids, God is like a police officer. They can’t really comprehend such an unreal thing as god, so he is mostly someone who sits around, watching you when no one else is. Also, if you do anything god does not want or like, you are in big trouble, such as hell. So it is not surprising that even if it was not directly said to the girl you sit, she could easily draw the conclusion that someone who says they do not believe in god must be doing something wrong, and satan does the most wrong, so there you go… I also think a lot of parents use god as a way to keep their kids in line, as in “If you take any of those cookies, god will see and know you did something wrong” So it is also not surprising small children view god as a police officer.
I would rather my kids decide what they should do without the idea of some ominous being watching them ALL the time. When talking about it with my 10 year old, he though god sounded really creepy… I have to agree 🙂

I tend to associate with miscreants, deviants, and every manner of freethinker, so I’ve been fortunate in avoiding a lot of uncomfortable conversations.

In a history class in high school, another student cited the Bible as an historical document. I disagreed, was asked if I believed in God, and replied that no, nor do I think that the Bible is a reliable account of historical events.

To which I received the most priceless response I have ever gotten: “Why do you hate God?”

This taught me so much: Chiefly, that it’s not worth evangelizing when a large segment of the world can’t even conceptualize what it means to be an atheist or agnostic.

My father, on the other hand, offered: “Well, I know you’ve done your research. And after 20 years of working on the ambulance, I think you’re right.”

My best friend told me not to mention it around my 13 yr old goddaughter because it would upset her. And my baby sister said not to mention it around my nephew. (no reason given) This from a woman who hasn’t set foot in church in years!!!!

My boss said she never would have guessed and mentioned the whole “no atheists in foxholes” thing. Urgh.

“But how will you find someone to marry?”

Seriously. The feminist and the atheist in me were fighting to be the most offended. Why was marrying a guy so important? Why did this girl think there’s not a single male atheist in the world? I was so bewildered I couldn’t respond to her.

The most common one is “Then what do you believe in?”, to which I respond “love and atoms”.

This is wonderful and I am going to steal and use it.

I had been reading atheist websites for a while before coming out to my mom, although I didn’t actually intend to come out when I did. My cousin had [then] recently been baptized, so my mom asked me one evening if I still wanted to be. Upon hearing my negative reply, she asked (if I recall correctly) if I was an atheist. Instead of affirming it, I told her that I’d rather be referred to as a rationalist (though because of its different meaning in philosophy, I don’t use this term for the meaning I had in mind). She was visibly upset and said that she was worried about my soul. The next day my dad called me back to their room and had a bunch of Christian publications spread out on the bed for me to examine. He thought this was just a phase that I would grow out of, and my mom insisted that the lack of belief in God is [or maybe implied] the belief that God was not real, despite my claims to the contrary.

These days my dad, too, is an atheist, though he’s not a liberal (I’m a something-or-other, but not a conservative). My mom, a conservative, is in denial of at least my atheism, I think. We never talk about religion, but my sister is growing up a Christian. My dad thinks she’ll “grow out of it” like I did, but I’m not that optimistic, and I’m much too anxious and not confident enough to come out fully and set things right in my eyes with regard to my sister.

I can’t really remember what my mom said when I first told her I was an atheist. But she may have said something like “But you were baptized as an episcopalian” because that’s what she says sometimes while we’re talking about religion. She seems to have this mental block that catches her sometimes and tells her that because I was baptized in her religion that I am a believer in that religion. Still, I think maybe she just says that because she’s not even sure whether I even know that I “am” an episcopalian, because she’s never taken me to church. Overall, she’s very supportive, and slowly she’s started to understand my views and I’ve been able to understand hers.

After I told her I was an atheist, she “outed” me (without my permission) while we were talking to my grandparents and religion came up. She said, “John’s an atheist, and I think that’s perfectly fine”, which was nice. My grandparents didn’t say anything, although it looked like it may have slightly shocked them. Afterwards I told my mom that that was a very rude thing to do. She apologized and said she didn’t realize. But I’m also kind of happy it happened because it was over so quickly and now my grandparents know I’m an atheist. It makes things a little easier.

So far, it hasn’t come up again, although a couple of times my grandparents on my Dad’s side have suggested that I should try going to church. My grandpa on my Mom’s side is very profane (and might share my views), while my grandma on my Mom’s side is getting me an NRSV Bible to use at the boot camp I’m going to, although it was my idea and I requested it (I haven’t had a chance to read the whole Bible yet so I want to study it).

I can’t remember what my dad said at first either, but later he did ask why I was so passionate about this subject when he and my mom didn’t raise me religious at all. I said it wasn’t about me and thanked him for raising me secularly.

Sometimes my friends mock me about it, sometimes they ask me questions, sometimes they agree with me, and sometimes they’re indifferent.

