A Church Transforms May 1, 2008

A Church Transforms

You know some of the churches are heading in this direction anyway…

Connection Metro Church, which used its foyer coffee bars to attract visitors to its eight satellite churches in the Denver area, has decided to abandon ministry altogether to focus on coffee.

“People liked the coffee a lot better than the ministry, according to congregational surveys, so we’re practicing what we preached and focusing on our strengths,” says former teaching pastor and now chief marketing officer, Peter Brown.

“The sermons were okay, but the vanilla frappes were dynamite,” says one woman who regularly attended the church for two years so she could enjoy the special brews. “I even brought my Jewish neighbors and they loved them.”

(via The Onion-like LarkNews)

[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

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  • Kathryn

    Now that’s a good reason to get out of bed on Sundays.

  • JimboB

    I saw the title of this post, and I swear thought it would show a church transforming into Optimus Prime.

    It’s still funny in its own right, but I’m a little disappointed…

  • Anfractuosity

    This is a poem I posted at Digital Cuttlefish a while back about a new Christian coffeehouse in the Sacramento area. Thought it might be apropos here.

    This is the article it refers to:
    (Quotes come from the article)

    Gimmee a Tall “Frozen Chosen”
    By Anfractuocity

    “On a bean and a prayer” come the faithful,
    To avoid drinking lattes with thugs…
    Like those evil ones there at the Starbucks; that’s where
    Those atheists deflower the mugs!

    Hey, gimmee a tall “Frozen Chosen…”
    I need a skydaddy fix quick!
    At Jericho’s* tables you can trade Jesus fables
    And “Fruits of the Spirit” – oh ick!

    Oh come, ye who want to be saved now.
    Good Christians, let’s “fellowship” here.
    No Darwinist drivel to make your balls shrivel
    Not one uppity female, nor queer…

    Will we tolerate here in God’s refuge.
    You’ll be safe from all reason and wit.
    You’ll read the Good Book– divine gobbledygook,
    Full of lies and Pecksniffish batshit!

  • Ron in Houston

    Um, does this mean that Starbuck will soon be trying to save my soul?

  • “The sermons were okay, but the vanilla frappes were dynamite,”

    Sigh. Well I guess you can’t blame the church for trying a new marketing angle. But what is getting people into the seats? The gimmicks or the message?

  • Before I got to the via line…I thought this was talking about a local church that has started something called something like ‘Coffee Services’. They aren’t getting rid of the service for coffee, but they are doing the service while they are sitting around tables with their coffee cup in front of them.

  • Richard Wade

    Hilarious, Anfractuosity! Thanks for a good laugh.

    Since caffeine is a mood altering substance with some modest potential for addiction, maybe some churches will be willing to venture into the next obvious marketing niche and offer depressants as well as stimulants:

    The Good Shepherd Bar and Grill offers a wide variety of Biblical Beverages including: Covenant Cocktail, Martin Martini, Doubting Tom Collins, Magdalena Margarita, Isaiah Iced Tea, Water-into-Wine, Daniel Daiquiri, Hallelujah Highball, Gideon Gimlet, Noah Nightcap, Barak and Bacardi, Michael Tai, Peter Colada, Manna Manhattan, Mary Mint Julep, Gospel Guiness……

  • kat

    I’m pretty sure that site is like the Onion, but more God…

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