God Hates the Following May 16, 2008

God Hates the Following

Here’s one more item you can add to the list of things you wish you came up with first: Stuff God Hates.

For example, God Hates Asia:

… I mostly try to smite Asians as much as I can. I’m always smiting them with tsunamis and earthquakes and volcanoes and plagues and small penis. Why, just last week I hit up China with a ‘quake and Myanmar with a Cyclone. Even still, I only managed to kill a measly 120,000 Asians. Great. Only another 3,999,880,000 more to go.

He also hates onions on pizza:

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even have to bite into a slice, I can just tell from the smell. When this happens it drives Me into a violent rage I cannot explain – the last time it happened I struck down the CEO of Pizza Hut (by crushing him under his garage door.)

And women:


They’re rife with design flaws. I mean, sure, they look fabulous and you just want to grab’em and do nasty things. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re all vile, selfish little whores that scowl at you when you hold the door open for them. And do they ever say thank you?

The answer is: rarely. I’ve watched every instance of this situation since doors were first invented. And women only say thank you 17% of the time. Mostly they just stride through like it’s every man’s job to hold doors open for strange bitches.

God’s one angry dude.

And He hasn’t even mentioned atheists yet.

(via Diary of a Teenage Atheist)

[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

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  • Haha, what is Stuff God Hates? An atheist trying to be funny? Or trying to get a rise out of people?

  • Ted Goas said

    Haha, what is Stuff God Hates? An atheist trying to be funny? Or trying to get a rise out of people?

    Yes, it is an atheist making fun of the tendencies of the religious to take liberties with certain Bible passages in order to assert that God despises whatever people, places, or activities suits their argument (most obvious example is Westboro Baptist, but they are an extreme version of a larger trend).

    Whether it gets a rise out of people or not is an unrelated issue (grin).

  • Weird, I just arrived at this page from a link on a different site like a few hours ago. God must be sending me a signal.

  • Spacesocks

    God does talk about atheists on His Q&A page:

    QUESTION #7:

    Oy Gevalt: “Why did You create atheists? Was it the whole “free will” thing?”

    GOD: I did indeed give mankind freewill, or the ability to choose. So you can choose to believe in Me and have eternal life, or you can choose to be an atheist and spend eternity in hell getting raped by demons. It’s up to you.

    That God fellow, what a kidder. Because “My way or the highway” is totally a choice.

    Nice to know He doesn’t hate us though. Or maybe He’ll get to that.

  • Freelancer

    It’s okay though about the 17% thing, because 9 out of ten women don’t hold the door open for other women, even if they’re holding a child or pushing a stroller or whatever.

    This sounds sick, but whenever I’ve been joked about as misogynist (maybe 3 times in my whole life), I’ve always said the following:

    “I don’t hate women any more than women do”

    I love my girlfriend, and my best friend is a woman, and I treat them as equals, and they’re sure to admit that the female of the species is more self-destructive than any other human subgroup available for advocacy or detriment in the early 21st century.

  • So is the god behind this YHWH or Loki?

  • I think whats even funnier are the people who comment that they don’t think this guy is ( or girl) is doing a “good God impression”. Or the ones that call him “immoral” and “immature”. Everyone’s a critic! Just laugh and shut up! lol

  • Freelancer:

    “I don’t hate women any more than women do”

    LOVE this quote. Will keep it in my mental Rolodex for future reference.

  • marcus

    There is no god!!! This is promised to be true. If there was a god we killed him along time ago along with the reefs, the plants, the trees, and the animals that used to live on this planet in harmony. This was heaven our life here on earth as it was meant to be. Living with nature but not turning her into our slave. We have destroyed heaven. With our technology with the very intelligence we so admire of ourselves. This planet is dying and we are all responsible. Once you die you will never be again! Ever! No magic kingdom, no hidden agenda. No secret place where spirits dwell. Just dark silence!!!
    You know it deep down in your heart that this is reality!! You know that god was created by man to control man!! We are all looking for answers and something to hold on to. Something to believe in!! If there was a being floating around in space looking down at us he would be disgusted by what is going on. People stealing large sums of money from others, housing, gas, stocks, etc!! Racism!!! Hunger!! Disease!!!(healthcare) The facts is the majority of the population is stupid!!! Easily fooled and enslaved. All religions are moronic and only a fool would give money and tides to a church not realizing that they are one of the biggest and oldest corporations in the world!!! Using FEAR to make you pay for them to live rich!!! I don’t see to many poor catholic churches!! Wake up America. And the world!! You better start taking care of what really matters which is this planet. It is your home like it or not!!! And unless one of those specks in the sky has better technology then us to move us off this rock to another one that is the perfect distance from a sun and has water on it then we are all just screwed and there is no god to save you!!!

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