I’ve also gotten the response, “Don’t you want to get into heaven?” from a mental health professional who was trying to proselytize to me and a 10 year old kid while I was in a detention center. I debated with him for 20 minutes, and by the end he couldn’t think of any argument to make so he said I was “wise beyond my years” and left. The kid said “You think too much.”

Last one. I got a message from an a-hole that used to be very rude to me. He found me on myspace and wrote me a message which said that I was a pretentious missionary trying to spread apathy, which doesn’t make sense because my view has always been that being nonreligious can give us hope, happiness, community, morality, and meaning (“The Big 5”). Also he said that he was content being an apatheist, so him telling me that I am trying to spread apathy also doesn’t make much sense because if anybody is doing that it’s him.

That’s all the responses I can remember now.

I don’t think anyone I’ve told has had a strong reaction. In my immediate family, I didn’t grow up with much religion. We were “default” Methodists because that’s what my grandma (mom’s side) was. My dad’s side of the family pretty much never mentions religion. I think a lot of mid-west families believe in a nebulous, ill-defined “god” because that’s the socially acceptable thing to do, but beyond that, they don’t give it a second thought; they’re more concerned with living their life like normal people.

My mom and dad tell me they believe in God, but beyond that they don’t go to church and don’t really know why they believe; that’s just how they were brought up. I have philosophical discussions about life with them often, it’s awesome. Pretty much all my friends are nonreligious, but the few who are Christian are very tolerant and I talk freely about beliefs with them. I only have a few extended relatives that are moderately religious, but nothing extreme. They’re very tolerant and happy to let people believe what they want.

I guess my life is sort of easy. Religion almost never enters into my daily life. I guess that’s one nice thing about living in central Michigan.

My favorite:

“Everyone in the whole world believes in God and who the hell are you to think otherwise? You think you’re so smart don’t you?”

Also this was a more recent one: “I’d say 99% of people in the world believe in God. Oh you think there’s a lot more? Well whatever. I doubt you’ll ever meet another atheist anyway.”

Nancy said,

My best friend told me not to mention it around my 13 yr old goddaughter because it would upset her. And my baby sister said not to mention it around my nephew. (no reason given) This from a woman who hasn’t set foot in church in years!!!!

I always found that odd too. It’s like you are supposed to believe in God in the USA, but don’t take religion TOO seriously.

The Unbrainwashed said

My favorite:

“Everyone in the whole world believes in God and who the hell are you to think otherwise? You think you’re so smart don’t you?”

Also this was a more recent one: “I’d say 99% of people in the world believe in God. Oh you think there’s a lot more? Well whatever. I doubt you’ll ever meet another atheist anyway.”

Religious people have no problem with tolerance and multiculturalism when it suits them.

“One day, you’ll learn.”

I wanted to punch her.

My mom told me “Don’t tell your grandmother.”

LOL

I don’t get too many reactions but my personal favorite reaction is

“I didn’t know they had an atheist church here”

I laughed for a good 20 minutes.

My mother asked me a really bizarre question when she found out: “well, can your science tell you whether the chicken or the egg came first?”
Apparently I sort of twitched…I was sort of torn about whether or not to laugh it off…and she took that to mean that I knew that I was wrong about not believing in god.

In truth, I didn’t know how to make heads or tails of it…it’s such a finicky question at heart, that depends on definitions; also, did that mean that she had an answer? If so, I wanted to hear it, but she shortly left the room in a huff.

Yeeeah…she was pretty adamant that she meant “chicken egg”, which means that it comes down to definitions in terms of chicken egg equaling ‘egg from a chicken’, or ‘egg from which a chicken came’.

I had a disappointing talk with a good friend of mine today. After telling me how he’s cut way down on his partying, he proceeded to tell me how religious he’s become lately, and from that to telling me that he’s worried about spending time with me because of my influence on him–me being an atheist and all. The joke here is that I’ve been trying to find a way to tell him that I don’t like partying-down every time we hang out, and that I’d rather do something else. I promised him that I would not belittle his faith in any way, and he seemed okay with that, but I’m not sure just what he’s thinking. Boy, does that bring back memories of my younger days when I thought (I was taught in church) that I had to separate from my close friends because they weren’t Christians. This is the very thing that pushed me away from faith in the end. What a waste.

@beth: your bf sounds like every woman’s dream: Aw, you just think you’re having contractions.

Sorry, it wasn’t everybody talking, it was me getting screwed up and posting twice. That lame joke wasn’t even worth posting once. Amway is a multilevel marketing thing, and pretty much the only way to avoid having a friend ask you to become an Amway distributor is never to have any friends. Adherents are pretty much as persistent as Jehovah’s Witnesses, but unlike them, the stuff Amway sells is At least it seems real.

I’m still think the politest thing to say is “I’m not very religious,” or “Thanks, I’m not very religious,”or if you have to be confrontational, “I’m not religious.” But I never “Sorry, I’m not religious.” What do I have to apologize for? I’m not the one pushing my religion on other people.

From my dad: “Well, you’d better start believing, because… *argument ad Hades*”