Selling a Soul on eBay… for real

It occurs to me that if God can do whatever he wants on account of being God and all, he can undo said “irrevocable contract”.

If handing over a signed piece of paper a là Bart Simpson is all it takes to sell your soul, then my ex still has mine. Maybe I should see about getting that back, along with some of my DVDs…

Perhaps if God “regenerates” the soul if you sold it, then you could repeatedly re-sell it. If you could re-sell it 1000 times at $18.63 a pop, that would be a nice little piece of change. You could waive shipping. Someone should start up a simple e-commerce website doing this and see what happens. Or perhaps start an e-commerce site to sell indulgences like the Catholic Church used to. I’ve been thinking about doing that myself… 😉 To play it safe, I would go ahead and pay taxes on the profits just in case the IRS doesn’t consider the operation a church with tax-free status… Even with paying taxes, it would be easy money if you had enough customers.

If you sell your soul is it then a “pre-owned” soul? Can you have it certified like a pre-owned Mercedes Benz? You know, checked for leaks, dents and scratches, making sure it works properly and that the mileage on the odometer has not been altered. When you ship it do you need to put padding inside a box with air holes, or can you just slip it into a FedEx express envelope? There are postal laws about sending live things in the mail. Do you have to put on a label saying “Caution: Human Soul?” I suppose you should at least use some of those stickers that say “Do not crush” or “Do not puncture.” People get arrested for human trafficking. Does this count as that? Should you refrigerate after opening? Does it have a date stamp saying “Best if used before…”? Do souls appreciate or depreciate in value? How old does it have to be to qualify as an antique? What does the buyer do with them, anyway? Put them in a display case like souvenir spoons or thimbles from all 50 states, or those nauseatingly cute porcelain sculptures based on Norman Rockwell paintings, like the one with the kid with his pants down looking at the doctor’s stuff while Doc is about to jab him in the ass with a needle?
These are really important questions. I’m very concerned that these and other issues are not being carefully considered.

Derek, I was totally going to point out that before Hemant, there was Bart, and the going rate was $5 (to be spent on ALF pogs).

I wonder if this girl will still be able to open automatic doors.

I read that eBay doesn’t accept the selling of a human soul. The legal reasoning behind this is perfect. If there’s such a thing as a soul, then it’s a part of a perso, like a body part, the selling of which is forbidden. And if it doesn’t exist, well, you’re not allowed to sell a non-existent article.